Oh! You Didn't Know I Had a Maid, Did You?

Yes, it's true. I have a maid. How else would I get everything done?

She's quite efficient too. When I finish my shower, there she is at the ready, holding my towel for me. She would not have it any other way. She's my lady in waiting though I have no rank.

She hands me my make-up. She holds my hairbrush and patiently waits for me to put in my hair goop.

She even doles out my lotions and other assorted face products.

She puts away the laundry. Everything in its proper place! Draws must close completely and she scolds me when I half shut them.

She is obsessive about dusting and even screams at me when I try to do it myself.

In fact, whenever I try to do anything on my own there she is trailing after me yelling, "ME HELP! ME HELP!"

If you haven't already figured it out, my daughter is the maid. T.D. loves to help. She is a real people pleaser. I am amazed at the organizational skills and need for order that this two year old child possesses. She knows where every piece of clothing goes in our house. She actually knows the difference between sports bras, tanks and regular bras, the light socks and dark and puts them away in their separates places. No mixing aloud! She becomes upset when she isn't helping and making things neat and tidy. Her memory recall for where items in our home go is absolutely spot on!

It was only recently though that I noticed this to be an actual talent or strength for her. What else can it be? Her need for order and the "everything in its place" mentality is what drives her. She is happy and excited when she does these tasks and I have no reason to stop her. I must admit, I like the help and I like seeing her so happy. The kid is positively energized when I give her washcloths to put away. Socks? She goes bonkers when she can grab a whole lot of them to shove in her very own sock basket.

While other kids like to build with blocks or play with fingerpaints. My child would rather be putting the blocks away and cannot stand the idea of messy fingers covered in wet paint. She likes to sort and categorize items and make sense of things. While sometimes her sorting and more sorting and taking things out and putting them away might seem odd it makes her happy and content and I would not have it any other way. It is what makes T.D., T.D.

Besides, who wouldn't want someone handing them their towel each day? What do you think I'm crazy?

To participate in this PBN Blog Blast, simply write a post on Friday, 2/29 (by Midnight PST) and tell us all about your own child(ren)'s strengths. There are prizes to be had! See PBN for more details and read a bit about the new Jenifer Fox book, 'Your Child's Strengths'.

What Would You Do With One Extra Day?

Today should be the last day of the month, but we are in a leap year. Think of tomorrow as our bonus day! For most of us it will be life as usual (wake up, wipe kiddie snot, work, wipe more snot, sleep, repeat), but think of this- If you could have one extra day to do something, anything- what would you do? Would you spend time with family and friends? Would you rather spend the time cleaning the house or tackling projects around your home?

Yahoo! polled over 2,000 people and found these results-

80% chose doing something fun like hanging out with family/friends, going on some wild excursion or shopping

63% said they might work, do some sort of organizing around the house or clean the garage

40% would do some online clean up, like cleaning their email box, their many online profiles or back up computer files


I spoke with Heather Cabot, the Web Life editor for Yahoo!, who is an expert on the Internet lifestyle. She is also the busy mother of twins and founder of the cool site The Well Mom to see if I could garner some tips on streamlining our lives on and offline. Through her I learned three easy tips to help manage my life on the web.





1. Bacon- Not the Oscar Meyer type either, but the email you opt in for when you subscribe to a newsletter or website. Remember that cute pair of shoes you bought online? You probably subscribed to the stores newsletter without even knowing it. Take ten minutes and unsubscribe to these newsletters as you get them in your inbox. If you are like me, Bacon stresses you out. You feel you have to read it but do not have the time and it clogs your inbox.

2. Social Networking- It can be a lot of work keeping up all those profiles, poking your friends and uploading pictures onto all those different networking sites. Re-evaluate why you are on these sites. Is it the networking for work or fun? Pick a professional one and a fun one and work from there. There is no need to be everywhere at once. Clean up your profile on these two sites and in the long run, you will save time.

3. Be mindful and opt out of things- Be selective of where you spend your time online each day and how much time you are actually online. It is all about balance.

Heather also suggested doing tasks like banking in one place. You can put all your credit cards, bank statements and more on one site these days. Check out safe websites like Wesabe and Mint that can show you where your money is going and how to budget efficiently.

Seeing that Heather is the founder of The Well Mom, a website where women can learn about obtaining and maintaining a healthy balance in life, I asked her for some tips in that area as well. You do not have to be a mother to heed her advice either. Heather talked about the importance in “remembering to be present in all you do, to be really there in the moment. Don’t multi-task and be mindful.” Take time for yourself each day whether it doing something decadent like spa time or simply taking a shower alone or reading a magazine. Whatever it is you need to be a calmer, nicer you, do it! She even has a great checklist on her site called ‘the well mom checklist’. Post it on your fridge ladies! If you are a new mom, please read this list. It is important to ask for help too, she says. Being assertive and pro-active is very important in life, but especially when you have children. You cannot do it alone so do not be afraid to admit that and seek help when needed. Lastly, do not take yourself too seriously. Do not worry about things so much. Easier said than done I know. However, it is advice well taken. I could not agree more.

I really enjoyed talking with Heather. She is down to earth, funny and not at all intimidating like I thought she might be. I got a bit freaked out when I found out she was a former ABC News anchor and correspondent. Like most women though, once we found some common ground you could not shut us up. Thanks Heather, it was a pleasure speaking with you!

For more information about Heather Cabot, you can visit her here and here.

What would you do with one extra day?

Overheards and more

Seriously, you must think I hang out in the weirdest places but really I'm just a regular gal going around town in my 'grocery getter' picking up diapers and hitting the gym on occasion. I just think people have no idea what they sound like, and I'm as guilty as the next person, when someone only hears snippets of conversation.



Here's what I've been privy to in the last 24.



1. I NEED more poop. (alrighty then! Get that woman some poop!)



2. It goes up your baby crack. (I think that is the opposite of the ass crack if you are a girl in case you were wondering)

3. Titah bah, Titah bah, Titah bah... (this was repeatedly said by T.D. while in the car last night.) "What is she saying?", H & I asked. I wondered aloud, "Titty bar? Is she saying titty bar? I mean we are next to a Hooters. Is that it?"

4. Titty bar, Titty bar, titty bar!!! (as said by T.D. one second after I said that dastardly phrase. H shook his head in shame and I began to sing the alphabet loudly to distract T.D.)


5. I just want to know how long Obama's been a Christian... (because that makes all the difference now doesn't it? Oddly, I have heard this question posed more than once.)



I actually posed that last overheard to T.D. to garner some wisdom from her. Dictators do have staunch opinions on things. So we had a little sit down to discuss this latest political quandary.



