Day One- I Feel Like a Statistic

Cross-posted and archived from DC Metro Moms.  Original post from June 19, 2008.

The front door opened. Startled I looked up to find my husband coming home from work early yesterday. I was about to take a work related phone call so I just briefly asked him what was up. He perched himself on the edge of the kitchen counter and said, "It's done. Over. I got laid off."


Immediately, I had to grip the counter myself and keep from feeling as if my brain was doing a fade to black sort of thing. If there wasn't already a baby growing inside me it would have felt as if my stomach was being kicked in. Pummeled. I hear the words being calmly stated, "Two weeks severance...one month of insurance...", and my mind just reels. How are we going to survive? I feel like one of those brief profiles you read about in a story on the current toll of the U.S. economy being featured in Newsweek.

The writer of the article would includes bits about our peaceful townhouse community, the average household income and how with one toddler and a baby on the way we were already feeling the strain of this lousy economy and weak dollar. Now this. Now we join the ranks of so many others in this country and it is all a bit surreal. Already we have heard the "You'll be fine. It will all work out." comments about a million times. It's been under 24 hours and I already want to smack those who say, "Just think! Now he can find something completely new that he wants to do. This is a blessing in disguise." I can't help but grouse and ask myself sarcastically, "Oh. Really? Is is also a blessing in disguise that in a few weeks I will be an uninsured pregnant woman too?"

Yes, we are luckier than some. We have family that could help us out if we really needed it, though when my parents mentioned all the room in their Connecticut home I couldn't help but think of the real meaning there. We would have had to lose our home to move in with them. My mind cannot go there right now. We are lucky to live an area where jobs are not scarce and we have many connections. It is odd that today is the day we have the gender determination sonogram as well. I am struggling with this too. I feel as if we have already let this kid down. This moment is bittersweet. I realize that for not just my peace of mind and sanity do I need to stay positive but also for my husband and child. We will get through this. We will weather this storm. We have to.

Somehow though, at this very point in time, it feels much scarier than when he left for Iraq with no return date given.

Comments



Nicole said...


You haven't let this baby down,






Stay strong, my thoughts and prayers are with you.


Reply June 19, 2008 at 06:04 AM Mel said...


I'm sure everything you are feeling is completely normal. Forgive those who say it is a blessing in disguise because they do mean well, but I am sure I would want to punch them too. I think sometimes we just don't know what to say and feel this enormous amount of pressure to say something to make you feel better. All I can say is that I am thinking about you and your family and hoping things fall in place for you all. It is good to hear you looking at the positives of at least you have contacts and live in a place where jobs are around. Keep us posted!!!


Reply June 19, 2008 at 07:53 AM De in D.C. said...


What field does your husband work in? I'd be happy to submit his resume to my company if you guys think it would help.






Best of luck to your family. Just focus on growing that little guy, and keeping yourself healthy. You have a long time before you have to start worry about worst case scenarios.


Reply June 19, 2008 at 10:15 AM Leticia- Tech Savvy Mama said...


I hope today's sonogram went well and I don't think you've let the baby down. You are still the same loving family you have always been.


Reply June 19, 2008 at 10:43 AM JessicaAPISS said...


@#$%. There are not enough words we can't say in front of our kids to express how crappy this is. Emailing you the names of places that are hiring.


Reply June 19, 2008 at 11:10 AM Melissa said...


You are not letting the new baby down. Life happens, some things you can't control.






Its like rain, you know it will happen sometime, you just don't know when. To that end it is important to have an umbrella. You will pull through it, but it will for sure be rough. Probably it will get worse before it gets better. Just stick with it. A great resource that has been a help to me is Dave ramsey. You can check him out at www.daveramsey.com.






Get his book the Total Money Makeover. Read it, learn it, live it.






Me and my husband just paid off our last debt this week, and now we are saving up for our emergency fund. It feels great. Hang in there, and be sure to write and tell us how things are going.


Reply June 19, 2008 at 12:06 PM the Farmer's Wife said...


It stinks, truly it does. The FIRST time it happened to us was 25 years ago and we had a two-week old baby! It was what I call white knuckle time. It was scary and there was a possibility that the stress and insecurity on both our parts could have damaged our relationship. Be conscious of that and don't let it happen.






The first thing you want to do (although at first it seems counterintuitive) is to let EVERYONE know your situation. Literally tell everyone. I know it feels a little odd, like this is something that shouldn't be shared but letting everyone know gets the word out and believe me, you never know where a job prospect might come from. Tell your husband to pull out the stops on the networking avenues. Again, you never know who might come through, if not with a job they might pass his name along to someone else.






Dig in for the long haul. Pitch all luxuries. We cancelled cable, cut our entertainment budget and did lots of other things that actually saved us a lot of money immediately. He should also look into temp work in his field. That turned into one very good job for my husband. He was hired as a temp and they were so impressed they hired him on full time at a very good salary.






Accept help when everything else fails. At one point we got behind in our mortgage. He'd found a new job but there was going to be some "catch-up" time involved in paying on our bills. We accepted financial help from a family member which we repaid as soon as we could. We've also paid this favor forward, providing financial help when other family members needed it.






Think outside the box. My husband actually had to accept work totally unrelated to his field until something came up.






Never give up. Hard to say because it does get discouraging.






Now...at the beginning I used the phrase "the FIRST time". Yes, it has happened to us many times over my husband's long career. What we learned after that first layoff was invaluable to us. Listen to what Melissa said, because you will want to take steps so that you're never put in this precarious position again.






The economy has been in much, much worse places that this, believe me. We've weathered alot and so can you. Is it going to be easy? No. But you have no other option than to learn and grow. Keep us posted.






- Suzanne, the Farmer's Wife


Reply June 19, 2008 at 02:51 PM Cheryl Wenzel/New Mom Central said...


Arghhh...I hate this friggin economy and the oil and war mongers who put us here!






I hope he finds something soon. My heart is hoping with you and your family. It's easy to say 'be strong," not so easy to do sometimes. I say let the tears flow and the anger flow. Then get back up and do what you always do: deal with it and find a better way.






I don't know if this helps but one thing I do know is that every time I thought there's no way I will ever find a great job/relationship/house like this one, I have been amazed that I, in fact, always found one better!


Reply June 19, 2008 at 02:51 PM Victoria Mason said...


Thank you so much to everyone who has commented, offered advice, job tips and even asked for my husbands resume! We are both so touched beyond what I can say. Thank you!






We are lucky in that we do have an emergency fund and we had already cut luxuries because things were getting tight anyway. We both dropped our gym memberships today and we've pitched a lot of other things in the past few months too. We are firm believers in creating passive income so at least we have a tiny bit of that going for us.






I think the insurance thing really scares me and what would happen to us a few months out. I've been laid off and it was scary but I wasn't even married then.


Reply June 19, 2008 at 02:56 PM JillS said...


I'm right there with you... my husband was part of a structured layoff at his company (the first ever) of 10%...that was 2 weeks ago. This is the second time it's happened to us in 3 years, so I have a pretty good idea of how you're feeling. My little guy was 6 months old when my husband was laid off last time.






I agree with the earlier poster who said tell everyone you know. It can really make a difference.






Hang in there and know you aren't alone.


Reply June 19, 2008 at 07:01 PM mama speak said...


This happened to us when I was pregnant w/my first child, a month before I had her. It was the scarest thing ever. But in the end it was it really was a good thing. We got some great family time together and he ended up getting his dream job.


I know that and $4 will get you a coffee at Starbucks, but my point is that it'll make you stronger and hopefully put you in a better place then you are now.


You have to know from these comments that there are a lot of thoughts and prayers coming your way. Hang in there, it'll be ok, it always is...


Reply June 19, 2008 at 08:58 PM Andrea said...


I feel for you! Being in this situation feels so much worse when you have kids and another on the way. Sending you an email re: some job contacts.


Reply June 19, 2008 at 09:14 PM Kim/hormone-colored days said...


Been there. Done that. It sucks beyond belief. Ironically my DH looks back at his time of unemployement as one of the best times ever because he got to spend so much time with his litte ones (then 3.5 years and 6 months). I think with his rose-colored glasses he forgot that his former employee had stopped paying the med. insurance premiums and we were stuck without health insurance for a while.






It's a hard time, but it will pass.


Reply June 19, 2008 at 09:51 PM Amy@UWM said...


Sending you hugs and lots of energy and strength to make it through this scary and uncertain time. Wishing your husband the best of luck in finding a new job he truly loves.


Reply June 20, 2008 at 05:19 AM stef said...


I'd like to qualify the statement "tell everyone you know". Having been laid off before and professionally coached others post layoff, I have coached others to think through how and what you are going to tell others. Your network (everyone you know) and extended network (your network's network) are one of your most valuable resources to reemployment, but think through the message first so people know how they can best help you.






People will be happy to help. Sometimes the best help is information that can be exchanged...about an opportunity, or research about a company, who to contact, etc. Give them something specific they can help you with.






By organizing your thoughts, you can ask for the support you need. Your husband should craft his 30 second commercial about himself, what are his top 3 skills, what companies or types of companies would he like to target, what types of jobs or work is he looking for (is there a specific job title or type of work)? Think through and ask for the kind of support you are looking for: information, an introduction to someone in a particular field or particular company, info about resources or finances, emotional and informational support on this blog? You can also memorize the "commercial" and tell your network (as you've reached out here). Ask for an active response at the end of it, "if you hear of any opportunities for engineering work, can you let me know?" "Do you happen to know anyone who works at ABC company?"






Best of luck! We are all routing for you and your family.


Reply June 21, 2008 at 07:52 AM STL Mom said...


Oh, so sorry! My husband was laid off when I was 6 months pregnant with our second, and I had just given notice because I had decided to stay home with the kids. My replacement was already hired, although they did let me stay a few extra weeks to train in the new person.


