Looking Good No Matter What?

When you look at this ad what do you see? What comes to mind? Are you distracted by the couch? Do you think of Mad Men? Do you see the necklace as a strangulation device?

I'm partial to that last one. When I first looked at this photo my first thought was that the necklace and the man had sinister intentions. When I saw the black eye and the slogan, "Look good in all you do" I was appalled. My question is this- are you offended? Do you see this ad as controversial and depicting domestic violence as acceptable?

And to think that I was all set to post this photo only. It seems that "my sensitivity", my "political correctness" is too high these days. Maybe its because I'm an emotional mum who has two kids starting school this fall. Maybe the 11th anniversary of my grandfather's death just hit me harder than normal. Yeah, that was me all red-eyed and teary yesterday. I couldn't keep my wits about me for half the day. Maybe I just think it is totally unacceptable to tolerate this type of ad and t-shirt for anyone.

Is Feminism Bad?

There was a Slut Walk in DC this past weekend.  I have an uncomfortable itch discussing the topic of a Slut Walk in the same post as feminism, but that itch is because I am quite sure that some people think the two have to go hand in hand.  A Slut Walk, if you don't know, is a rally or protest to eradicate harassment and that women are what they wear. That is it not OK to harass or assault a person based on the length of their skirt or the amount of cleavage they are displaying. 

That's not feminism. That is being a decent human being.  No one deserves to be raped, harassed or violated based on what they wear or how they look.  Trust me, I've been grabbed in the crotch before and I was wearing a sweater and a pair of black pants.  There was nothing about that outfit that said, "Go ahead! Feel my box up!  I would just adore that, please!"  Ugh.

So Feminism. Is it bad?  When I say this, I don't mean are equal rights bad, but is it considered bad to be a feminist in this day and age due to a misconception about what a feminist really is?  Do you consider yourself a feminist?  Before you go and start squirming and say things like, "I'm not a bitch!"  "I ain't no lesbian."  or "Feminist hate men! I like them!"  So do I and yet I am a card carrying feminist (if we had cards to carry.  Though an eye patch might be kind of rad.) I am raising a passel of like-minded feminist girls.  I was raised by two feminists and one of them is a dude.

When I hear young women declaring that they aren't feminists it makes me sad.  Have they been taught nothing about the Suffragist movement?  Do they even know who Gloria Steinem or Betty Friedan are?  Have they never heard of the Guerrilla Girls? Often the answer to these questions is no.  I think, "Do you really value yourself so little that you think you are a second class citizen? That you are not equal to a man?"  That makes me angry and distraught that perhaps this isn't a part of history being taught to both sexes.  It's all history and a valuable lesson that should not lose its way or meaning. 

Being a feminist is the idea that men and women are deserving of the same rights.  We offer up a myriad of strengths and yes, weaknesses and that is OK.  We are not the same but we should be treated equally and have the same opportunities, benefits and pay. It's about having the same political, economic and social rights.  It's not about hating men and wanting to dominate every situation.  Though, if you do want to dominate every situation, that's cool.

As a feminist I don't believe that one person should receive a raise just because someone else on the job did who didn't perform as well. Be it two women, a woman and a man or two men. They didn't do the job equally as well so why pay that way? That's not what I am saying. Women do deserve to have the same pay as men, especially when starting out in a job. I can't tell you how many times I started a job at the same time as a guy and he got paid more or later his raise was higher despite a lackluster performance with the excuse, "He has a family to support." WOW. Didn't I just practically birth part of the family that I support right in my cubicle? Guess that doesn't count. But it does and should and if you think that same way, then you my dear, are a feminist.


And it's not a bad thing. It's really, really, good.

Being a feminist is not the same as being a liberal.  You don't have to be Vegan or a Vegetarian and wear hemp.  I like black nail polish, but not because I'm a feminist.  It makes me foaming at the mouth angry when women declare, quite proudly and staunchly, that they are not feminist (as if it is a bad tasting word that needs to be spit out of their mouth quickly) because they (a. believe in God b.) don't believe in abortion or c.) are conservative in political beliefs in general.  My response each time is always the same.  I bite my tongue, smile and point out that is all totally fine.  You don't have to be a liberal. You don't have to be Pro-Choice. You can believe in any religion you want.  I am a Christian, after all.  You just have to believe that we all deserve the same rights politically, socially, and economically. We are all human beings and should all be treated as such.  Respect.  It is what it is all about.

The beauty of being a feminist, in my mind, is that we respect each others choices.  What works for some, doesn't work for others and that is fine. It is what makes us different and lets the world evolve into such a unique space.  Just because a woman stays home with or without kids doesn't mean she isn't a feminist.  You can get married or not.  You can have kids or not.  You can work or not.  As a feminist you simply believe that it is your choice.  You have the right, just like a man, to make that choice.  To not be a second-class citizen.  To vote, own property and not be abused because someone wrongly thinks you are inferior.