Me: T.D., tell me, do you think, as a toddler and a dictator, that it matters if Barack Obama has been a Christian for say 5 years, 25 years, always, or like only maybe two years?



T.D.: Uh... Why?



Me: Yeah, OK, my point exactly but answer the question. The public wants to know your stance on this issue. (I repeat the question)



T.D.: Why? Christian? Yeaaah.....



Me: So it does matter. Why? Why does it matter?



T.D.: Why? Why?! WHY?!!!! No thank you.



Me: OK, we'll take that as a no comment.



Seriously? Why does it matter if it is five years, his whole life, or the last five minutes. If he is the same belief system as you then why does it freakin' matter?!

Here we go!

Her knees are pulled so tightly to her chest she thinks she might bruise her ribs. Her arms grip her legs and her hands clutch her ankles as if she is holding on for dear life. The knuckles on her fingers are white. She rocks there on the floor of her friend’s room unable to stifle the sobs that sometimes became wails that then crash into screams. Her face is a mottled mess and her hair is wild and sticky from her tears. It sticks in clumps to her face and snarls in other places from her fingers that twisted and pulled the blond strands at other times.

After the first hour, no one paid her any mind. They wanted her to ride it out. Her friends were uneasy with this much emotion. While Casey was never one to shy away from how she felt her friends simply did not know what to do with this type of grief or with this much of it.

When she had left the suite, she shared with her three friends two hours earlier she had the same optimistic dread that she normally did as she headed off to her weekly therapy appointment. She did the five-minute walk it took to get to the university’s in-house therapist and did not think anything besides what she always thought at 3 p.m. on Friday, “Yes! The weekend at last!” When the therapist asked her about the trip she had just come back from she said the normal things you tell anyone about a 3-day beach weekend with your college girlfriends. “Oh! It was a blast! We had so much fun!” Except there was that one thing. That thing that Candi had said to her that last night on the balcony. She decided to mention it to Elaine her therapist.

There they were, Candi and Casey, looking out at the ocean, the sun was dipping low and the breeze was warm and slight. They were splitting a bottle of Strawberry Boones and drinking it out of the plastic hotel cups. Their sandy feet resting on the rail of the balcony as they discussed the past few days. Candi had been in a fight with her boyfriend non-stop via phone the whole trip, which then got her into a fight with Amy who was also sharing a room with them this weekend. Casey stopped her mid-sentence and whistfully said, “Wait. Just look. It is so beautiful out there. I miss the ocean so much when we are at school. I wish I was near it all the time. I should call Rob.”

“What?! Why?!”, Candi asked coughing on her drink and sitting straight up in her chair. “I don’t get you Casey. You and Rob broke up a year ago. You broke up with him. Why do you always feel the need to call him? He was such a jerk to you. “

“I know.” Said Casey. “I don’t know. Maybe I’m obessessed with him. I haven’t dated anyone since.”

“Yeah. I know. Casey? Let me ask you something. Promise you won’t get mad?” Candi said quietly.

“Sure. What?” said Casey. She looked at Candi wondering why Candi had suddently gotten so quiet and serious.

“Did he ever…hit you? Did Rob hit you?” Candi asked. She couldn’t look at her friend. She looked instead at her feet and earnestly began to use the toes on her right foot to scrape the sand off her left foot. It was quiet. Casey hadn’t said a word. She looked up at her friend. Casey was staring out beyond her, past the hotel and way out into the sea. Her eyes were brimmed with tears and she turned to Candi, smiled and said in small voice, “Of course not. Why would you ever think something like that?”


In an effort to keep this attempt at a book going I am going to try to post pieces of this book each week. Try is the ultimate word.

I'm a sucker for a man in gold

6:40 p.m.- Ooh! The Oscars soon! Only about an hour to go until the pre-show! Whooo hoo!

7:30 p.m.- Hm... am missing the Barbara Walters show. Didn't DVR it either. How will I know Harrison Ford's true thoughts on him being twenty years older and doing yet another Indiana Jones movie?

8:10 p.m.- Must get off phone... Oscar's beginning any minute! Why is T.D. still up?! Toddler chatter is loud over Jon Stewarts dry wit. Haven't even made Oscar pics yet!! WTF is Daniel Day Lewis's wife wearing?! Looks like someone stamped a giant piece of lead-laden costume jewelery on her chest.

9:00 p.m.- Huzzah! My super bowl is in play! Jack Nicholson is making me sad with his incoherent mumblings. Did he just call Tommy Lee Jones 'Harvey'? Oscar's take note: Jack loses front row seat next year. Replace with Dakota Fanning for next fifty years.

Time begins to get fuzzy here. H abandoned his pics and me after about five minutes of Oscar goodness. T.D. claps and yells, "YEAH!!" each time Stewart gets a laugh. Tooth achingly cute but the kid needs to go to bed. Stewart can't stop with the political commentary. Funny, but it is the Oscars man... keep it light. The movies themselves were dark enough this year do we need to keep talking about the fact that the Dark Side is in office right now?

At some point I realize I must make a decision. Go to bed and read it all online in the morning or go for the Oscar gold myself and stay up until the bitter end? Amy Adams really is cute as a button. She looks like she could be your neighbor or your friend from high school.

10:47 p.m.- WHY HAVEN'T THEY SHOWN ONE CLIP FROM BEST PICTURE? THIS IS MADNESS!!

11:05 p.m.- I have now cried about four times this evening starting with the very beginning when we took a little look back. Each time I see Hal Holbrook I want to hug him. I'm beginning to get loopy I'm so tired. Why do people keep disappearing? Dixie Carter? Gone. Daniel Day Lewis? Gone. Is there a hidden rabbit hole at the Oscar's?

If it weren't for the music from 'There Will Be Blood' making my adrenaline surge each time the film is up for an award, I would have passed out long ago.

This couch is getting really comfy. The dog makes an excellent pillow despite her protests.

11:55 p.m.- AT LONG LAST. IT IS OVER! I beat H in pics again this year! Am victorious!!! Feel like falling over with tiredness and lack of sleep over a few day period. Will do victory lap around den and gratititous fist-pumping and obnoxious fanny shake some other time.

Vow to sleep in and nap during T.D.'s nap time tomorrow.

12:00 a.m.- Ah, bed. Sleep....

12:30 a.m.- Did I just hear a noise? Can't sleep. Wide awake. Where's the dog? My throat is scratchy. Need water. I'm hungry too. Can someone get me an apple or a bowl of cereal?