We ended up moving halfway across the country (when I was seven months pregnant) for the new job, and althought it was very difficult at the beginning, it all worked out very well. We made friends through a mom's group I found online, and through the preschool my daughter attended.


I don't know about family time - my husband ended up spending as many hours job-hunting as he did at work. But I totally agree with telling everyone about the job hunt - you never know who will have a connection.


Reply June 22, 2008 at 03:26 PM Lawyer Mama said...


Oh, babe. I'm so sorry. What a crappy time for this to happen. (Not that there's ever a *good* time.)






I'm so glad you have so many contacts. The DC area is such a great place to job hunt. Your husband isn't by any chance a techie, is he? My husband's company is ALWAYS looking for great people.

That Dirty Degree

Cross-posted and archived from DC Metro Moms. Original post date May 21, 2008.

A while back I wrote a post for a blog exchange based around songs that meant something to you. I picked Still Dirrty by Christina Aguilera. Why? Because I am. As I mention in the post, despite passing a child through my "special" place I still feel sexy. OK, I admit, not every day and it is certainly harder right now as I find myself in the throes of pregnancy and being caught between my old clothes and maternity wear, but I do. Most days I feel damn sexy.


There are a host of books, websites and even social networking groups about how to be a 'Hot Mom' and redefine yourself after motherhood. Why do you think all those makeover shows thrive? Most of them are Moms needing a lift. I admit, it is hard not to lose yourself in the mire of motherhood. It is easier to just put on sweatpants each day, throw your hair up and not wear make up. It is. It is also easier to not ask for time for yourself to chat up a friend, read a book, get your hair cut or even go out with your significant other. It is easier not to think of any of this and just keep plugging along whether you are working outside the home or in it.

Except when we take the time to head to the gym, take a walk, do our hair or apply a coat of nail polish we not only look better we feel it too. We all know it and we all need it. We need that time for ourselves so that we can give back to our families. That old adage is true. If Momma ain't happy, then nobody is happy. When I lose myself for a while and find each day of the week has become a ponytail day or that my yoga pants seem to be getting more wear than a cute skirt or dress I have to take step back and grab some time for myself. When my friends laugh at my exfoliation schedule (Wednesdays and Saturdays) I just smile because I know that by doing that and shaving on a regular basis I not only look put together but my mind is happy and I'm confident too.

None of this is news to you. You all know it to be true. You've heard it a thousands times as you sat on your couch watching carpool lady getting her makeover by Stacey and Clinton. We need to take care ourselves and put ourselves first sometimes in order to feel our best and brightest. When we do, we find ourselves again and remember what it is like to feel sexy again. When you feel sexy, well you get the idea. To me, shaving my legs on a regular basis, doing my hair, wearing make up and dressing nicely are all part of keeping myself and my family together. I don't see it as taking time away from them but as a way to give back to them more fully. So whatever I need to do to feel that way and get myself into that frame of mind, I do. If it means wearing a g-string everyday instead of regular old panties so be it. If it means keeping myself in highlights and getting my eyebrows waxed and making sure I get regular exercise my family is on board too. Because doing all this makes me realize that motherhood or not, I've still got the nasty in me, still got that dirty degree. I'm still sexy.



Comments






Jessica @ A Bushel and a Peck said...


Amen and Hallelujah. I forget (a lot lately) how much I need to do those things for myself, but its absolutely true. It makes me a happier, more confident me, and that makes me a better mom and wife. Thanks for the reminder...time to make an appointment at the salon!

The Avon Walk- A Restoration of Hope

Cross-posted and archived from DC Metro Moms.  Original post date May 8, 2008.  It's walk weekend again so I'm posting this.

In some ways I am still reeling from completing the Avon Walk for Breast Cancer this past weekend. Maybe it is due to the surprise visit I had from a dear old friend or simply the fact that my sleeping bag is still airing out on my deck. However I may be feeling, it was worth it! Every blister, every painful step, even the rest stops that lacked water and Gatorade it was worth it and not just because it was the first year I did not have to lie in a puddle soaked sleeping bag all night.


It was my fourth year completing the walk and the second that my aunt is cancer-free. Each year it seems the list of who I walk for just gets longer and I remind myself that this is the reason I walk so that the list will not just get shorter but maybe cease to even exist one day.

This year the walk felt different and not just because I am pregnant and a bit slower. This year the walk seemed to truly bubble over with a sense of hope and strong purpose. The energy in the crowd was high all through the weekend and we were 3,800 walkers strong! Friends and family from all over came out to cheer us on. Random acts of kindness were abundant as tired walkers climbed the hills of the District's hot sun on both days. There were donuts passed out, bottles of water left on front steps by helpful strangers and kids all over the city not only cheered on complete strangers but set up free lemonade stands along the route. It never failed to bring a tear to my eye.

We often complain to one another that the world is a hard place and we are a cynical lot. Some people state that they would not want to raise children in a world this cold. I think I can safely say that after this weekend it only takes walking through the neighborhoods our great city to see that happy families, good neighborhoods and caring souls do still walk our streets and they are teaching their children to do the unto others as they themselves wish to be treated. I felt all this in abundance this year and at almost every corner.

When I crossed that finish line on Sunday, ending my 26.2 mile journey, I felt propelled by the goodwill, cheering crowds and immense feeling of love and support from fellow walkers, friends, family and perfect strangers. That is what got me through the walk this year, it wasn't just my own blind determination. The sense of hope I felt that we will lick this dreadful disease was stronger for me this year than in years past. I felt elated and very emotional and I don't think it was just my hormones talking. It was all of you and all the kindness you have shown throughout this year. For that, I am thankful. You have restored my sense of hope.


Comments


whymommy said...


Victoria, I wish I'd known you were walking! I was there cheering the crowds on Saturday and Sunday -- I hope I hollered loud enough for you to hear me. Even though we're technically strangers, I'm so proud of you for doing this....

Letting My Domestic Diva Out

Cross-posted and archived from DC Metro Moms.  Original post date April 23, 2008.

The birds are chirping. The windows are open and the pollen is making its way inside my own home. What's that you say? It is time for what? Oh right. The inevitable urge I get this time each year to go all crazy lady on my house and my yard. Everything must be new! Everything must be organized! Everything must be clean, fresh and tidy! Skedaddle you dust bunnies! Be gone weeds or is that weed be gone?


This year I am a bit behind. The prolonged, never-ending feeling of sickness has been pervasive in my house since I creeped into my seventh week of pregnancy. Now almost at the end of the first trimester it still drags me down into its afternoon nap time abyss. The act of unloading or loading the dishwasher makes me ralph into the kitchen sink. I know. I wouldn't visit my house for dinner anytime soon either.

Yet with the new addition of a deck in our back yard recently I felt compelled to not just keep the lawn mowed but to plant new flowers and embrace Spring to its fullest. Despite finding the smell of potting soil most vile indeed. I want to rip open every closet in my house and tear it a new one. Or ahem, organize it and bring out the seasonal clothes at least. See, when it comes to spring cleaning the most anal-retentive part of me comes out. I'm like combination of Rosie from the Jetsons crossed with Bree Van de Kamp on smack.

Suddenly, I notice that my baseboards are covered in a dirty coating of dust. Each light bulb and light fixture must be polished and the need to steam clean my carpets and hand scrub my wood floors becomes all consuming. I almost feel I cannot leave my house. My neighbors say I must be nesting early but I know better. My dirty little secret is that I am a total clean freak. When everything isn't in its place my attitude, creativity and drive goes right down the baking soda cleaned toilet. When I try to suppress this closeted Domestic Diva I find myself becoming irritable, listless and yes, a tad bit bored. My need for clean spaces is currently over-riding even my most queasy moments and I find myself on hands and knees wiping my walls. It isn't all fun and games though. The other day I managed to vacuum up not just the drapes but my hair and my jeans all in a ten-minute span. It was a less than diva moment to be sure.

What is the point of all this besides airing my sad little secret? It's that in coming in clean (No pun intended. OK, maybe a little bit intended.) I am able to rest easy. It is out there for the world to see and in that way I can let it go and feel that a maybe, just maybe, a little slacking on the baseboards and dirt in the corners is not as bad as I make it out to be. If you see a sign on my front door saying, "Quarantined" you'll know I went a bit too far.



Comments






Linda said...


Oh, I don't know. My house is a total mess, but I have times of the year--usually when the seasons change--that i freak about stuff as well. Baseboards, yes. Weeds, yes. Hall closet, yes. Rusty crap on the deck from the winter, yes. It may be nesting it may just be natural. There's a reason it's called spring cleaning. I remember my neighbor hanging out of her window one time to clean the outside. She hadn't noticed all the winterized dirt on there. Of course, then I noticed mine too. Must clean windows! Good luck.

New Obsessions

Cross-posted from DC Metro Moms.  Original post date April 10, 2008.

I used to obsess about handbags and cute sandals. Really. Just weeks ago. Accessories and nail polishes were like air to me. These days all my creative juices seem sapped by a guppy-sized being inhabiting my lower regions. My desires for cute butt jeans and wedge heels have transferred to working myself into a lather over just the idea of a Pizza Hut pan pizza only for me.


When I sit down to work all I can think of is how brownies repulse me and the idea of a nachos bell grande seems like pure bliss. My house never feels clean and I want to change my sheets daily. I yearn to plant acres of flowers and all ideas of baking, my old hobby, have been put aside.