I don't believe feminism is bad.  I believe that the media's warped, let's put everything into a box, idea of what a feminist looks and acts like is bad.  I believe many of us are not thinking for ourselves these days but just looking at stereotypes being fed to us and running with them. Our ideas are not fully formed and thought through entirely clearly.  We are not letting ourselves think through them for whatever reason because it is easier not to.  We like our fast food.  We like our ideas fed to us too.  Maybe some would consider me an old-school Suffragist.  But I consider myself a Feminist.

Do you? 



Oh look! There's a feminist now.

On Women & History

Two things I am passionate about- women and history.  I was a history major with a minor in women's studies.  If I had only known I was one class short of getting my certificate I would have done it.  C'est la vie.  March is Women's History Month.  Each week this month I will showcase a woman who made history.  Think of it as a light bit of education and a break from the pop culture snark we all take a big bite of these days.

Loretta Walsh (1896-1925)  I'm a softy for this one.  She has my maiden name.  I like to think we are kin folk.  At age eighteen Loretta wanted to do her part to help with the war effort. She enlisted in the US Navy on March 17, 1917 becoming the first woman in the Armed Forces in a non-nursing role.  On March 19, 1917 the Navy became the first service branch to accept women in this capacity.  Taking on roles in ammunition factories, clerical duties, radio transmissions and being stationed in places like the US, Guam and France these women recruited and produced a lot of goods for the Navy and Marines.  Guess what else?  Women service members made $28.75 a month in salary in the service. The same wage as men. 

Walsh went on to serve until her four year commitment was up.  Sadly, she died in 1925 at the age of 29.  Her tombstone reads-

 Loretta Perfectus Walsh

April 22, 1896–August 6, 1925

Woman and Patriot

First of those enrolled in the United States Naval Service

World War 1917–1919

Her comrades dedicate this monument

to keep alive forever

memories of the sacrifice and devotion of womanhood

 

 

*Image courtesy of jennifershelton.com



Love the Little Bundle, Hate the Pre-Baby Shin-dig

Cross-posted and archived from DC Metro Moms.  Original post date January 14, 2008.  Thank goodness times are changing and some baby showers are no longer this way.  In fact, The Fifth Element's was a brunch with vodka and champagne.  Fabulous. 

I attended a baby shower this weekend in one of those spacious clubhouses that can only be found in a brand spankin' new community. My friend is about to have her first baby. So I, like many of her other friends, turned out to celebrate this new bundle of joy and welcome her to motherhood.


In theory this is a great idea. Beyond theory it is fabulous for only one person. OK, maybe two. The mother and the baby. The mom gets pampered and showered with attention and she gets the items she needs for little junior's arrival. There's cake too which I believe no event, even a trip to the grocery store, should be without. I love celebrating my friends journey through pregnancy, her impending birth and child's arrival. However, I just can't get beyond the fact that I just loathe baby showers. I dread them with the hatred of a thousand pastel colored burp cloths and a million ill-fitting breast pumps.

My husband seems to think that all women must love going to these events. He sees it like a vacation day for me. We women go without the kids if we have them and it is an afternoon spent with our friends. Pfftt... I say. Sure. Color me a pessimist but I find these events excruciating. Does he really think I enjoy watching someone open a bazillion items from Target, Babies R Us and Pottery Barn Kids for two hours? Items that have already been destroyed and are no longer worth fawning over. Items that you are sick to death of seeing in your own home? Does he even realize how nauseating it is to look at those diapers with Mr. Good-bar in them? Or is that a melted Twix bar? Tasty. Does he realize I do not enjoy eating chicken with rice bits just to score some body lotion or mini-soap. No, he thinks I love it. He thinks all women must love the chance to throw unwanted advice at a new mom. That we live to talk baby talk and discuss the birthin' of the babies. For me that could not be more wrong. His belief gets my baby shower dread ball rolling too.

Then the introvert in me comes out full-force during the event as well. I yearn for darkened corners to eat my cake and punch in peace. My nerves are forever jangling as I make baby small talk and give the sort of advice that warrants putting me in that dark corner anyway. Advice like, "Labor? Piece of cake! I feel smug saying this but Ha! Twelve pushes. Don't worry." I mean this to ease the nerves of the new mom but I end up riling up the rest of the mothers who gather around. Either that or I feel like I sound like I'm drunk and I end up back in the corner nibbling cheese or staring too long at the baby cake. I try to do my part, to be a good friend at these events but I always end up feeling like I come up short. That the fact that I would rather be swillin' a drink laced with vodka vs. daintily eating a tea sandwich is painfully obvious. It probably is. I have never been one to hide my emotions well.

I think what it boils down to is that every shower seems much like the other. The format remains consistent and stuffy. The colors and themes do not change. The elderly aunts and grandmothers are the only ones who truly enjoy these events. It gets harder and harder to ooh and aah over a crocheted whatever with each passing function. While this past weekends baby shower was incredibly easy and not mind-numbingly boring it did make me pause and think. Then vow. I vowed to myself that if I ever throw a baby shower myself it will not be some staid affair. There will be no storks, no pinks and blues. No punch with floating bits of sherbet will come near it. I simply cannot do it. I'll do my best to keep the mother in mind but gosh darn it,as God as my witness, there will be champagne (sparkling cider too of course), music, possibly some Wii or Karoke and NO GAMES. Unless of course those games involve cake.