6:15 a.m.- Might as well get up. I've tossed and turned all night. I'm so tired I'm shaking. Why?! Why did I stay up so late? Why couldn't I have just read it all online?! I'm such a sucker for satin dresses, ropes of diamonds a la Nicole Kidman, Martin Scorcese and Daniel Day Lewis's voice. Thanks be to God there was not a Brad Pitt or overly gratuitous shot of Angelina Jolie all night.

Poof! You're Two!

From this



to this



in what seems like 0 to 60 in no time flat.

Look at you, you are two today. Because of that, I suppose I should write some sappy hearts and flowers post about how it is hard to believe that two years ago on this very day, you my sweetie face munchkin dumpling with cheeks so cute your Aunt E wants to bite them, was born.

Right, then. Let’s get started shall we? I think that’s what the midwife said when I asked if it was OK to push.

To T.D., my tiny dictator, who I wouldn’t have any other way. I love everything about you no matter what I may say under clenched teeth and furrowed brow. I love your big brown eyes that mirror my own. I love your tiny teeth and even the fangs. Actually, I am quite proud of those and I must say, a bit envious. You have the most infectious laugh so forgive me if I cannot stop tickling you just to hear it over and over again. It is truly music to my ears.

You make me stop and really examine life on a wide and small scope. Through you, I actually do stop and smell flowers and other things we adults might take for granted in our scheduled lives. I cannot hold you close enough. The scent of your hair after a bath is one of my all-time favorites now. Each day you show me love and my grinchy heart grows bigger. I appreciate more with you around and you teach me so much. I appreciate and love your father more as well.

It is a pleasure being your mother and one that I am grateful for every day. To see your fathers’ wicked smile and his daring sense of self in you is a treat. I admire your courage and knack you have for getting what you want. You will not be ignored even when we want to because you are running around the house yelling, “A-B-D!” for the millionth time in a one minute span like some cracked out junkie needing a fix.


Happy Birthday Tiny Dictator, we are blessed to have you in our lives, coup d'etats and all.

She's Two- does she really need that party?

T.D. turns two on Sunday. It's T.D. the 2.0 version. As the date draws near I have begun to feel real anxiety about my lack of planning for her big day. There will be no party. Only cake. No balloons, no company invading our home for hours with little tykes to hurl cake around. We’ll take pictures as she blows out the candles, if she even does that and we’ll make a fuss, but that is all.

We thought about taking her to lunch but her favorite eatery, except Chick Fil A is closed on Sundays. We thought about a lot of things and came to the decision that we not only wouldn't go nuts on a party but we would not be buying her loads of presents. Christmas was only two months ago.

When I look at what we’ve bought her thus far for presents I feel like I’m looking at birthday gifts from the Depression- underpants, crayons, a book, and a pair of shoes.

Except during the Depression this would have been a cornucopia of presents.

H & I made this decision months ago. It is not so much taking the route of having an “un-birthday” or ignoring the day, but, she's two. We did the whole big birthday thing when she was one and while it was cute it was also a whole lot of planning for the adults. I don’t remember my second birthday except I know I had cake due to a photograph. T.D. won’t remember, I tell myself, so why go through all the fuss? The fuss is for us, the adults at this point, not the kids.

Do we make the fuss for others to show how much we care for our kids? To show how much we have and what we can do? That's not any party I want to go to.

When I discussed this point of view with others I got a lot of mixed reviews. Some people thought this was a wise idea because the more we do now as parents for these parties sets us up for our kids expecting and then demanding overblown, ridiculously expensive parties as they get older. Mtv's Sweet Sixteen anyone? Others disagreed and stated that we need to create these memories for later and they love hosting these events because they are fun. My inner anal planner loves this idea in theory until people start actually arriving at my door and I have to play hostess for a few hours. "You can't just ignore your kids birthday", people say. Still others felt that having something small with family is fine as long as we invite a few friends of T.D.'s over. Yeah, we're not going that route either.

Well what if we just have waffles for breakfast (a T.D. favorite), cake with dinner and invite no one but those of us who live in the house? Why is this a bad decision? Am I less of a parent because while I can afford to throw her some big party I choose not to? Am I depriving my child in this way? My thoughts are this, when she is old enough to understand what her birthday is then we'll go back to having parties (next year is my guess) but for now I think the Elmo underpants, cake with sprinkles and waffles for breakfast is how we are going to play it. At least I'm not the only one who thinks this way.

Riddle me this, aside from photos you might have seen of yourself, can you honestly say you remember your second birthday? I was apparently burned with scalding hot coffee on my arms right after I blew out the candles and I don't even recall that traumatizing event.

Now you know my secrets

So you are getting a meme. Feel free to laugh and mock at my answers all you want. Hey it was either this or I was going to have to tell you all about H's dead toenail. The one that he kept scratching last night as I tried to watch Medium.

Scritch, Scritch, Scritch... it was too awful.

1. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE? No, just victory. It was a victory in the family that I was a girl.

2. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED? Tuesday night, sadly watching Scott Baio is 46 & pregnant- oh the shame.

3. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING? For reals? I never thought about it. I'm still not thinking about it.

4. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCH MEAT? This is a question? Turkey but none of that smoked stuff. Plech!

5. DO YOU HAVE KIDS? I have a daughter. She is a tiny dictator.

6. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON who WOULD YOU BE? Paris Hilton or Lindsay Lohan. That way I could wear ridiculous clothing all the time that passes for fashion and people would make fun of me and my freaky boobs, have Barbie-like hair extensions, get in car wrecks with little to no repercussions and act stupid without a care in the world. Isn't that what real life is about?

7. DO YOU USE SARCASM A LOT? What do you think? See answer to question 6.

8. DO YOU STILL HAVE YOUR TONSILS? Yes. Why do you want them?

9. WOULD YOU BUNGEE JUMP? What did your mother tell you about the Brooklyn Bridge?

10. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE CEREAL? Depends on my mood. If I don't care about the skin on the roof of my mouth then something sweet like Crunch Berries but if I'm healthy - Grape Nuts or Kashi. This is getting really personal isn't it?

11. DO YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF? Only the ones without laces. Who made up this question? Is this information pertinent to anything or anyone?

12. DO YOU THINK YOU'RE STRONG? Strong like bull, yes. I'm 130 soaking wet. But my mind can bend spoons.

13. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM? Heavenly Hash, please don't call it Rocky Road it just doesn't taste as good.

14. WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE? Whatever my gut instinct tells me to notice. Creepy or not creepy. Proceed or run screaming to alert the others.

15. RED OR PINK? Red or pink what? Candy? Balloons? Are we having a party? Is it shoes? A car? I sell Arbonne, not Mary Kay.

