Pffft... Who needs sleep?!

We don't need a new baby to give us sleepless nights. Nope. We have T.D. a.k.a. the Sleep Torturer. Just like her name, the Tiny Dictator, she has blossomed into a czar who makes sleeping four hours in a row seem like bliss.

For example:

I pass out at 7:30 p.m. last night. Lucky me. Sleep when baby sleeps right? Except baby is two and not napping in the afternoon and throwing a Goebbels-sized fit about going to bed. Somehow though the pregnancy hormones make it impossible for me to stay up any longer. I wake up two more times before 9 p.m. and officially turning in.

11:13 p.m.- The dictator arises. She is dissatisfied with her bumble bee blanket. How dare we try to provide extra warmth with such an inferior blanket. Rather than kick if off herself she just wails until we take it off.

I shuffle back to bed.

12 a.m.- Crying again. I open the door to her room and find she is A-OK. It's just a drill apparently. Kick ass.

I shuffle back to bed and trip over a dog bone.

2:32 a.m.- Screams can be heard from across the hall. T.D. is wet and highly pissed. No pun intended.

H stumbles back to bed after changing her.

We slumber for three blissful, uninterrupted hours until....

5:47 a.m.- Terror grips me as it sounds like a wild animal has attacked my child. Actually it is just thirst. She wants milk. At 5:47 a.m. I oblige if it will buy me more sleep.

6:42 a.m.- Awake again. The milk untouched, no diaper change needed the dictator is severely displeased with the book and toy selection in her room. Music is not acceptable either. I want to slam my head into something hard enough to deem me unconscious and therefore unable to deal with any of this. A pounding headache is beginning as is a cold. H snuffles in bed with the dog who both sound like a cold is imminent for them as well.

I lay in bed pleading for silence when at last it occurs until...

7:15



Today is the first of my birthday festivities and while I'm excited I just hope I can stay awake. Especially after having to take a meeting today and then driving everyone around tonight. I'm exhausted just thinking about it all.

Poof! You're Two!

From this



to this



in what seems like 0 to 60 in no time flat.

Look at you, you are two today. Because of that, I suppose I should write some sappy hearts and flowers post about how it is hard to believe that two years ago on this very day, you my sweetie face munchkin dumpling with cheeks so cute your Aunt E wants to bite them, was born.

Right, then. Let’s get started shall we? I think that’s what the midwife said when I asked if it was OK to push.

To T.D., my tiny dictator, who I wouldn’t have any other way. I love everything about you no matter what I may say under clenched teeth and furrowed brow. I love your big brown eyes that mirror my own. I love your tiny teeth and even the fangs. Actually, I am quite proud of those and I must say, a bit envious. You have the most infectious laugh so forgive me if I cannot stop tickling you just to hear it over and over again. It is truly music to my ears.

You make me stop and really examine life on a wide and small scope. Through you, I actually do stop and smell flowers and other things we adults might take for granted in our scheduled lives. I cannot hold you close enough. The scent of your hair after a bath is one of my all-time favorites now. Each day you show me love and my grinchy heart grows bigger. I appreciate more with you around and you teach me so much. I appreciate and love your father more as well.

It is a pleasure being your mother and one that I am grateful for every day. To see your fathers’ wicked smile and his daring sense of self in you is a treat. I admire your courage and knack you have for getting what you want. You will not be ignored even when we want to because you are running around the house yelling, “A-B-D!” for the millionth time in a one minute span like some cracked out junkie needing a fix.


Happy Birthday Tiny Dictator, we are blessed to have you in our lives, coup d'etats and all.

A Case of the Spins and NO I'm Not Pregnant

So much and yet almost nothing went on this past holiday/birthday weekend. We headed south late Thursday in an uneventful fashion and hit my MiL's. The weather could not have been better for a relaxing weekend by the water. Relaxing to extreme itchy boredom for some. That some being me. Let's just say that by Saturday, my actual birthday, I had just about enough laying around. I was slowly losing my mind.

SEQUENCE OF EVENTS

10 p.m.- Arrive. Unpack. Hit bed. Aaah.

FRIDAY- Finish book by pool. Start second book (Yeah! New Jen Lancaster!) Eat a total of 6 pancakes, 2 homemade sausage patties, lots of Doritos, soda, a brownie sundae, popcorn, and various other unhealthy items but oh so yummy. Some fruit might have snuck in there but probably covered with either cheese or chocolate.

SATURDAY- My birthday. Hurrah! Am 31. Joy. Hmm... Eat eggs Benedict. Oof. Try to go for run, but find I am almost too stuffed with carbs and candy that I can barely trot. Feel heavy. Convince H to not take a third nap and drive into quaint country town for lunch. Eat cheesy panini and peruse homemade ice cream. Have now consumed about 4-5 cups of coffee. Remember that later.