I am not pregnant. It seems in fact, that I have had a lobotomy. People say this about mothers all the time. "Oh she had that baby and now she never goes anywhere without it. She is all about the baby all the time and can talk nothing but bottles and binkys." In some cases this is true. I have met these women. I have friends who have gone over to this side and I've yet to see them in something other than what can only be called "Mom Jeans." For me this first trimester has been one of intense mind and body numbing sickness and exhaustion. T.D. has clocked more TV time than a Nielsen family. I am never alone. The guppy is always with me reminding me that the tuna sandwich I wanted to maim someone for at lunch time is now a less than stellar idea. Chocolate cake and cookies makes me gag. My mind works in only one way. Sick today? Not sick today. Sick this moment? Oh wait- sick RIGHT NOW!

I obsess over food, drooling over pumpernickel brain and take as much care slathering on melted butter as I once did with writing up reviews or articles about living green. My need to ingest massive amounts of Newsweek and NPR has tapered. It's like I'm slightly dead or frozen inside.

Where have I gone? How does a guppy already hold so much sway? They say parenting changes you but really it is not until moments like this that we see how much.

I want my old brain back and my personal pan pizza.

I love you, I hate you. I can't quit you, but I must

Cross-posted and archived from DC Metro Moms.  Original post date January 12, 2008.  They say the average smoker quits nine times before they are seriously done. 

Like everyone else I adamantly proclaim each year that I do not make new year's resolutions. No way. Not me. Never. Even this year as the clock struck twelve I denied making any. Except I lie. I have a secret. I made a resolution. I am a cliche. Call it a pact, if you will, with my spouse. We have decided to quit smoking.


It is one thing to quit smoking because smokers are now deemed social pariahs. Yes, we do know it is quite unhealthy. Deadly I hear. Smoking kills more women than it does men. I know this fact as well. I also know that is incredibly hard to be a runner and smoke. Trust me on that one. For all my gym time and morning jogs I'm sure more than one neighbor has seen me hack up a lung in the bushes on an otherwise pleasant Saturday morning. Smoking is costly too. The amount of money you save when you stop buying even generic cigarettes could take you on a vacation. For some that might be the only incentive they need to quit the sticks.

For me, it is not that easy. I have seen family members die from lung cancer. I have watched them suck oxygen and extract deathbed promises from me to quit smoking. I quit for a year or two, one time it was even four years, only to find myself yearning for that blue haze that only a cigarette can produce. I no longer feel cool when I smoke. I know it only ages me that much faster. It stains my fingers and makes me smell undesirable. The crows feet around my eyes are deeper and my skin does not look as good as it does when I'm not smoking.

When I quit smoking at 26, I thought it was for good. I realized I had been smoking ten years and that seemed far too long. I wasn't a kid anymore I told myself. I must kick this filthy habit. Living in California made quitting a bit easier as well. I think smoking is akin to murdering puppies on the street there. Then I had my daughter and a nasty spell of post-partum depression settled in. What was the first thing I did? I lit up of course. I just went right out there and bought a pack of cigarettes after being clean for four years. They say that women smoke or relapse due to negative emotions and stress. If that isn't post-partum depression in a nutshell I don't know what is. Smoking became my break from motherhood, work and the all encompassing responsibility that parenthood brings on. It was my release yet it shackled me real quick. I would say, "It's just recreational, man. I don't do it all the time." Except, that I did. I smoked more often than I realized and became cranky when I didn't get my regularly timed fix (nap time anyone?!).

I wanted to give it up so many times but it always reeled me back in. I wanted to quit for my health, my future, my child and for vanities sake. I felt like a leper as I smoked on my back deck and the winter winds blew around. I kept my habit a secret from my friends and neighbors which just shows how addicted I really was. Am. Really am. Always will be too. Despite knowing all that I know about how terrible smoking really is, it is more than a habit. It is a toxic love affair that I have a hard time breaking up with. I love you, you filtered little bastards. I do. I love everything about you except that you will kill me. So now I must hate you so I can quit you and be free.

Eight days and counting people. Eight days and counting. Thank the high heavens that it is hard to get to the movies and television is awful right now because the amount of smoking on both of those mediums these days is maddening!




Comments

Jean said...


Sister, I don't think you know how not alone you are. Hang in there. You can do it!


Reply January 12, 2008 at 02:39 PM LawyerMama said...


Good for you!


Reply January 12, 2008 at 04:20 PM tanyetta said...


I hope you are able to quit this time for good. I really loved this post. Your honesty bounces off the page. Good for you! 8 days! woo hoo!!!!!! ;)


Reply January 12, 2008 at 05:15 PM Mark Tracey said...


I have been diagnosed with Lung Cancer. Bang on 100% as my own stupid fault for using the killsticks. Don't. I am 40 and may DIE. http://mysenseoftumour.blogspot.com/


Reply January 13, 2008 at 07:22 AM Linda said...


Good for you! One day at a time. Sometimes I think each of us must have our vice. Mine is wine. I eat right, work out and behave myself, but oh, when it comes to wine....it is so hard to say no to something you love. Perhaps we should pick new bad habits, like chocolate!


Reply January 13, 2008 at 10:19 AM Daisy said...


Good for you! I hope you have emotional support from friends or your husband. That can help with the worst of the down times. Good luck...lots of it!


Reply January 13, 2008 at 01:35 PM porka said...


After being smokeless for a year (I was on and off on yearly basis), I relapsed three weeks ago. I met a future boss who happened to be a nightmare personality. I couldn't endure the stress and got myself a pack and another and another... Three weeks of relapse gave me chest pain and fear of illness. I don't know what to do. I wake up and go to sleep every night hoping that I would quit again and see the smokeless sunrise. I do want to quit very badly, but can't seem to do it. Lost the will power. Just thinking about having that boss rule over me for the next 7+ years calls for more smoking. Any advice on this relapse situation?


And good luck on your quitting! It must work.


Reply January 13, 2008 at 07:17 PM Jamie said...


I started smoking when I was twelve, and quit for the last time at 26. I'll be 38 this year, and I know exactly how you feel about the desire. I don't think it will ever go away. I have no advice. When it became apparent that smoking was causing Robin's allergy induced asthma to flare, I quit (I didn't smoke around her, but just the residues on me and my clothes were enough to irritate her allergies).


Both times that I quit (I quit for about a year in the middle), I quit cold turkey. The hardest part was not smoking while driving...once I accustomed myself to not smoking in the car, the rest was easy.


Reply January 14, 2008 at 07:54 AM holli said...


I FINALLY quit this past year. I gave Nicorette another chance and the new coated fruit chill (it tastes like chicklets) is nothing like the nasty old stuff that used to stick to your teeth and burn your mouth. I've started to prefer it by far to smoking - I was really happy when I was able to chain smoke my way across the US when we moved. The only problem is now I've trashed my teeth by pulling out all my fillings... still, I haven't touched a clove cigarette (way worse than regular smokes) in so long I can't even remember.

Good luck, I know how much it sucks.

Trying Not to Enjoy the Silence

Cross-posted and archived from DC Metro Moms.  Original post date January 24, 2008.

Maybe it is the January blues and I'm simply suffering from SAD. Maybe it is the fact that I have hit that glorious year mark of being a work at home mom. A WAHM who is trying to break into the freelance writing world and I look back and think, "WTF?! Have I done anything of note? What the hell do I have to do around here to get a freakin' job already."


When you spend hours of your day searching for work and writing up queries that you know you have no knack for you start to get a little edgy. Then the edginess wears off and you begin to feel downright pathetic and sad. That would be right now. Over here in the corner. Yup. That is me alright. The woman wearing gray and not wanting to comb her hair. This lack of work is making me depressed. I dress my daughter in the bright colors to at least make the effort that, "See, I just like black and gray but my whole family doesn't." Last week the year mark seemed a triumphant moment. I was elated that we had survived. I hadn't gone off the deep end. We financially got by and life was good. Then I felt like a flood overtook me and some fog rolled in and all those feelings just washed away.

I've begun to doubt myself and feel mean. I am an optimist at heart. An idealist to the core. I believe in finding the good in even the tiny details, but lately? Eh. Not so much. Lately, I have let my fears of failure lock me down as a writer and become scared. I feel my sense of worth eroding because I don't have a benefits card with my name on it or a W-2 form to fill out. I am measuring myself by a pay check and while I know it is not right, it is hard to combat that in a society such as ours. When I compare myself to other bloggers and the opportunities they seem to have it does nothing for me but drag me down. Which I know is not right.

In the last few weeks I felt that dark cave beckoning me to come in. To sit for a bit, lay down even and hibernate. To enjoy the silence that pessimism and pity offer. Each day I find it harder to buck up and look for work. To devote time to my book and feel like what I'm doing is actually amounting to anything. Can I say quite frankly that this really sucks? Reality bites and it bites hard right now. The doubt is making me question my decision to stay home and raise our child which I never thought I would. I guess I thought I was above that, but I realize now that I'm not. The fear of failure I had about becoming a writer and breaking out of the corporate mold has warped into a different fear all together. The line, "Who am I kidding, what if I just suck?" plays in my head a lot these days and I don't know how to fix it.

I know that in the tiny room in the back of my brain that houses that little annoying inner cheerleader we all have (just me? I blame my Mom then) there is hope. Work will come. Things will turn around. They always do. Turning down that badly paid blogging job was actually a good idea. Right now though? I'm wallowing and just trying to keep my head up above the waves of failure that keep crashing down on me.


Comments






Kimberly said...


I can totally relate, V. Sometimes I feel so lost that I do just allow myself time to hibernate. So far, I've always been able to pull myself out of my funk(s) and get happy again - at least somewhat so.

I used to have the mother's voice cheering positive thinking into my head...but I stomped her ;-)


Reply January 24, 2008 at 03:12 PM holli said...


I swear I think it's something in the air here.. I've been in a funk since we moved to this area. It better change with the weather.


Hugs to you.


Reply January 24, 2008 at 03:40 PM WhyMommy said...