16. WHAT IS YOUR LEAST FAVORITE THING ABOUT YOURSELF? Lack of will power when it comes to the two "ch's"- chocolate and cheese. That and the fact that I fill out pointless memes.

17. WHO DO YOU MISS THE MOST? Myself in the mirror about every 30 minutes. Oh wait am I suppose to say someone in my house? Ok then, the third floor bathroom mirror gets the most action. I miss my reflection in that one the most. It's a really BIG mirror.

18. DO YOU WANT EVERYONE TO SEND THIS BACK TO YOU? Sure, because we all have oodles of time and I like to know whether or not I'm hanging out with people who get all crazy and take their shoes off without undoing the laces.

19. WHAT COLOR PANTS AND SHOES ARE YOU WEARING? Oh the sad burning hot shame I have admitting this. Black yoga pants. They are maternity. The only maternity thing I still wear. They're wicked comfy, lay off!

20. WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU ATE?
A vitamin. It is how I stay 130 soaking wet. Kidding. A glass of water. What? It is 7 a.m.! There will be coffee...

21. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW? Morning Talk Radio - you don't want to know who. Birds. T.D. doing some ritualistic dance up in her room to a Putumayo CD.

22. IF YOU WERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE? Red. If you were my friend, would you send this? I didn't think so.

23. FAVORITE SMELL? Buttered Popcorn. Veggie Lasagna. The ocean. T.D.'s hair after a bath.

24. WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE? H. No one EVER calls me.

25. DO YOU LIKE THE PERSON WHO SENT THIS TO YOU? I did, then she sent me some whacked out meme with ridiculously banal questions like, "if you were a crayon..." and I stupidly answered all of them.

26. FAVORITE SPORTS TO WATCH? Terps Basketball and hockey (but not on TV.

27. HAIR COLOR? You expect me to answer this? It is like the riddle of the sphinx!

28. EYE COLOR? Brown

29. DO YOU WEAR CONTACTS? Yes, I'm legally blind.

30. FAVORITE FOOD? Too tough to answer. Chocolate, cheese, brocolli, the list goes on.

31. SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDINGS? Scary movies scare me. Heh. Though I can watch 'The Shining' all day. Really. All day.

32. LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED? I am Sam. I can never watch it without wincing though and having my heart break before the kid is even born.

33. WHAT COLOR SHIRT ARE YOU WEARING? A pepto pink Avon Walk shirt.

34. SUMMER OR WINTER? Summer, livin' is easy.

35. HUGS OR KISSES? I'm a hugs girl.

36. FAVORITE DESSERT? Key lime pie or chocoate mousse. Don't try to serve me any of that rice pudding, bread pudding dessert unless you want to see me act like a two year old and get all bajiggity on your butt for serving me "fake" dessert.

Questions 37 & 38 have been deleted because they were more boring than that time you tried to read, War & Peace.

39. WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING NOW? I lost count of my books... Your Child's Strengths (its a review), Forgive Me, Alva & Consuelo Vanderbilt, Edith Wharton biography

Ditto for question 40.

41. WHAT DID YOU WATCH ON TV LATE LAST NIGHT? Medium off the DVR, a few bits of Terps basketball before I caved and headed to bed.

42. FAVORITE SOUND. The ocean. What? Were you expecting something else like a typical mommyblogger answer: My child's laugh....

43. ROLLING STONES OR BEATLES? I'm a rabid Paul McCartney geek, the Beatles. Though I've seen the Stones in concert and they aren't half bad. I love Charlie.

44. WHAT IS THE FARTHEST YOU HAVE BEEN FROM HOME? Paris, France which felt pretty homey to me.

45. DO YOU HAVE A SPECIAL TALENT? I hear and see dead people. I totally predicted Pink announcing her separation from Corey Hart the day before. I awkwardly blurted it out at the gym. Everyone stared. I felt vindicated the next day at the gym when it was announced on E. I rock!

Okay... a real one? Writing.

46. WHERE WERE YOU BORN? Woonsocket

47. WHOSE ANSWERS ARE YOU LOOKING FORWARD TO GETTING BACK? Seriously? People probably stopped reading this at question 4. Whoever answers back wins a prize pack of beauty supplies. Really. I have loads of products I would love to hand over. Some come and get'em!

Angel Pins & Mardi Gras Beads

I'm all over the place today. I actually allowed myself to flop back into bed this morning thinking, eh... I've got a post topic or two rattling around in my bean, I'm fine. Psssht.

Then I went to the gym and had my ass kicked by one cheerful instructor who likes it when we silently curse her.

When I came home I had an email from my mother, my aunt passed away at 4:45 a.m. She was 94. We knew it was coming, in fact, I said a silent prayer this morning asking that my aunt be made at peace. By the time I said it, it was already done. So allow me a moment to regroup and greeve a bit.

She made a mean martini.

She wore Mardi Gras beads all year long, no matter what the occassion.

She drove a white, zippy little car with a red racing stripe and a spoiler on the back for extra edge.

Her cat, Charlie, was so obsessed with I-C-E C-R-E-A-M you couldn't even spell it out unless you were ready to witness the insanity that would ensue as he bounced around the kitchen meowing for his cold treat. It delighted her to no end.

Last Christmas she sent T.D. a card reading, "To Baby M, you can hardly expect a 93 year old woman to remember all these names can you?" I kept the card as it made me laugh. She didn't have to send T.D. a card let alone a check.

This Christmas my mother came bearing jewelry. Seems my aunt no longer had use for her festive beads, kitchy cocktail rings, angel pins, and other assorted costume jewlery. She passed it on to us. I am now the proud owner of bronze pop-beads and yes, I wore them last week. They are divine. T.D. is quite the sight as she cruises around the house in the high style that only those big, glossy ropes of pearls can instill.

Artwork from her home and husband adorns the walls of my house. I owe my art supplies to her, easels and all.

She was funny, smart, generous, a little bit wild and full of charm and love.

I loved her and she will be missed.

Whoo Whee! The Excitement Cannot Be Contained.

I'd like to think I lead the kind of exciting life that provides endlessly funny and entertaining blog fodder but lately not even Target runs or treks to the low-budget grocery store produce more than mild annoyance or wild moments of elation (incredibly cute shoes for $7!!!) and the hum drum moments that make up everyday life.

Really.

Do you really want to know that I almost snapped after my daughter discovered her first paper cut and proceeded to say, "paypah tut" about ninety times, and that is a minimal estimate, in a row that made me slowly crazy.

The dog has not peed in our bed this week so, Huzzah!