Head back to MiL's for more supine positions and reading. I am plowing through 'Bright Lights, Big Ass.' H decides to not opt for that 5th nap and wants to go for a boat ride. T.D. is put in life vest and we all trot down to the pier. I feel sick. The simple act of walking and standing on the pier is making me all spinny. When H asks me to climb aboard first to then take T.D. on board I almost puke with the thought of how unsteady I feel. Yuk. Although nice because I REALLY did NOT want to go on a boat ride. I'm feeling too lethargic to sit anywhere other than the couch. I might need to cram in a few pieces of cheese and salted items into my pie hole to make it back to the house safely.

Back inside I read and try to nap. I am finally napping (my first all weekend) and the phone rings. It rings more. And then again. I should break my "not my phone so I will not answer" rule. It's my MiL. She's no longer on the boat, but at a friends. Seems the boat has had engine trouble and they have been picked up by friends and brought there. Shall they risk driving home with no car seat for T.D. or should I drive to pick them up? I will pick them up. The directions to get to this place involve many twisty turns and hills on back roads. This thought alone makes me want to hurl all my cheese and chocolate imbibed products on the pretty tiled floor. Ick. MiL asks if I'm still woozy. Yes.

MiL- "Have you missed your period?" Tinkly laughter.

Me- "No!" I cringe. Nervous laughter. I'm really going to be ill now. She just said that in front of someone I don't even know. This brings our relationship to a whole new level. One I'm not quite into and ready for. Eek. I gurgle and groan that I am fine. I will pick them up. Sigh.

I cram some chicken, cheese and assorted fatty products into my mouth hoping to feel better and grab a Coke. Just as I'm about to leave I see H heading back up the dock. Joy! My MiL's husband opts to pick them all up with a car seat. YEAH!

I head back to the den and the safety of the non-spinning couch. Really? What is wrong with me? It's my damn birthday!

Later I hear my MiL ask H if I'm possibly pregnant. I see his face as he is visibly uncomfortable when she poses the missed period question again. Ick. Just ick. I shuffle away to save myself from the rest of the conversation.

DINNER HOUR- Coconut cake, lots of food, and candles. I receive a laptop, a flight home with T.D. and my MiL, a vegetable peeler (H's idea of of a joke- a proper gift for the proper wifey!), and this


Ha Ha. Finish Jen Lancaster book. Good read! Love you Jen! Hurry up with book three!

SUNDAY- Head home. YEAH! Movies with H! Johnny Depp in Jack Sparrow glory. Or not. On the way to the movies H trips on the front steps and is mildly injured. At the mall pre-movie to buy shoes an extremely molasses in January is quicker older woman weaves around in front of us tripping up H and causing me to step on his foot. He groans in pain. Does funny little pain dance and curses at me and well, everything. Fists clenched he heads off to buy shoes. He's limping. By dinner his ankles is swelling. I make a Target run for instant cold packs and pain reliever. We hit the theatre. It doesn't last. H is in agony. His drawn white face and painful movements have us asking for a refund on our tickets. A night of swashbuckling is not to be. At least we don't have to sit next to the teens in pirate garb.

MONDAY- Last day of holiday. H's ankle is much improved after icing and wrapping. We hit the movies. A day on the high seas in a darkened theatre is more my speed. I am non plussed with the film, but enjoy the outing all the same. We dine al fresco that night and relax. Aaah. A nice way to end the weekend.

LATER THAT NIGHT- H and I are in agony. A weekend of waffles, sausage, pancakes, cake, salted tasty treats, too much booze and soda, plus ice cream and whatever else we forced into our gaping holiday food imbibing mouths has taken a toll. We are hot and cold. Our stomachs in knots. Lack of exercise contributes. We lay awake moaning and breathing heavy and it's not in fun. I cannot wait for the weekend to end.

TUESDAY- Worked out. Drunk gallons of water. Fruit and veggies pack the house. We are back on track.

I am no longer spinny and I AM NOT PREGNANT.

Happy, Happy!

I'm turning the big 3-1 this week. Not to be confused with 4-0 or last year's big 3-0 where I threw myself a big ol' party that included a very large cake, too much alcohol, H being dubbed 'chocolate puke stain' (CPS for short) for a while, and an ambulance being called. And no, it was not due to a white trash type fight or too much drink. Needless to say it was a party to remember.

This year I'm a little more sedate in my partying. It's relaxation and a bit of a getaway I'm looking for. I'll be strolling waterside, lounging by the pool, and reading at my MiL's. I know. I'm choosing to spend my birthday at my Mother-in-law's house. We have a good relationship though so when she offered I jumped. Her house is made for resting and it's just far enough away to feel like we've gone somewhere. Coconut cake will be served. Is there anything better?

I comprised a little 3-1 wish list (see right sidebar) for any interested parties. It's short and sweet and to the point. Beyond wishing to get my eyebrows waxed soon there isn't much I really want. Massages are always nice, but I'm really jonesing for a laptop to make my working life better.

For a little funny click here. Izzy finds the funniest things.