It's just a phase. It's just a phase. It WILL get better, friend. Look out the window -- there is beautiful snow dotting the valleys and the odd sidewalk. Take a walk -- see if you can find a bird to watch, or if the fresh air does actually do you good. (Does it? If so, then my mom was right about that too.) Keep talking about it, and hopefully that will help.

Writing is good. I'm glad you're writing, and I want to hear how things change for you....


Reply January 24, 2008 at 04:44 PM Kim/Hormone-colored Days said...


Vicky- pick up a copy of Anne Lamott's (Sp?) Bird by Bird. She is a fabulous writer and lays out all her fears and self-doubts-very similar to what you're saying- on the page. It will be very reassuring. And keep in mind that perseverance is half the game--maybe more.


Kim


Chicago Moms Blog


Reply January 25, 2008 at 06:40 AM nynancy said...


Your post really hit me. Did I write it and just not realize? It certainly could have been me. I feel you. (dating myself, there, I know.) I'm almost at the one-year mark myself, but instead of writing, I've been filling my time with Parents Association stuff, not writing at all, and getting more and more bummed out. I'm tempted to take that soul-crushing paid work just to feel like I'm doing SOMETHING.


I think you are amazingly courageous to write this, and I thank you. Because I think that acknowledging it is great, but realizing you're not (I'm not) the only one feeling this way is even better.


Thanks. And now some advice: wallow a little. Perseverance is all well and good, but sometimes a bit of self-indulgent self-pity works too! Then you can force yourself to keep on writing and keep on going. You've already shown you've got what it takes: to write the truth, and write it with courage.


Reply January 25, 2008 at 07:05 AM Vicky said...


Wow guys is all I can say. Thank you. Thank you so much for all the good and kind words. It has helped a lot to know that I am not alone and not ridiculous for feeling this way.

I've kept up my excercising this week and I've been trying to not let myself get so down. Things may be looking up but it is a moment by moment thing right now. Maybe it is also hormones? I don't know. but I thank you all for your thoughts and words. It is helping.


Reply January 25, 2008 at 09:17 AM Alexa said...


Vicky,


I’ll say the same to you that I said to Stephanie. I am so very proud of you. It's a odd sort of community of folks who share openly their depression - on days they can muster up the courage. And, look at how many have here! I can't do it everyday (and find it's a lot harder on days I might go for a visit to my "psych" as I call my psychologist b/c it's all churned up) and I'm a whole lot more confident online, but you too will make a difference. You'll help put words into what someone is feeling - because it can be such a dark, mind-numbing, expression-stealing state.


Honesty deserves honesty, so I feel like I should return the sentiment to you and Stephanie by giving you the link to read about me. Do so if you want but you’ll see how much like you all I am: http://www.alexacorcoran.com/openingup-020706.htm

I so understand what you meant about dressing others in color but you being in gray. I not only went to wearing black and gray but I literally disappeared. I took no pictures of myself. I looked in no mirrors. I was nobody. I had no interest in my own reflection because it was empty, but also a little bit I'm sure because it would so pain me to see the girl in that reflection. There was that teeny, tiny smothered voice that MIGHT have said, "Alexa, this is not who you are." Incidentally, that's what my family said when they got me to finally seek treatment. You've convinced yourself that you are the nobody that exists depressed, not the real you with a bout of depression.


So, I'll again pass it on if you'll pass it on: You've done what many others cannot and will not do. And, in doing so, you will change the lives of others.

You should know that your head is a little higher above the waves today even if it doesn't feel that way. I'm very very proud of you.


Alexa


p.s. When I knew this article was coming out, I stayed in my jammies in my bed and hid thinking, “Oh, my gosh. The whole world is seeing my secrets today.” And, I waited. And response after response was so positive that I got up, got dressed and held my head a little higher. It’s amazing what the difference is between what we THINK people will say and what they will say. The number one thing I heard was, “Oh, my so-and-so is depressed and” – so matter of fact but so hidden! It made me crazy to think how alone I felt when everybody around me could have helped.

The Parents Have Left the Building

Cross-posted and archived from DC Metro Moms.  Original post date December 28, 2007.  I find this post fascinating now about three years later. My family is closer geographically and things aren't like this so much anymore. 

It is inevitable that the holidays bring not only massive doses of overindulging of food, gifts, food and ah yes, family time. Don't get me wrong, I love it. I really do. I love having all the family over to our house for the holidays. They get to see the tot open up gift after gift and I even love the winding up to the holiday/family time. What I don't love is the unsolicited advice.


I know it is well-meaning. I know it is meant to be helpful too. I also know that it will grate my nerves and that I must brace myself for it with each visit. I know that I will be astounded that after all this time there is still so much of it too.

What am I talking about? The advice of mothers of course. This year I learned that -

I should be washing my dryers lint tray in the dishwasher because clearly picking the lint out by hand is not sufficient. Funny that. I don't recall my mother ever washing the dryer tray at our house when I was growing up.

Oh! I also should remember to clear all beaded necklaces (given by said mother to grand-daughter) from the house because they are both a.) choking hazards and b.) strangulation devices. Silly me!

My kitchen is never clean enough. How could I forget to clean the hood of my stove? Or not clean it enough? Why does my oven smell like that by the way?

Did I know that there is sticky substance on my pantry floor? What caused it? Will I be cleaning that sticky goo now or do I intend to let lint (possibly from the dryer) coat it and make it harder to clean in the long run?

Do I always allow my child to scream like that and drink that much juice and eat that many cookies? Uh no. Grandpa gave them to her and so did you grandma!

Shouldn't the gingerbread house (also given by my mother and created by her with above mentioned grand-daughter) be placed somewhere high up so my child won't choke on the haphazardly placed jellybeans and gumdrops that are glopped on with zeal and cement like royal icing?

My mother is well-meaning. She means well so much that if she dares speak ill of anyone despite them not even being in a five-mile radius she will speak of them in a whisper. Maybe then it doesn't count? I know that years from now when she is gone I will miss these tidbits of helpful advice and nuances of her personality. I will. Just for now I wish that I did things more to her liking. I try so hard and it just never seems to be enough. I fight the urge to not lash out with a smart remark that in my childhood would have been rewarded with a smack on the mouth or being sent to my room with no TV for a week. She means well. She really does but does it have to be so much?

My parents left my house today for their long car ride home. I miss them already but I do not miss the unsolicited advice that never fails to make me feel not like the confident woman they raised, but instead like a child. Forever a child in their eyes and one that seems to need so much work. The holidays are over and I can finally relax.



Comments






oneincollegetwoinmiddleschool said...


Everytime I drop my mom off at the airport or see her off for the drive home, I always sing Handel's Hallelujah Chorus. I can't help it.


Reply December 31, 2007 at 08:14 PM Los Altos Mom said...


Wow! I thought it was just my mom. Every time we visit my parents, I get so much advice I can't take it. I know she means well. But after 20 years of living on my own, I know that I should: drive carefully, make sure the children brush their teeth, avoid transfats, and on and on and on. Sometimes it's not even verbal. My mother believes I should lose weight (OK, she's right, but it's my waistline, right???). When she brings out the dessert after dinner, she offers cake to my father, husband, and kids, but doesn't even offer any to me. She just makes the decision for me that I shouldn't have dessert. Drives me crazy.

Giving It Up For Holiday Sanity

Cross-posted and archived from DC Metro Moms.  Original post date December 11, 2007.

Each year I make a promise to myself and to my family that I won't over do it. I won't over book us in holiday get togethers, parties and more. There will be more peaceful moments at home and enjoying each others company and less harried messes, traffic and season excesses. Each year I fail. I fail miserably. Last year I failed so badly it resulted in a teary exodus by my parents and them claiming they never wanted to stay at our house again. If that is not failure right there I don't know what is. It's also a damn fine wake up call.


This year the invitations rolled in and faster than I could imagine we were booked from just before Halloween through to the new year. Before the holiday season was even fully upon us one look at our calendar had us all stressing out. I knew then that I needed to do something. So instead of going to the Corcoran Gallery this weekend with my friends to see that amazing Annie Leibovitz exhibit I bowed out. I gave it up. I gave up that afternoon of freedom with the girls to reduce the frenzy. I'm giving up Girls Night this week too. It's just one more event that adds to the crazy. I've said no to any and all new invitations that have come our way since Thanksgiving. It wasn't as hard as I thought it would be. OK, missing out on the White House tour was a bit difficult to drop but we did it. I've grouped as much family time together as I can too, well as much as I can without food fights and plain ol' family feuds.

The holidays are a time when we naturally find ourselves reflecting on the past year. We remember the good times with friends and family and how much we have to be grateful for. When I started looking back on this past year I wasn't too thrilled with what I could recall. The fights with my mother over how to clean a pan properly had more to do with being overworked and overcrowded than anything else. The screaming match at 5 a.m. with my spouse regarding an overtired baby? Too many nights out with the kid in tow as we went from house to house and party to party. The late night talks with my Dad about how everything seemed to be falling apart in our lives was not how envisioned my last few days of 2006. I wanted to so much more than that and in trying to wring out every ounce of fun and holiday goodness all I accomplished was running myself and my family ragged.

To everyone's delight this year we have stuck to our guns. We have only attended one holiday party. Our times with family have truly been relaxing thus far and I'm not running around barking orders and crying in the bathroom as I sneak yet another glass of wine. I don't need to. In giving up much of what the holidays entail I've dropped the Grinch act that I sometimes put on and have come to realize that my heart has grown three sizes bigger by sitting back and letting the season just happen. I'm even excited about visiting Santa rather than just checking it off the list. No longer orchestrating every move and carting us off to a string of events has been the best thing I could have done! Sure it's a little less exciting but I'm also not quietly seething while I bake three dozen sugar cookies that no one wants to eat anyway.