I have just been working, staying in line with the 10 week challenge and no one at my gym has even done anything remotely amusing. I cannot count the block of Dire Straits music I had to do ab crunches to the other day. I swear money is not for nothing and chicks are certainly not free. I have three, including me in this house and we are an expensive lot, Target sprees and all.

Nothing dastardly can even be reported about a call from my former work yesterday. Nothing. It was a friendly call and that is all. I know.

We can talk about this new show debuting on TLC March 3. The Secret Lives of Soccer Moms? I'm curious to watch a show that gives women a week to see what their life would be like if they had not gotten off the career roller coaster and stayed home to raise their kids full time. At the end of the week, they have to make a choice. Go back to work or go back to their lives. This show seems rife with problems to me. It is not reality. It is a dream. Sure, who doesn't want a week to see what television can orchestrate? There is no accounting for any of life's realities but I am anxious to see what the women choose to do and how TLC deals with the issue of Moms returning to work. Will it be very Cinderella-ish or more reality based? Discuss...

I am off to the post office. That HAS to produce some blog fodder. Unless of course one of you would like to take over and create a roundtable discussion regarding Castro stepping down due to his age and his 76 year old brother taking over.

Check out my forays into menu planning here. Seriously, this is actually one cool product great for 'just for one' or families.

Is it Worth It?

Because I really worked it this weekend.

Here's a riddle for you. What do you get when you combine-

Three friends spending

Three hours baking

Two batches of brownies

One batch of sugar cookies

One batch of peanut butter kiss cookies

One batch of chocolate chip cookies

One batch of chocolate covered peanut butter bars

A couple of baskets, one poster, a batch of pink ribbons and

Four hours spent standing outside in the early morning cold outside of a Wal-mart?


The answer: $54 and some change.


Yes, my friends, after all that we raised $54 for the Avon Walk this weekend. It is true. We are, as a nation, giving less this year than in years past. Last year when it rained and I froze my tookas off in the freezing cold I raised $100. The year before that? $200 in the winds of January complete with snow. I'm trying not be depressed about it. All that work and we had to split the $54 three ways.

We thank the woman who clearly taught her teens this lesson at a young age as they all clamored to donate their crumpled bills before heading into Wally World. You ma'am have done your job well, your teens were pleasantly surprised and grateful that they received cookies for their donation.



Donations are still being accepted here.

It's The Random Facts Edition

I was asked to list ten random facts about me in an interview recently (I'm as shocked as you that someone wanted to interview me) and since it is Friday, my WIFI is still messed up and now I have a lovely sty taking up residence and taking over my right eye, I'm taking it easy to day-

Random Facts About Me- (because I'm that fascinating)

I believe in E.T.'s

I hate the dark.

I love fluffernutter sandwiches, especially for breakfast when training for the Avon Walk.

I wish I played the bass violin.

I have been a Titanic nut since I was nine which also makes me never want to take a cruise nor do I like deep ocean water.

I have medium skills but please don't ask me if your Aunt Mildred is nearby or if you have a ghost in your house. It doesn't really work like that.

I prefer purses over shoes. In fact, I hate shoe shopping in general. Does that make me less of a girl?

I work best early in the morning.

I am not good at math. It is laughable and yet very sad how bad I am at it. So let's keep laughing...

I've been a bridesmaid more times than I like to recount. I could have been in 27 Dresses at this point.

I think I could take Ann Coulter in a fight. That woman's massive amount of hatred for life in general makes me think I could break her in seconds flat.

I want to like Hilary but I just can't.

I could listen to Daniel Day Lewis read a dictionary and think it was Oscar worthy.

Alright I need coffee. Go forth, comment, share your random facts or thoughts. I know you have some good ones!

Please pass the schmaltz

Yes, Internets, I will admit it. Valentines Day turns me into a total sap. Me. The person who shuns hugs and has to remind myself to pet my dog. Me, the person who swatted their own mother away moments after birth, loves Valentines Day, the most commercialized day of the year.

I love Valentines Day for all its schmaltz too. It coconut-crème filled, shiny foiled lined, candy coated goodness. I love it not only because it is my father’s birthday or the day my daughter was supposed to be born but because I can show my soft, sappy side and blame it on the 14th of February rather than the fact that sometimes I can be soft and cuddly. Sometimes.

Without further ado my top picks for Valentines Day songs and movies. I do love my lists!

Possession, Sarah McCachlan -is there anything sexier than that song? I think not.
Silly Love Songs, Paul McCartney - I used to dance around to the song as a cashier at CVS it seemed the only song that permeated the musty muzak station we always had to listen to. I will always love it because it is fun and simple.
Maybe, I’m Amazed- More Sir Paul thank you very much (his love does do it good)
Always a Woman, Billy Joel- I’m dating myself here but this song is just so damn good.
All I Want is You, Carly Simon- Dude, I’m old.
Shining Star, The Manhattans- and I have terrible taste in music but this is my wedding song, man. This one is for you H.

On to the films, ahem, lurve stories

Pretty in Pink -what’s better than that kiss in the parking lot? Nothing.
The Way We Were -because I’m a Katie girl and this movie just says it all and makes me weary with sadness each time I watch it and I love that. It kicks a Love Story's ass any day too.
Love, Actually -I see this as more of a Christmas film but it always makes me shine with happiness after viewing it.
Gone with the Wind -It is my all time favorite movie and I just love that fiery spark between those two.
The Piano -unspeakably sad and romantic when I was 16 and saw it for the first time and now even more so.
The Notebook -a bit of a cheese factor here, but it makes me cry each and every time.

Join in the fun! List your fave songs and movies for Valentines Day.

As Britney Spears would say, "Happy heart day y'all!"

Verizon Customer Service is No Friend of Mine

Scene: My home, afternoon, precious naptime/work minutes ticking away. I am on deadline. My internet connection goes down and after fiddling with it all day I decide to call Verizon.

After spending a few minutes on hold I am finally put through to a person who doesn't sound like she is from halfway around the world. Is this even possible? That has never happened before! Yet, her voice does sound suspicously not human. I've verified my name, number, address, H's name, my third cat's birthday and how old I was when I learned to ride a bike and I think, "Are we done yet?"

Customer Service Rep: Please state your telephone number again ma'am.

V: 875-3425.

CSR: Is that 759-3324?

V: No, (tight smile forms on my face) 875-3425.

CSR: 875-3427? Is that correct?

V: N00... 8 7 5 3 4 2 5

CSR: Let me make sure I have this correct. 875-3425.

V: YES!

CSR: OK ma'am, do you have an alternate number in case this line goes down?

V: (this line might go down? It is only raining outside. What does she know?) Yes.

