Monday, February 04, 2008

Game Plan? Sleep

I found myself getting slowly irritable yesterday as I repeatedly circled the aisles of my grocery store. When I saw the tenth endcap of salsa and chips and felt a white hot rage I realized there might be a problem.

By the time I got home this irritability had turned into a zombie-like state and all I wanted was some cool darkness and a nap. I entered my house and it was amazingly enough completely quiet. Bliss! Then I shut the front door and found I was mistaken. No, everyone was not asleep like I thought and hoped. Dreamed, really. Everyone was awake. I explained my state to H and told him it would be best if he went for a run and that I was putting T.D. down for a nap. Please do not disturb. I was on the verge of turning into a beast.

It is official. I have insomnia.

As I type this I am already thinking of tonight's quest for sleep. What's my strategy? My game plan. Drugs or no drugs? Is it time to bring in the big guns and speak to a doctor and beg for some heavier meds? OTC's have not been cutting it lately.

Since I was a child I go through stages like this. Sleep becomes elusive. When I was little I would just read. I would read until the sun came up. No longer possessing the energy of a ten year-old I now just lie awake and wait. I toss. I turn. I shift pillows and cover up only to find that minutes later I cannot stand the pillows or the blankets. My side of the bed is a tumulutous mess of tangled sheets and frustration.

I am so tired right now my insides are trembling. It is 7 a.m.

My body aches.

I look at my bed and I want to tear up the pillows in rage.

Five minutes later I feel the urge to lay back down and calmly caress the sheets.

When I go to bed at night I have the best intentions. In fact, it was not until last night that I realized the pattern. Broken sleep becomes no sleep. I lie there trying to nod off but every noise, shift in the bed, air flow change and more becomes painfully obvious to me and my body just stays awake. My mind begins to toss random images out that keep me from simply closing my eyes and heading towards actual REM.

Hillary Clinton with rabbit teeth. Extremely large rabbit teeth and she is not cute bunny.

Visualizing myself sleeping peacefully.

Hillary Clinton in polka-dotted power suits chopping wood. WTF?

I think of all I need to do the next day, this week and then try and block it all out.

I fall in love with my blankets.

I hate my blankets.

I think of sleeping as soon as I wake up now. It is at that point. I make pacts to nap. I promise to head to bed at 8 p.m. and yet I never do.

My game plan for tonight: To conquer this insomniactic beast that makes me a cranky, miserable drooling mess during the day.

How will I do it? I have no freakin' clue. All I know is that I cannot take one more night of visions of Hillary dancing in my head.


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5 comments:

  1. I sleep with my iPod in my ears. I have meditations, soothing music (classical), brainwave therapy, and books on tape. I flop between them all depending on what type of sleep issue I'm having.

    A few times I've woken up early morning and couldn't fall back to sleep. I put a book on tape on and felt if I wasn't sleeping I was getting something done ;) I'm one of those people that finds voices soothing so I can fall asleep easily to books being read. I have a lot of friends that can't stand being read to, or meditations where people are telling them to do things.

    Good luck in conquering the sleep monster tonight! You might want to schedule an appointment with the dr. as an added precaution. Sometimes a takes a few days to be seen, and murphy's law says you'll get a good nights sleep the night before you go in :) It may be a good idea to have something on hand if this is recurring.

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  2. I've been suffering from broken sleep for more than a year now. I tried the TOC Tylenol PM and while it worked (knocking me out very quickly) I was completely dragging butt the next day that it would have been better to have broken sleep. If you find something that helps let me know. I sure could use more than 5 - 6 hours of broken sleep a night.

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  3. Hi there! This is Sandy from ConnectingMoms.

    I suffer from a bit of this too. I worked the night shift for years, and never really fully re-adjusted back to human hours since. Of course having children doesn't help either.

    Wishing you some blissful sleep soon, drugged, or not drugged :)

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  4. Pamela3:36 PM

    Do you think there is a link to the tea? I know you said you were "dumping" the caffeine, but 4-5 cups a day is a lot.

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  5. That's a toughie. I would call the doc; see if there's something else you can do. Otherwise, the cycle just gets worse and worse. No sleep = hallucinations = no sleep = worse mind games

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