I feel like I'm on to something here and that I'm no longer participating in what seemed to be an endless waltz that I desperately wanted to bow out of. So how about it? Who is game? What can you give up this year to make the season actually brighter? Because quite frankly I wasn't even having fun complaining about the holidays anymore either.



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Posted by Victoria Mason on December 11, 2007 at 05:00 AM in Victoria
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Jessica @ A Bushel and a Peck said...


I agree--I made a rule that we had to keep one weekend day open for all of December. No more double- and triple-booking for parties and get togethers. And this holiday season has been SO much more fun and relaxing. I will NEVER again be the crazy lady with 25 parties to attend in November and December, stressed out and stressing out my family in the process. Relaxed holidays are my new favorite thing.


Reply December 11, 2007 at 06:28 AM Tamara said...


I think you are doing a great thing. I know people who feel an obligation to say yes to every invite and they are always so frazzled (and their kids are always so cranky!) It is all over the place now about not overscheduling our children, but who are their best teachers? We are! So good job teaching your kids what is really most important.

Cats are the New Elves

Cross-posted and archived from DC Metro Moms.  Original post date December 5, 2007.

Despite the blustery winds and newly cold weather we decided last night would be the night to get our Christmas tree. Weez wicked smaht in our house I tell ya! Wicked smaht. We bundled ourselves all up to fight the cold and our daughter suffered her first bout of starfish syndrome. You know the starfish syndrome. It's when you get all bundled up as a kid and you suddenly find your arms and legs stiffly sticking out, your head in it's hat is the point of the star and you are in effect a starfish, unable to move your limbs. Her little eyes looked out at us as we laughed ourselves silly at her plight.


When we got to the nursery where we purchase our tree each year I saw something dart across my path but paid it no mind. It was windy after all, it was probably just some trash blowing around the parking lot. A few minutes later I found my daughter bending down to look under a table of plants and meowing. Hm... She only does that when she sees a cat. I didn't see a cat though just some freezing in the breeze pansies. We pressed onward deeper into the tree lot looking for that perfect Frasier Fir. Out of nowhere a large (OK downright tubby) tabby cat came out from under a tree. Suddenly, I became aware of the fact that throughout the tree lot there were many little eyes looking out from under trees. Cats. They surrounded us. What was going on here?

Each time I looked around a corner to view another 6-7 ft Christmas tree I saw another cat. It was downright eerie. Where were all these cats coming from? Is this nursery secretly run by cats? Were the workers actually cat people in disguise? If I pick the wrong tree will the cats come out and get me? Will I ever be seen or heard from again? Quick! Get the kid and run to the car! All these crazy thoughts began to run through my mind as I encountered orange cats, tigers, fluffy angoras and a few more rather mangy ones.

Then, my husband proclaimed he had found our tree. Did a cat lead him to it, I asked. Maybe that is the point? The cats are your guide in the tree lot. What an interesting concept. He told me to go pick out our free poinsettia in the greenhouse and we would be done. I scooped up our starfish-child and headed for warmer climes. As we entered the greenhouse I noticed Santa's sleigh in the corner. The big guy wasn't there though. When I approached the sleigh I realized we were not alone. Inside the sleigh was a rather large orange cat taking a nap. I got the distinct feeling we were interrupting something here. I guess when the big guy is off-duty the cats keep his seat warm and guard the sleigh? I quickly picked out a plant and made my way to the register. That's when it hit me. Cats are the new elves.



Comments

Erin said...


Love this story, and the picture is hilarious. Great blog.

The December 1st Countdown

Cross-posted and archived from DC Metro Moms. Original post date November 26, 2007. 

Growing up white candles dotted each window in our home on Thanksgiving day. When guests would leave we would turn them on and it was officially the Christmas season in our house. That weekend we would all head out to the tree farm and pick out the perfect tree. We would spend hours decorating it and putting up more lights outside. Our house quickly converted into a winter wonderland that wouldn't come down until after January 1. I loved every minute of it and it created beautiful memories for me as a child and an adult.


Now an old married woman I realize I have married the Grinch. How I failed to realize this I do not know. Each year the rules get more stringent than the last. First, it was simply that we didn't put up a tree or decorations until December 1st. This remains the number one rule to this day. This rule is unbreakable. Read that. Un-break-able. It is the Christmas season that brings out the dictator in my spouse. When my mother innocently asked him what he might want for Christmas a few weeks back he shouted, "It's not even Thanksgiving! I will NOT discuss this! Speak to me after December 1st." Er. Um. Yes, sir?

Nothing sets him on fire more than Christmas. He willingly admits that he is a complete and total Scrooge. When asked why, he spouts off a list that includes, materialism, hyper-consumerism, and greed. Fine. I can see that but not in our house. Each year I try to make the season bright. I fill it with love, baked goods, family, spiritual and fun holiday activities. I really work at making that tiny black heart beat red. Each year I feel that I fail. He only sees what he wants to see and that isn't what makes the feeling last all year, but the negative media frenzied mess that is played out live on CNN or FOX News each day. He only sees the sale flyer's coming through the door blanketed in red. He grouses about the lights and that no amount of Christmas cheer shall enter our house until after December 1st. We are not even to utter a Christmas wish, bake a thing, or even think Christmas thoughts.

What ends up happening is a total overdrive on my part. I overcompensate and my Christmas fervor goes nuts all the way until December 1st. And all in secret. Then I become Grinch like as well. I get so sick of the attitude from him that I just give in. Sure we decorate a tree but we don't sit and stare at the beauty of it. We just gloss over the whole season letting his decree be a self-fulfilling prophecy. Now that we have a child I want her to feel immersed in the season and the traditions and not be tainted with the negative all consuming parts of it. I choose not to dwell on that commercialized part. This year I decided to cut back considerably. I have barely uttered a peep about the iron-clad law of December 1st and my wish to break it. I simply stated that this coming weekend I would like to get a tree. Maybe if I just quietly set up the season without him, despite how sad that makes me, it will have an effect. He won't notice the wreath on the door or the advent calendar on the fridge. Maybe, just maybe, our tiny toddler will be our own Cindy Loo Who and make our Grinch smile.

Comments







J. Fergie said...


lmao!! ok, your husband and mine must be friends. i generally just ignore him and go about spreading holiday cheer all by myself. now that the kids are old enough to get excited, it's even better. maybe one day our hubbies will get in the spirit. heck -- even the Grinch loved Christmas by the end of the movie ;)


Reply November 26, 2007 at 02:37 PM Vicky said...


It may also be due to the fact that the man has an entirely unatural albeit hilarious fear of Nutcrackers. "Jaws should not drop like that!" He says and cowers.


Reply November 26, 2007 at 03:07 PM Living By Learning said...


I used to love Christmas cheer, but I'm starting to think like the Grinch. There is something unnatural about sleigh bells ringing in October. That said, doesn't your husband know that the law of the land dictates that holiday lights go up Thanksgiving weekend?


Reply November 26, 2007 at 06:55 PM Jean said...


Even though it's more "correct" to say that Thanksgiving is your favorite holiday, Christmas is my favorite. But even I won't put up a tree until mid-December. We do start advent calendars at the beginning of December and I start getting gifts together early too. But the day after Christmas, I'm DONE. My tree comes down the morning of December 26th.


Thankfully, my husband, a little grinchy himself, lets himself get caught up once the kids and I get excited.

The Yoke of Guilt - Part Deux

Cross-posted and archived from DC Metro Moms.  Original post date March 18, 2008.

Last year when I was new to the whole work at home Mom thing I wrote a post about the guilt I feel and lay on myself. It wasn't so much that I had guilt over not enough time with my child or family it was the day in and day out beating I gave to just me over staying home and continuing to work. I couldn't find the balance. I wrote-


What it all really boils down to is that inherently in me I've always had issues with being at home. Now that I'm here in the daily mire of it and yes, the joys of it, I'm conflicted. I just can't seem to hand myself over to that domestic mommy. I can't and won't give up trying to write, no one wants me to, but I can't seem to find a balance that sits well with me. I can't seem to cut that yoke of guilt that builds and builds it's weight on me until I practically collapse or have a series of breakdowns and fights with H (my husband).

Looking back now I realize that while I have gotten better, the guilt is still there. I feel guilty for having the privilege to stay home while others do not but may want to. I feel guilty that I don't bring in the same money that I used to and that has altered our life somewhat. I wonder if while pursuing my dream I am also being incredibly selfish. Then I think, screw it! It is my life and we made this decision as a family because if we didn't we were heading towards the big 'D'. Divorce.

The constant stress of my job, my need to break out and try writing, our business and my husband's 9-5 job had us pulled at all angles. Every point was a breaking point and if we had been given six more months of living like that I think we would have both been paying lawyer fees right about now. Our family was suffering tremendously and something had to give. The guilt I was feeling then was all consuming. It was the guilt of never having the time, patience or even desire to really be with my child. She was just another chore. It pains me to even type that but at the time she felt like a box to check on the giant checklist of day to day life. The guilt I had living and growing inside me then was dark and twisted. It ate away at me.

While guilt no longer eats away at me and I have found more of a balance in my work and home life I still allow myself to let that yoke fall down on me from time to time. I blame it on society for telling me to be all I can be and always want more, that what I have is never enough. Isn't that the best way to absolve yourself from guilt? Blame it on others? Well, there you go. In all seriousness, they only way I have found to absolve myself from this guilt is when I discuss it all with my husband and by blogging. Once it is out there like that I am free. In that way and so many others I am thankful that we have stayed together as a family and worked through everything. I'm thankful everyday for the opportunity to blog. The community out there in the blogosphere has done wonders in dealing with my guilt for the sheer fact that I know I am not alone.



Comments


Linda said...