After a repetition only slightly more painful and involved she gets the second phone number correct. I have already silently mouthed to the phone if she is on crack and pulled the phone away from me to glare at her from a far.

CSR: OK ma'am, what seems to be the problem? Your phone line?

V: Uh..no. It's my internet connection. That is why I called the DSL hotline. It says it is working but when I repair it the computer says it is my provider not the computer. All systems are go on the router and modem.

CSR: What color is the modem?

V: Seriously? It's beige.

CSR: Beige? (this color seems to have confounded her) Beige..., she mutters.

V: Or tan? Ecru? Maybe a light grey? There is a slightly toasty look to the top now from having the router on top of it. (oops)

CSR: Are you the wife of H ma'am?

V: (What the.. weren't we just talking about my modem?) Yessss.....

CSR: What lights are blinking on the router ma'am?

V: All of them. The ethernet, the ready light and the power light.

CSR: The power light, the ready light, the internet light and the USB?

V: USB? No. (Never mentioned this light and I repeat them for her twice)

At this point she starts asking about lights that I've never heard or seen on the router. We go through the same rigamarole that we did with the phone number. I'm on her to game. She just wants me off the phone. She wants me so frustrated that I hang up and never call Verizon support again. She has even begun to snicker at me when I repeat things back to her for the third time.

CSR: You are using a phone right ma'am?

V: WTF? Yes. I am using a phone. That's how people call each other these days. Those new fangled telly-phone dee-vices.... Ugh.

I am now crawling on my knees as she has instructed pulling on cords and wires. I am out of breath and very annoyed. She keeps getting the terms router and modem confused causing all sorts of calamity. As I get up off the floor I notice dog poop.

Dog poop.

When was the dog in here because this just happened. As I listen to CSR yammer on about wires and connections I silently curse my dog and begin to clean up the mess. At this point I have shut off everything, turned it on, shut if off, and turned it on again. I type in some ridiculous website address and am asked.

CSR: Do you see the map ma'am?

V: Yes! yes I do! (I'm starting to feel like I might in an episode of Lost) Do I touch a button? What does the map mean?

CSR: Close it down ma'am. You don't need to mess with the map. Now shut everything off again.

V: Are you messin' with me lady? What is the map for? I need to know!

CSR: Don't worry about the map. You'll see it again.....

She has established that my DSL connection and modem are fine. My computer is fine. The router is not her problem or her company's so she blames it on them and says all is fixed. Except I still don't have my WIFI and I don't work on the desktop. Forty minutes and 34 seconds of work/naptime are gone. Poof!

CSR: Ma'am, on a scale of one to ten would you reccommend Verizon customer service to a friend or family member?

V: Just leave me alone... Haven't you done enough to this family today? Just tell me what the map means....

Products I won't be reviewing

I review a lot of products and many more come into my house that I never even wanted to know existed much less ever review. Here are some that will not be making the final cut on Mummy's Product Reviews.


1. Monogrammed Toilet Paper- The ultimate in personalization I suppose. I especially love the gold monogramming because just having cushy double-ply Charmin is obviously not enough for some people. To me this is the be all and end all in tackiness.


2. Hufu- What the heck is hufu? Why it is tofu that has the texture of human flesh. Just in case you want to be a cannibal and um.. just can't go through with the procuring of the actual meat. Blech doesn't even cover it. Is it just me or does Hufu closely resemble a Hot Pocket?


3. Batter Blaster- The aerosol spray pancake batter. It's fast and it looks real but the very idea that I'm spraying my pancake batter that is actually labled as an organic product just does not produce warm kitchen memories for me and my family. It is a little too Jetson's for my taste.


4. South Beach Skin Solutions Lightening Gel- Actually, this product is not so bad. It supposedly has stellar results lightening freckles, age spots, acne scars and more. I would love that for the freckles on my chest that age me. It is the more part of the sales pitch that they used towards me that made me all squirmy. The gentle to use formula for lightening your areas "down there" and towards the back. Yeah, you know what I'm talking about. As a friend of mine said, "Wow, the person that feels the need to use this is seriously too concerned with appearance. Maybe this is really popular among porn stars or something. I bet Paris Hilton uses it." Enough said.


5. Corndog Air Freshner- Because I don't just want my house to smell like a mall I want it to smell like old grease and weiners. Who needs to drive by a weinerhut to have that smell permeate your car?! You can just stick this handy and oh so classy air freshner in your car and you too can smell like a carnie all day long.



While I'm on the subject of reviews I would like to put this out there. If you are a company this is looking for me to review your product, please contact me first. Don't just send random stuff to my house and think I'll stick it on my site because I a whore for any old free thing. I can't tell you the amount of crap DVDs I get in my house each week. Ninja Noodles anyone?

I like Eco-friendly items. I'm sick to death of DVDs. I can't even give them away! I like clothing, jewelery, handbags and shoes. Send me cosmetics and skin products until the my house bursts at the seams but make sure it acutally appeals to my audience. Women, kids and babies. My highest readership is the 3-6 mos set. If you are a woman who has her own business and wants to promote it I will be more than happy to take a look at what you have and see what we can do.

So PR companies listen up. I know you are looking for a free ride here but you just aren't going to get it. I need you to work with me and my site. Appeal to me and we'll work out a deal. Send me one more Barney DVD and I might have to burn it in effigy and that is not very earth friendly.

It's SUPER TUESDAY- For Me!

"It's the most wonderful time of the year..."

Aside from Christmas and the actual Election in November this is quite possibly one of my most favoritest, bestest times of the year!

I was a bit sad last week when all the excitement was flowing on every news channel, newspaper and all over the Internet. I felt left out living here in the DC Metro area. Today, it is a jubilee!

So if you live in the DC Metro area, remember today to VOTE! It's your first right as an American and one that is very important. Know that you are participating in something that really does matter and could quite possibly make history. Exciting, no?

I'm even excited about reigning in a crazy toddler while standing in line so you know this must be a big day for me. I'll report back later! I'm wearing my Baby Brewing shirt while I stand in line that reads, "I'm Blogging This". Because, well, I am.

I love the smell of Super Tuesday in the morning! It smells like... Victory!

Get full election point of views and more fun stuff here at DC Metro Moms! The whole SV, NYC, DC & Chicago set is buzzing with all things politics!

Mayday! Mayday! Mom Down!

Sometimes I wish, secretly hope for and yes, beg for a Command Center of sorts that would monitor my home (only for purposes of good and well-being) from a remote location. They would be able to hear and see what is going on and see what a nightmare lunch time can be. Yeah, it's not always that cute when your child smears sour cream on EVERYTHING. Life with kids is not always one cute photo op after another.

