Goodbye's

Some people say they don't "do" goodbye's. I have never been one to use that pat phrase. I do them alright I just don't show much emotion while it's happening. When H left for Iraq I didn't even cry. I just hugged him and we said, "OK, see you sometime..." and I went home. That's it. The fact that I lived on some weird plane of non-emotion for the entire time is a whole other post.

Some might say that is cold of me. How can I render so much emotion for tragic ship sinking's and events that have nothing to do with me, but yet I can mourn and grieve them like nobodies business? I don't really get it either, except to say it's just way too personal for me and must be done alone.

Tonight, I said goodbye to a friend that a year ago I didn't even know. Tears were shed by all the women on my block but me. It's not that I don't care or that I even care less. I don't really even cry at funerals. It's like a block. Then I go home to my empty house and just keel over. I can put it off a bit by sitting here writing this pathetic blog. Yet, here I sniffle and already miss my friend. I walked into my house saw a bowl of chocolates and thought, "Oh! I'll just go give these to her for her trip." It was too late, she was already driving away. I walked slowly in the humid night back to my house sighing heavily suddenly saddened by the whole night.

It will never be the same. She will no longer call me in the morning and ask, "How are you doin'?" in her Texas drawl and then I'll lug T.D. across the street for coffee and a morning walk. Her son is T.D.'s favorite playmate. I well up in tears when I think of how she will keep toddling to his front door asking for "Mahk". I already had to tell her twice today, "All done. Mark doesn't live there. All done." It's the only way T.D. sort of comprehends it. I will miss the easy way she had and how she made me feel like a better Mom and not less of one the way some women I've known have. I will miss the Texas Trash.

Sure there is email and phones, but there is something truly special about having a neighbor who you can rely on to not only watch your kids and set up play dates with, but one who actually becomes your friend and you tell your secrets to. It's rare and special and I can say from past experience incredibly hard to have to do twice in one year. I'm still not over the last defection from our 'hood (That still sucks and it's been almost a year). On our tiny street we're relatively close and watch out for each other. We actually borrow cups of sugar and eggs. You become so entrenched in just passing through each other's homes each day. You learn from other mothers and watch their kids grow. I love it and it sucks and hurts, I know I'm being eloquent again, when part of that leaves.

So there's my sap for the month and a deeper blog post than the last few, she totally called me out on that just before she said goodbye. What I'll miss the most from her, is not her stellar coffee or the play dates, but her honesty and ease. It's those things that make me cry and miss her more.