I am right there with you. I worked from home on various contract jobs up until last July when I stopped bringing home a paycheck and started blogging/writing my book. It's been a nice balance for me since I no longer 'work for the man' but instead write when I'm inspired. My kids get my time and I get my projects. My husband knows how much I need this writing time so I get mother's helpers to play with my kids while I write. I, too, will never be the creative mom who gets down on floor every minute of the day to play blocks, Legos and house. I share most of my time with my kids, but need my own interests and outlets as well. I have gotten over the guilt now after 4 years.


Reply March 18, 2008 at 10:23 AM Lawyer Mama said...


This is part of my problem too. Working full time is just so exhausting that there isn't much left at times.

Tell Me We Are Smarter Than This

Cross-posted and archived from DC Metro Moms. Original post from October 31, 2007.  Article referenced no longer available.  It was regarding parents who let their children eat all their Hallloween loot in one sitting. 

I read articles like this one from Reuters and I think who is the audience for this type of piece? Morons? I mean really! Moderate sugar intake on Halloween? Wowie Kazowie I would have never thought o f that! Gee, thanks doctor of the moment! Thank you for that enlightening piece of information. Before your insightful words Mr. MD I was just going to give my two year old all the candy in one sitting. She could just plop herself down on the floor in front of whatever horror movie is playing, maybe I’ll let her watch Suspiria. That has ballet in it and it’s German so there’s some culture in it right? She’ll be ok I’m sure. She could then go about the night aimlessly wandering the dark house eating Kit-Kat bars, Mike & Ike’s until she pukes. I will just clean it up later.


Seriously folks who are these types of articles aimed at? The zombie parents from Night of the Living Dead? Who doesn’t know that too much sugar and fat is bad for you? Why is America all or nothing? Why can’t we just be a little bit moderate? Is that what is truly scary about Halloween? The act of using moderation? Tell me please because I think back to my childhood and while my Mom didn’t take the candy from me I wasn’t allowed to eat it all in one night. Nor was I allowed to gorge after school the next day. I picked out what was good and what I wanted and threw the rest away. Then I could eat a bit here and there in the coming week. I had to ask permission too. While I was allowed a bit more candy than normal on that first night moderation was used in the days following Halloween.

Reading articles like this one makes me feel that we are further dumbing ourselves down in this country. Our need for thought processes is being replaced. We adults are continually looking to higher ups for advice that should already be common sense garnered from elementary school educations and our own parents. It makes me angry when I read about how parents need to be told that feeding our kids fast food multiple times a week is bad. That soda or excessive juice in a baby’s bottle will rot their teeth. Really? Why is that surprising to someone? I’m tired of seeing articles such as this one aimed at parents who no longer want to take the time to think things through.

That is the real root of my anger. The lack of thinking and parental control that some of us are just too tired to enforce has us being reminded by doctors not to let our kids eat a pound or three of candy in one sitting. We need to think ahead to the other upcoming holidays where sugary treats will abound and remember to not just rein ourselves in but our children as well. While I would love to give out play-doh or yo-yo’s to the kids on my block I don’t think the fifteen year olds trick or treating would receive them very well. I’ve thought about this in advance. One piece of candy per kid will keep egg off my house versus handing out silly putty and spending November 1st scraping egg shells from my front door.


Comments-

Linda said...



A well-written post and so true. Thank you!!!


Reply October 31, 2007 at 03:02 PM Living By Learning said...


Moderation is a bad word in a Super-Size Idiocracy. Thanks for a great post!


Reply November 01, 2007 at 07:00 AM kate sanford said...


I don't really think that anybody is stupid enough to feed their kid all of the candy in one sitting.






On the other hand, there are a lot of underemployed experts, pundits, and columnists sitting around and they have to get paid some way!






Nice post! Welcome to the cranky pants category!


Reply November 01, 2007 at 10:24 PM kate sanford said...


I don't really think that anybody is stupid enough to feed their kid all of the candy in one sitting.

On the other hand, there are a lot of underemployed experts, pundits, and columnists sitting around and they have to get paid some way!


Nice post! Welcome to the cranky pants category!

So is that like, uh a real job?

It is always when I'm about to go to an event with a lot of our friends that I begin to feel the 'I' word. Insecure. I didn't always feel that way. Nope. It only started when I quit my 9-5 job and decided to make a go of this whole writing thing that I felt these pangs of insecurity.




We go to an event and the topic of work comes up. No one asks me about my job anymore. I'm left out of the conversation unless I shoehorn my way in. When I would begin to talk about a particular project I could see the judgment. The "HA! Yeah right! You don't really work anymore, you just stay home." It has been said to me more than once. It has gotten to the point that now I don't even talk about work. Even if I'm really excited about something or something big is coming up I just find something else to talk about. Hell, I'm even traveling twice in one week for work and to me that is scary and exciting as hell but I won't be mentioning it this weekend. Why?



I don't really feel like a working Mom. This is especially the case when I talk about deadlines and people laugh in my face. When I mention how backed up I am and can't fit in another review and people look confused and then scoff. Yes, scoff at me because what I do must not actually be work. I just play with free stuff all day, write about it which probably only takes me five minutes. Never mind trying to write about other things as well. That's not work. I might as well just be surfing the MamaPop site all day.



I can't tell you how angry this makes me. Sometimes violently so. On some days I'm rearing for a fight because freelance work can be a lot like fighting. You are constantly looking for work and pushing for the chance to make a name for yourself and carve your little niche in the writing world. It is exhausting. Like any other working mom I juggle my time and work late. I sometimes need additional help with T.D. and I do get paid for a lot of the work I do. I make my own schedule and work from home so why in this telecommuting day and age is that seen as different and not real work? When I read Risa Green's article on Mommytrack'd this week it was just when those insecure feelings began rearing their ugly little heads. I could hear the scoffing, the snorts, and "yeah rights". Simply because I no longer work in a traditional office setting or because I no longer have benefits through my work I demean myself into thinking that I'm not a working mother despite that very much being the contrary. Maybe it's the lowering of my income that has done it as well but whatever it is I can't let myself spiral down into these thoughts and self-doubts anymore. I can't let the scoffers, naysayers and non-believers make a non-believer out of me.

I am a writer. This is my career. I chose this path which is more than just a j-o-b. I chose to listen to my heart and my gut and follow my dream to be a writer. Just because I'm not working in a newsroom or getting paid as much as I would like to be doesn't mean it is not work and I'm not working it. In order for others to take me seriously I need to start doing that with myself when I present myself to others. When people try to push me aside I can't let them. If it means I have to keep fighting in one way or another then I have to accept that and keep on fighting the good fight.

Original DC Metro Moms post.  Original post October 19, 2007.
 
Comments







Jenny said...


Stand up proud for what you do! As things stand we ought to celebrate you for finding a way to follow your dreams and be a mom. We need more flexibility with work for parents, not less. Many of those who belittle you are jealous - either of your time with your kids or of your opportunity to follow your heart.


Reply October 19, 2007 at 05:53 AM LawyerMama said...


I can imagine that would be so frustrating! Jenny may be on to something with the jealousy. I've had people say things to me like "Oh, I wish I had YOUR hours" in a snarky way because I sometimes take extra time off with my kids during the day. What they don't see is my butt on my laptop working after the kids go to bed. So I feel your pain in a small way. I think it's incredibly cool that you can do what you love and spend more time with your kids. Isn't that what we're all ultimately striving for?


Reply October 19, 2007 at 06:07 AM suburban ecomom said...


I really think insecurities are behind a lot of those reactions. We all have them. I think we all also wonder/question/second guess from time to time whether we are living our lives "right"--no one wants regrets, right?--so hearing about someone pursuing their dreams can set off a flurry of doubt about ourselves and life decisions. Congrats on finding the courage to follow your dreams--that's something that all too many people only dream about doing.


Reply October 19, 2007 at 09:53 AM Linda said...


Yep, so right there with you. But when I hear this stuff from people, as I used to work from home as well, I just smiled when I think about my non-commute to/from work.


Reply October 19, 2007 at 10:12 AM Selfmademom said...


It's silly to put such rigid definitions on things like work, etc. Why do people care how we define what we do? I say, as long as you're happy and it works for you, that is what is most important.

How Much Do You Tell Your Children?

Cross-posted and archived from DC Metro Moms. Original post from May 13, 2008.



Recently, The Washington Post ran a cover story for their Magazine titled, "The Secret Lives of Moms". The mother on the cover was portrayed as a June Cleaver type woman with a bottle of Jack Daniels and handcuffs hanging out of her apron pockets which made me cringe just looking at it. The line beside it began with, "If you have bongs or thongs in your past..." Thongs? What heck is wrong with a thong? Yes, they are uncomfortable but that is why there is the g-string. Are Moms not supposed to wear these?!

But, I digress. The point of this piece is how much do we tell our children about our pasts? Do we lie and cover up our mistakes for fear they will follow in our footsteps? Do we use the brutal honesty approach and hope they learn the same valuable lessons we did? Or do we use a combination of truth and white lie? Really, what will come back from our past and bit us in the butt via our kids?

This is something that my husband and I have discussed on numerous occasions despite our daughter being only two. We want to be prepared when she asks us about drugs, s-e-x, and all those other issues that children naturally have questions about. Overall, we want her to feel comfortable enough to ask us first and not some kid on the playground or other parent.

When I think back to my own childhood my parents had two totally separate approaches. My Dad was all about divulging stories of his past if I asked and then telling me about how sometimes they were not the best choices. I respected him for that and felt that I would know how to handle myself in these situations because of our discussions. My mother on the other hand was all fire and brimstone. If I so much as asked to go to a Vanilla Ice concert with my friends and a chaperone I was in for a lecture on how concerts were places where illicit drugs were abundant, kids were lost and I would be sucked into some dark hole of an abyss possibly never to be heard from again. By the time I made it to my first concert I was in college and the most I saw was some cigarette smoking. The subject of sex was equally as awful and I always thought I was one grope away from being dragged away by some demons into the depths of hell while on the way to my second period history class.