Just when it looks like Mom is about to lose it a little alarm would go off in my house sending out a signal of distress to the Command Center. The Command Center would be on high alert on the days I'm alone for long hours with a million things to do. Like when my husband has decided to change plans or just not call to say he isn't bringing people by our house for a visit, people that I just spent the morning cleaning the house for. Maybe this Command Center could monitor my stress levels and BP. They could measure the octaves of my voice as it reaches levels it shouldn't when the second sandwich has now been thrown on the floor.

I can just see it now-

"Mayday! Mayday! The Mom is going down! I repeat the Mom is going down!"

"I see her! Roger that! She is at maximum stress levels. She is about to blow! We've got to get in there fast before she completely loses it and flips out on the whole house. Her shoulders are next to her ears! Quick! Her fists are clenched! I don't think she even knows about the dog peeing on the carpet downstairs!! This is a dire situation team, we've got to act fast! Go! Go! Go!"

Then there would be a polite knock at the door and an efficient team of helpers would quietly enter the house.

"Ma'am, we're here. It's OK. Just sit down on that love seat over there and we'll handle everything."

They would clean up the dog pee. In fact, they might even steam clean the whole den. The food and sour cream sandwich mess would be a distant memory as someone massaged my shoulders back into their rightful place and I was given a bouquet of fresh flowers for my dining room table to admire and all the sheets were changed in the bedrooms. A quick vacuum job and scrub of the toilets would be added as someone rubbed my feet and made me a nice mug of hot chocolate. After the team leaves I notice all the laundry is folded and put away. And it is clean! Dinner is prepped and ready to go.

"Looks like order has been restored to this house team! The mother's BP is down, her heart rate has decreased and she is actually smiling. It's time to pack it up and move it out."

As the team quietly dissipates and heads back to the Command Center, I would realize I feel normal again for the first time in days. Order has indeed been restored.

Then I realize I've burned the grilled cheese I'm making, the third sandwich of the day, and the dog and kid are wrestling over kibble that has spilled onto the floor and there are now blocks in the toilet. My day dream is effectively over.

Cherry Nyquil Makes Me a Donkey's Patootie

You know those moments that you wish you could take back? Those times when you laugh at a really inappropriate point and then you just can't stop laughing. Everyone around you looks at you like your a total ass and in fact you probably are? I had one of those moments last night.

H has been sick this week. The cold is a bad one. The man has been a trooper all week including last night when he took care of the infamous T.D. while I had a party for a friend (Silpada anyone?). I'm very grateful for that.

Is it my fault that I actually found it funny rather than repulsive when he burped cherry Nyquil in my face last night as I fell asleep?

It happened once and I thought, "Huh. Never had that burped in my face before. Of all the things my kid, strangers or family has burped in my face in my lifetime that has to be the least offensive." Really.

I could have screamed, "Gross H! That's disgusting!" Then gotten all crazy bitch mad on him or something.

Instead I did this-

H rolled over and burped again and a case of the giggles got me. Combined with the tiredness I felt I almost couldn't stop. I was about to get up and head to the guest room when H did it for me.

Today the man won't even look at me or talk to me.

Ouch.

I suppose he thought I was laughing at his being sick. Yet it wasn't that at all. I don't think leaving the house without saying goodbye is the best remedy for the cold or the marriage.

Excuse me while this Donkey mends some fences.

No, I can't go for that. No can do...

(Are you singing Hall & Oates now? What about now? Am I crazy for lovin' them? H says it shows my remarkably bad taste in loser music.)

Because it is day 45 (no I'm not pregnant) and I feel like I've been pmsing for the last million days (To those who live near me, I'm sorry. I don't like it either. I'm really trying to be nice, cuddly and such but my hormones are whack yo and it makes it hard to feel human-like) I'm posting things that irritate me or I just plain don't get.


1. Chit-chat in the Express line at Safeway (aka the Seventh Ring of Hell). It's the EXPRESS line people. I'm all for a friendly customer-cashier relationship and all but when the line is four and a half people deep and that half person is trying to use the conveyor belt as a place to do the moon walk, read/throw magazines and drool snot on other people's purchases can't we just HURRY IT ALONG?! Do you need to stop? Not bag groceries? Not scan items? Just chit-chat to someone who is clearly a stranger? You've bonded that fast?! It's the EXPRESS line?!

2. Getting rear-ended. We are putting this in the "irritate me" category. Lady, you cut me off and then you rear-ended me. Don't think I didn't see you reading that piece of paper either. I just forgot to tell the insurance company about that. Don't then think you can tell them I had previous damage to my bumper. Until you, the only damage to my car was on the inside inflicted by a tiny dictator which was more like a hurricane of cheerios. That and H getting late night McD's and leaking those tiny maggot-like onions covered in ketchup all over my drivers side seatbelt and seat. Seriously. Sick! I thought the cheerios were spawning bugs for a moment.

3. Two girls. One cup. Not the spoofs either. Look it up if you must. I'm not putting the link here. I don't need traffic that badly. I'm blaming E for making me wretch and gag for days afterwards. I just don't get it. Or the girls in it.

4. The cards in the back of library books. They no longer stamp them. They aren't scanned. Yet the library can't seem to quit them. So they leave them in and they are bright blood red now. Why bother library? Why? I find them all over my car now after each trip because they fall out all the time and serve no purpose but to waste more paper.

5. The appeal of Rick Salomon. Don't get it. The dude looks like a poster-boy for venereal diseases. He was married to Shannen Doherty. Now Pam Anderson. Starlets flock to him and he's always wearing that stupid ski hat. Does the clap make you cold? Does anyone call it the clap anymore?


I don't get the appeal of the Olson twins either. They haven't done anything but slouch in years but they are still somehow 'relevant'?

Share what irritates you today! It's a free for all over here! Don't get something? Put it in the comments. It's all about sharing today. Plus I need to be entertained.

Here's some bloggy love too while I'm at it. I can't be curmudgeonly all the time now can I? Stimeyland is getting the love today because through her I turned The Mummy Chornicles into this. I always wanted a Ninja Cat on the site! That and I should have named my kid this. Rambo indeed. I mean she did shoot her blanky after all.

P.S. H? Are you hearing this? Your daughter totally rocked out to Hall & Oates this morning.. bwahhahaa!

The Next Evil Knievel?

I walk into her room. She is sitting sweetly, quietly in her rocking chair holding a pink bear. A pink bear that used to be on the shelf above her chair. Way, way above that chair. I ask her how she got the pink bear and she states, all sugar and sweetness, "I reached it Momma." Her first sentence!

No. Not really but reached?

She reached it?

It is not possible. Unless...

Unless she climbed the armrest up to the back of the chair and then she would be the correct height to reach the pink bear and only if she first moved the rocking chair up against the wall. Eesh! The kid is not even two yet!

ONE DAY LATER

I hear a loud thud coming from her room. She is supposed to be napping. Clearly no cute toddler dreams are taking place. I crack open the door just enough to peek in to find a truly horrifying site.

The thud?

A pink plastic pig she has thrown off her nightstand. It was clearly in the way of her standing on her nightstand. She has pushed her CD player aside to make more room for her tiny size 5 feet.

The water container of her humidifier has been removed so that the resevoir is exposed and full of water. She jumps into it feet first.

Aye!

I thought having a daughter would be easier. Last night she tried to slide down the banister into our living room. I don't even want to know what 11 or 17 is going to be like.

I'm temporarily blocking this all out. I can't think about what else she might do today. This kid doesn't care about getting into cabinets or jamming stuff into electronics. She just wants to climb, jump, and dive bomb stuff. I see a career in horse-diving or something similiar in her future.

UPDATE: All I have heard for the last thirty minutes from T.D. is, "I shot Dee-Dee." Dee-Dee would be her blanket. Great. Now she is toting a gun.



Totally off subject but equally hilarious (especially the Jet dance) and it is better than the paltry piece the Today Show offered. Enjoy!

It's Time!

There's something new on this site. It went up yesterday. Do you know what it is?

That's right! It's the Avon Walk for Breast Cancer button. Go ahead click it. You know you want to. I'm doing the walk again this year. It is a bit late in the game (less than 90 days to raise $1800!) and I'm- OK let's face it, I'm scared to death this year that I won't make it and raise the needed amount. This is the first year I feel this fear too. Especially when I realized yesterday that my old website from last year is the one that got circulated to donors in an email showing I have over 100% already raised. Greaaatt.

I keep telling myself though that I don't do the walk to fret about raising the money. I sign up each year because I have to. I feel compelled to do so. I can't let a year go by without doing it. There are still family members and friends, mother's of my friends, teammates and co-workers who need my support. There are strangers living right in this area who need the support, medical treatment and screenings that the Avon Foundation provides. These people are fighters. They are survivors. I walk for them. I walk because I know too many people whose lives have been forever changed by this disease and it just keeps adding up. I need to do my part no matter how small.

This year just when I was feeling like maybe I had run out of time to adequately fundraise I met Susan through DC Metro Moms. I began to read her blog, ToddlerPlanet,and all over again I knew that the walk was on. I had to do it. Susan's optimistic spirit and smiling face was the push I needed to take on another year of training in the rain, the cold, to asking (alright begging sometimes) everyone I know (strangers too!) to donate to this cause (no amount is too small!). If you don't believe me you'll soon see me standing outside of a Wal-mart near you selling baked goods. Yes, folks, I will stand there with my pink ribbons, my AWBC sign, freezin' my toukas off on early Sunday mornings to raise the money that results in thousands getting proper treatments. Treatment they otherwise might not be able to afford.

So check out the link to my website. Learn about the walk. I'll keep you posted on my training (it is 26.2 miles after all) and my fundraising. If you feel compelled to donate I THANK YOU in advance and again later! Trust me, you are supporting an amazing cause that helps so many.

See what friends and bloggers can do when they get together below:

Game Plan? Sleep

I found myself getting slowly irritable yesterday as I repeatedly circled the aisles of my grocery store. When I saw the tenth endcap of salsa and chips and felt a white hot rage I realized there might be a problem.

By the time I got home this irritability had turned into a zombie-like state and all I wanted was some cool darkness and a nap. I entered my house and it was amazingly enough completely quiet. Bliss! Then I shut the front door and found I was mistaken. No, everyone was not asleep like I thought and hoped. Dreamed, really. Everyone was awake. I explained my state to H and told him it would be best if he went for a run and that I was putting T.D. down for a nap. Please do not disturb. I was on the verge of turning into a beast.

It is official. I have insomnia.

As I type this I am already thinking of tonight's quest for sleep. What's my strategy? My game plan. Drugs or no drugs? Is it time to bring in the big guns and speak to a doctor and beg for some heavier meds? OTC's have not been cutting it lately.

Since I was a child I go through stages like this. Sleep becomes elusive. When I was little I would just read. I would read until the sun came up. No longer possessing the energy of a ten year-old I now just lie awake and wait. I toss. I turn. I shift pillows and cover up only to find that minutes later I cannot stand the pillows or the blankets. My side of the bed is a tumulutous mess of tangled sheets and frustration.

I am so tired right now my insides are trembling. It is 7 a.m.

My body aches.

I look at my bed and I want to tear up the pillows in rage.

Five minutes later I feel the urge to lay back down and calmly caress the sheets.

When I go to bed at night I have the best intentions. In fact, it was not until last night that I realized the pattern. Broken sleep becomes no sleep. I lie there trying to nod off but every noise, shift in the bed, air flow change and more becomes painfully obvious to me and my body just stays awake. My mind begins to toss random images out that keep me from simply closing my eyes and heading towards actual REM.

Hillary Clinton with rabbit teeth. Extremely large rabbit teeth and she is not cute bunny.

Visualizing myself sleeping peacefully.

Hillary Clinton in polka-dotted power suits chopping wood. WTF?

I think of all I need to do the next day, this week and then try and block it all out.

I fall in love with my blankets.

I hate my blankets.

I think of sleeping as soon as I wake up now. It is at that point. I make pacts to nap. I promise to head to bed at 8 p.m. and yet I never do.

My game plan for tonight: To conquer this insomniactic beast that makes me a cranky, miserable drooling mess during the day.

How will I do it? I have no freakin' clue. All I know is that I cannot take one more night of visions of Hillary dancing in my head.


Want to hear how I lost my bloat and some additional pounds? Head over here NOW. I'm giving away a free copy of this great book!

In Which Midland, Texas Keeps Me up Late.

Am Sshleepy.

GNO = 2 a.m.

No more white wine.

Only caffiene. Somebody get me an IV.

Am no longer 22 and able to stay up late and then bounce out of bed at toddler wake up time.

Gym? Forget it. I'm in the penalty box now.

Waited up for friends plane that was delayed before it even left the ground.

So..zzzzzzzzzzzz...what?! Oh. Tired. today.

Must curl up in ball with toddler with faucet for a nose and rest. No worky today.



Check out my latest on Moms Speak Up here. Mummy's Product Reviews is giving away some fun DVDs and has great new items up (think cashmere!) to peruse. Have a great weekend readers. T.D., H and I will be here Saturday!