I realize now that the subjects my parents were honest about and didn't fuss over offered up no attraction to me. I knew the stories, the consequences and felt prepared. It was the classic stuff that they outlawed that seemed mysterious and thus held more allure. So you tell me, what do you plan on telling your kids? Half-truths? Total lies? Or something in between?


Comments

Jessica @ A Bushel and a Peck said...


My parents were always pretty honest with me and my sisters, which I think made us realize that A) they were not going to be fooled b/c they had done it all too, and B)they had made mistakes and learned from them and were trying to help us do the same. I think it was a good approach and I plan to do the same thing with my kids. Hopefully they will see where I messed up (or did well) and take it to heart.


Reply May 13, 2008 at 09:19 AM Paulette said...


This one's sort of difficult for me because my mom truly never did anything wrong! The poor woman never even played cards. My dad was incredibly strict, but he had a bit of a past. He shared some of it with us, but I didn't find out a lot of it until I was married with a child of my own.






I'd like to be honest with my little girl (she's two); I don't want her to feel guilty about having the occasional margarita or *gasp* kissing a boy before she's married! I think there's a fine line between sharing and being too open though- there are some things that are just plain inappropriate to share with one's kiddo.


Reply May 13, 2008 at 11:40 AM JessicaAPISS said...


I plan on divulging increasing amounts of info regarding my past experiences as my kids grow older. I am not ashamed per se, just reluctant to tell a 13 year old things that I will have no problem telling a college sophomore.


Reply May 13, 2008 at 04:41 PM feener said...


not sure how honest i will be but i will sure talk to them more than my folks talked to me which was zero bout that stuff.


Reply May 13, 2008 at 06:08 PM Meg said...


I wrote about this, too, today. That story in the Post grabbed hold of me and would not let me go!


http://soupisnotafingerfood.wordpress.com/2008/05/13/mommys-little-secrets/






Reply May 13, 2008 at 06:40 PM dadshouse (David at svmoms) said...


I'm a single dad with a teen daughter, and I was the parent who talked to her about sex. For whatever reasons, her mom wanted no part of the discussion.






My daughter was 11 at the time, and she and I talked candidly about the subject for an hour. I wasn't embarrassed, and neither was she. A day later, she called her aunt with follow up questions.






My daughter knows I date, and met two girlfriends of mine, and saw how I handled both breakups. She's met her mom's boyfriend. Maybe it's easier for dating single parents to relate to kids about these subjects. My daughter sees some of my struggles and knows I don't have all the answers, but she also sees me as a pretty darn good resource.

Top Five Reasons to Get Excited About Fall

Cross-posted and archived from DC Metro Moms.  Original post August 22, 2008.

My husband asked for hot tea the other day. My first reaction was to look at him like he was the 5th horseman of the Apocalypse but instead, I just sort of sniffed the air and agreed. It felt like hot tea time. Yet, here we are in August.

Two days later a friend of mine stated that it was time to wear jeans. She was declaring summer officially over despite it being about 90 degrees outside. My inbox is loaded with back-to-school ads, requests for advice posts about the new school year and the latest fall fashions. There was even that one ominous Halloween craft story request. Already?

It's not that I hate summer. In fact, it is my favorite season of the four. It's just that about this time every year be it the media frenzy that surrounds us about purple being the latest greatest accent color and the intense heat and humidity of a DC August just seems to wear us all down. While we load up on the summer memories and cram in our last moments in beach trips, camping and chasing fireflies we are already looking ahead to fall and it's cool crispness. Our minds our beginning to see the fall foliage and smell the scent of fallen leaves. I for one am anxious to see pumpkins at road side stands and drink hot apple cider while watching my kid go crazy racing a toilet bowl race car around hay bales as my husband tries to find the perfect tiny pumpkin. I've compiled a list of other classic Fall moments I've begun to get excited about as well. They are about as American as apple pie I think.

1. No longer will your DVR make you weep at its empty queue. Now it is suddenly chocked full of mouth-wateringly bad reality TV shows, never before seen CSI episodes, brand spankin' new comedies that you will watch once and realize you still do find comfort in the arms of Charlie Sheen and Jon Cryer (which can only be the only reason that show is always at the top).

2. Back to school! Yes, we moms are excited to have the wee ones out of our hair and our kids are excited about all those glittery Bratz belly t-shirts, hip huggers, backpacks and notebooks they suckered us into buying at our local big box store. What's better than paying for your tiny daughter to look like a fem-bot?

3. Halloween candy on the shelves already with only a scant 70 days to stockpile your loot. Do you have your spiel ready for the moms on the block about how you were going to make your tiny tot the exact replica of Tyrone from the Backyardigans but at the last minute had such a personal family crises (i.e. you don't sew even a stitch or own a sewing machine) you just had to settle for a store bought costume. It just breaks your heart in two doesn't? Sniff... sniff.

4. Recipes for the "perfect" down-home, classically elegant, all done by your blood, sweat and tears Thanksgiving have begun clogging your inbox, mailbox and magazine rack at your local grocery store. Your smile freezes each time your local grocer hands you helpful turkey roasting hints. Why not begin to feel the pressure to make perfect napkin origami are and cornucopia centerpieces months in advance?

5. You just spent the summer organizing your attic. Really, you did. Now it's time to get that holiday stuff out that you just shoved way in the back.

I'm geared up for Fall now, aren't you?

Tired Tank Needs to Retire

It's Fall. Time for pumpkins, brightly colored gourds, bales of hay and hot mugs of cider. Make that cold cider because it is just too hot! Temperatures are supposed to reach 90 today and while I would love to be breaking out a nice sweater and boots I'll be wearing capri's and a tank again. This severely extended Indian Summer has me agitated for a variety of reasons.


First, it throws me off balance. I miss the smell of the fallen leaves, the damp air and the fall rain. I can see the Occoquan river from my deck and it is incredibly low. It breaks my heart. This is not normal and it is distressing. Our water supply is in jeopardy. We need rain. We need cooler weather.

Second and way more trivial, is that my anniversary is in the fall. My husband gave me a nice shopping spree as my gift. A day all to myself. A whole day to shop childless and husband-less. To go wherever I want to buy new fall/winter clothes. Only the very idea of buying sweaters and jeans makes me cringe. When it's blazing hot out I do not want to surf the racks of long sleeve tissue T's. I find myself in the picked over clearance sections looking at sun-dresses. My flops, tanks, and shorts are getting old people! My sweaters, wraps, pants, and turtlenecks beckon to come out of storage. The smell of soft buttery leather should be wafting from my closet not the tired rubber of my flip flops. The handmade scarf from a dear friend made begs to be used, yet I have to shun it in favor of my so done spaghetti strapped tops. If we don't get some cooler weather soon I may wear holes in my Korkease. I should be collecting the leaves for my daughters fall projects in pants not shorts!

The whole thing is so disturbing to me. Lake Manassas is drying up. The leaves are falling anyway despite the high temps. While my wallet and closet may be getting a break which really they should anyway the ground isn't. We need rain. We need normal temperatures and fall weather not just to preserve our front stoop pumpkins longer but to put our lives in order. I find myself worrying about this global warming issue more and more as the sun blazes on and with no solution. The weather being like this makes me feel futile in my fight. Maryland's Homecoming is in a few weeks and I hope I'm at least wearing a long sleeve 'Go Terps' T-shirt at the tailgate and not a another tank top.

Cross-posted and archived from DC Metro Moms.  Original post from October 9, 2007.
 
Jessica said...



Ack, I have been complaining about this for weeks, now. Fortunately the forecast for this weekend finally has high temps in the 60s here in NoVa. Its a step in the right direction!


Reply October 10, 2007 at 05:32 AM Robin said...


This past weekend I got some fall scents candles. It helps a little with the fall feeling in the house, but only a little.....

Losing a Job- Like the Five Stages of Grief

Cross-posted and archived from DC Metro Moms.  Original post date July 25, 2008.

It has been one month since my husband walked through our front door suddenly unemployed. Laid off. One month of us spending time together as a family, having long, quiet talks about everything from the state of our finances, job searching and health insurance quandaries to who we are as a family.


During this past month we have frozen our gym memberships, eliminated contributions to our daughter's college fund and taken away all of life's tiny luxuries that we often take for granted when stockpiling unnecessary items at the grocery store, Target and almost everywhere else. It's been all about less waste and less consumption this past month and we are probably all the better for it. I have however noticed one small thing.

Losing a job is similar to the five stages of grief. Since December my husband knew that lay-offs were occurring in his company. He also knew that he was no longer happy there yet he was right smack in the middle of the land of Denial. He refused to believe that he would be laid off anytime soon. It did not matter how stressed out I became with the possible situation. He was like a petulant toddler. I could not rip the mask of denial from his eyes and make him see that he needed to begin looking for work elsewhere.

As more cutbacks were made and more people eliminated step number two kicked in, Anger. His refusal to see the situation in its true light turned into anger about the situation in general and about having to look for more work. Nothing could make him happy. There would be no standard talks or even pleas to begin finding another job. He claimed he just didn't feel "compelled or motivated enough" to do so. To say that the anger was his and his alone at this point would be an understatement. I was infuriated by this lack of "motivation". It was a bit like trying to get a toddler to do something they really don't want to do, like potty training.

Suddenly, once the iron fist of full unemployment weighed down on him he was on to step three lickety split. Bargaining. Here is where my husband promised that he would no longer work on our real estate investment company's business while doing his next job. It was the quickest of the stages and produced one of my favorite results. Less burnout on his behalf, no longer working two jobs, with me in no way capable of keeping up relieved a lot of stress from our lives. It also reminded me of the tactics my daughter uses just before bedtime. "One more story Mommy? I will go to bed after one more story, I promise..."

This brings us to stage four, Depression. I wish I could say this one was swift as well, but it wasn't. For about one day a week if not more a funk would set in, especially the first week, and my normally happy- go-lucky, talkative spouse would suddenly decide that living in our basement/cave was the best place for him. He would skulk around the house staying up late at night forever staring at job boards on the computer screen becoming almost green from the glow. Growling and grunting became his standard forms of communication followed by long periods of complete silence and staring. As companies began to notice his resume and he garnered interviews the depression lifted and he became a bit more like his old self. If however, he didn't hear anything for a few days post-interview, we were right back into the land of depression.

The final stage, Acceptance is the most gratifying when it comes to job loss. With it has come extreme motivation to find a new job and some actual job offers it seems. While we are not out of the woods yet, health insurance won't kick in until October 1 and my pregnant butt still has to rely on the uber-expensive COBRA plan, we have found that we have not only do we stick together like glue but we have been lucky in this unemployed situation. Oh, and one more thing. That the five stages of grief are also akin to one full day living with a toddler.



Comments






MamaBird/SurelyYouNest said...


I was on COBRA while pregnant too (blechhh). Made me think long and hard about how lucky I was to have health insurance at all. Great post - hang in there, I'm impressed by your sense of humor and taking it all in stride *as a family*.


Reply July 25, 2008 at 11:37 AM Karen Waters said...


My husband was fired from his job of over 15 years two days after Christmas. I was shell-shocked, but it turned out to be the best thing that could have happened to us. He opened his own business and is still running it successfully 8 years later.






I hope your husband's layoff turns out as positive as ours did!






Karen


http://findingme.typepad.com


Reply July 25, 2008 at 11:49 AM Andrea said...


You seem to be handling it very well, even while pregnant, and it sounds like some of the stresses are lifting. You're still in my thoughts.


Reply July 25, 2008 at 12:31 PM Liza said...


Ok, this post reminded me of why I love the Internet, and this community in particular.






Today marks the 2 week anniversary of my being told that I'm getting laid off, effective mid-September. C-section #2 is scheduled for 5 weeks from today, 2 weeks before layoff date.






Thanks for making me feel less alone.


Reply July 25, 2008 at 01:53 PM feener said...


ok, this post scares me b/c my hubby's company has been laying off for almost 2 years. he feels the pressure yet he has not sent one resume out. i have tried coaxing him...i always get 'i will soon' never to happen.


Reply July 25, 2008 at 03:08 PM BananaBlueberry said...


My thoughts and prayers are with you.






If it is any consolation- I know that I could not write such an eloquent and articulate post about my husband being laid off- while being pregnant.






Again, you have always been 'that smart upbeat mom' to me...






I'm thinking about you :)


Reply July 27, 2008 at 06:18 PM Vicky said...


Wow- everyone thank you so much for the continued support and belief in me and my family. It means so much and it makes me well up with emotion.






I guess I don't know how else to be besides trying to be upbeat at this point. I spent the months before the lay off sleepless and stressed over it's possibility and now there is nothing left in that dept. for me to give.

Kid's Parties- Is It Just Keeping Up With the Joneses?

Cross-posted and archived from DC Metro Moms.  Original post from February 27, 2008. 

My daughter turned two this weekend. Yes, I know, it is hard to believe. I can barely wrap my brain around it either. However, you know what the hardest part of her turning two was for me? It was- To have a party or not to have a party? It was the ultimate question on my mind. What would people think if we opted out of this birthday milestone? Would we be labeled as bad, unloving parents?


I drove myself mad with this conundrum. I wanted so badly for her birthday to go right I kind of freaked out. There were blog posts about it. I consulted friends and family. Everyone had an opinion and an idea of what I should be doing or forgetting all together. When it came right down to it I felt like my husband and I would be pretty bad parents if we went, what I call the "70s route".

The "70s Route" is a term I use whenever I refer to how things were done when I was a kid. Meaning, no big fuss, usually family-oriented and things were simple. I sometimes think my whole parenting style could be some bad retro comedy in itself except that I'm wearing 'flared' or 'boot-cut' jeans and not bell bottoms.

But I digress...

After talking it over with my husband and feeling that it would make no difference to our daughter we opted for a family day. Meaning just us. Not even grandparents. Why go nuts and spend gobs of money for a kid that did not fully absorb the concept of a birthday anyway? Instead, we made waffles for breakfast complete with extra syrup and let our cutie assist in the making of her cake. She ate raw cake batter too. Before breakfast. The shame. We took the tot to Toys R Us and had just as much fun as she did playing with balls, bikes and blocks. My spouse had to rip me from the Wii games section as I claimed to no avail that the trivia games and underwater discovery discs were for our kid and not me. We spent almost two hours wandering the aisles of this kiddie holy land until we decided to take her out for a birthday lunch. When posed with the question, "Red Robin or Thai?" She yelled out, "I eat Thai food!" So there you go.

It was a good day. Full of fun, presents (the kid got a cart of toys, clothes and more from friends and family) and good old fashioned from the box Duncan Hines cake with chocolate frosting. She wore a birthday crown and blew out her candles. She ran around the house on a sugar high yelling, "BIRTHDAY!" and I have to say I was a bit envious. That 'no care in the world' attitude is infectious but it is also hard to sustain as an adult.

It made me realize that all my fussing and analyzing over what would be the perfect way to spend her day was not only ridiculous but not about her and more about me. I cared more about how other people would view me as a parent if I didn't throw my child a party than I did about the actual day. That is not only insane but also not the '70s route' I so adore. After having all that fun in such an easy manner I've learned something. Next year? I'm not throwing a party then either. Unless of course she wants me to and if that is the case, then she can plan it.


Comments

Stephv said...


Right on for you for common sense. So much of kids stuff (comparing grades, sports teams,etc..) is for the ego feeding of the parents or the need to "look" a certain way. I say who cares?


Here in Silicon valley helicopter parenting has reached absurd


levels, preschools are chosen for their college cachet and God forbid little Katie eats a Cheetoh or anything that is not from Whole Foods.


Retro rocks.


Reply February 27, 2008 at 08:23 AM Gunfighter said...


Brava!






I think that you did the right thing.


Reply February 27, 2008 at 09:36 AM Linda said...


yes, I have to say that we've done this twice now and this is the first year...my oldest is turning four that he has even asked about a party, guests, cake, etc. We're still going the super easy route. Cake at the playground!!!


Reply February 27, 2008 at 10:20 AM Sue said...


That is MY KIND OF PARTY! Way to go. What is better than pancakes and raw cake batter for breakfast?






Another 70s mom here.


Reply February 27, 2008 at 11:20 AM Andrea said...


Good for you!! We like to keep it simple, too. No big parties. The birthday boy gets to pick what he wants for breakfast and dinner, though hubs likes to go all out on making the birthday cakes.


Reply February 27, 2008 at 01:43 PM natalie said...


Yay for the 70's route! I've got a 6-month-old, and I've found myself already thinking about how we'll celebrate his first birthday. Crazy, no? I love the family only silliness approach, and now have the perfect name for it. I keep hearing about the pressure to put together the perfect goodie bags for kids to take away from your parties - way too much stuff and way too much pressure for me! Thanks for this!


Reply February 28, 2008 at 06:49 AM Kristin DeLoach, Graco said...


I love it 70's style! That's the route my husband and I chose for our little lady. Simple, classic fun is the most memorable. Plus we wanted to keep it focused on the "guest of honor" and not everyone else.






By the way, to this day I still ask for that artifical strawberry flavored Duncan Hines cake with the bright pink strawberry icing -fortunately my mom stills obliges :)


Reply February 28, 2008 at 03:10 PM svmom3 said...


Two amazing first birthday ideas I've heard of:






a bubbles party. This one is all about the adults anyway, so pass the champagne (and have a few bottles of bubble soap for people who arrive with toddlers to play with) (I know several people who have gone this route; one who blames bubbles parties on why her kids are all spaced 1 year and 9 months apart)






a thank you ladies for your support party. Leave baby home with dad, and go out with all the women who supported you at the birth and beyond (midwife, doula, close friends, etc). go home and take photo of kid and cake later.


Reply February 28, 2008 at 03:14 PM Vicky said...


Awesome Kristen! I love the strawberry cake and frosting. That was my 6th birthday cake and I still think of it fondly!


Reply February 29, 2008 at 05:20 AM terri said...


my hubs grew up w/the full-fleged bday parties. my parents didnt have the means, just cake & candles. my hubs still smiles remembering. and i see the same in my friends' children, who would plan and anticipate months in advance. so for us, it's not keepin up with the jones, but creating these wonderous-filled moments for our children. cause to be perfectly honest, i'm alittle envious of my hubs' childhood.


Reply March 02, 2008 at 07:34 AM Violet said...


I'm so glad to hear someone else say this! My daughter turns two next week, and we're planning a day at the aquarium and a cake at home. My mother is SO disappointed with me, and thinks I'm terrible for not throwing a party, but we don't know that many kids her age, and I really don't see the point. She'll have more fun at the aquarium with us, and isn't she the one that matters?


Reply March 03, 2008 at 06:12 AM selfmademom said...


It's funny you wrote this because I have a post in queue that I will put up tonight about how I can't put on a low key birthday party no matter how hard I try. But I actually am having fun with it. I think that if it's not fun anymore then it's not worth it.


Reply March 05, 2008 at 07:05 PM children party clowns ny said...


such a very interesting post, i had fun reading it. i am sure your child's birthday party was a splash.