I can easily say this will never happen. No one will ever ask me to throw them a baby shower simply because they know my hatred of them. That and I think they fear that I might just be sick enough to play 'pin the bootie on the belly' of the new mother just for laughs.


Comments






baby girl said...


I love baby shower, I've been only in two, but still if it a close friend of my it especially fun.


Reply January 14, 2008 at 11:51 AM Linda said...


I always think of that Sex and the City episode where Miranda wants chicken wings at her shower!! I've only been to a few babyshowers, even my own were odd since we were overseas. But my first one was "virtual." We lived in the Middle East. My friends sent all the gifts and we connected on IM and had a virtual baby shower with friends/family while I opened presents in my PJs. It rocked!!!


Reply January 14, 2008 at 01:24 PM merseydotes said...


I hate those hokey games and decorations. At my baby shower, I insisted on only games that could be plaid with a pencil and paper (ie, things you could write down) - no diapers, Baby Ruths, baby food, dolls, etc. It was great. I hosted a shower for a friend, and it was all about good food, white wine, chatting and presents. And great cake.


Reply January 14, 2008 at 01:56 PM Bittermom said...


I would love to attend a baby shower thrown by you.






I do also agree that cake should be served with everything. But only good cake. Please don't even think about going to Walmart for a cake.


Reply January 14, 2008 at 03:22 PM GirlFren said...


Ya know, I hate baby showers, too. I've thrown two and it caused me so much anguish I didn't sleep for days. Just knowing that I was hosting an event that would essentially be endured begrudgingly by everyone in attendance just sent me over the top. Too much to bear. And then, when I was preggers with my son, I had to sit through THREE different baby showers which just made me feel so very very guilty. Guilty for the people who had to come, guilty for all the stuff I was getting, guilty for wishing I could avoid all of it altogether. My wisdom? Showerees and Showerers must abide by these rules: 1) If you are the recipient of a shower, you must remember to be super, super thankful to everybody who comes, everybody who sends you some good wishes, and to the nice people who threw you the shower. Thank them multiple times. 2) If you attend or throw a shower, you must really try to send out good vibes to the guest of honor because that person is special and deserves some happies for their special event, and shouldn't have to feel bad about it. 3. No games.


Reply January 14, 2008 at 04:59 PM Caitlin said...


The worst baby showers I've been to are the ones that got rescheduled because someone thought it would be cute to schedule the original within two weeks of the due date. Usually everyone brings the gifts by the house, so by the time the rescheduled shower rolls around, you feel like you have to buy another gift, because you don't want to look cheap.


Reply January 14, 2008 at 10:12 PM Michele said...


Count me in with the old ladies because I love baby showers. With two caveats -


1 - I dont want it to be one of three or four showers for the new mom. I hate when you spend time, thought and good money on a goft just to have her say "Oh I got this at my work shower and my book club shower too!"


and


2 - I want good food. Champagne or wine is a bonus. If you are going to suck up most of my Saturday or Sunday, at least feed me well.


Reply January 16, 2008 at 01:26 PM LawyerMama said...


I banned games from my baby shower. It was co-ed and at 5pm. Everyone left work early for a little cocktail/happy hour shower with food and booze. It was great. I also told everyone to feel free to ignore me and talk while I opened gifts. If I could have gotten away with not opening them there, I would have! If it weren't for the cake and the large pack 'n play assembled in the room, you wouldn't have known it was a baby shower!

New Faces and Places

Maybe we have been cooped up in the house too long because of all this winter weather.  Maybe it is the seed that H repeatedly tries to plant in my head about TD branching out her set of friends.  Whatever it was, we took a trip just down the road to new horizons this week. 

We went to a group play date.  Did your hand just fly to your mouth as you gasped in shock?  I know.  I broke our ridiculous and now monotanous routine of work, gym, school, work/play, neighborhood play, dinner, bed.  Wake up and do it all again. Gag, snore. 

I don't know why it takes me so long to do these things.  I don't know why I don't schedule them myself. Oh right (smacks forehead) I hate entertaining.  That's why.  Hives. Hives! There would be hives.  I swear if you left me alone long enough I would turn inward and probably grow a crusty shell like a hermit crab.  You would find me talking to myself or a wall in a very animated conversation and eating cold soup out of can.  I would be pretty content for a while too as long as I got to yell at the neighbors every few days ("Get a haircut!") and you kept me stocked with Bloody Mary mix.

Unlike most days where we have a ton of things scheduled I woke up this morning excited. I was excited about the possibilities of new friendships for TD as well as for myself.  I love my neigbhorhood dearly but in the last few weeks it has become rather stale.  I was about to stage at re-enactment from 'Escape from Alcatraz' any day now and I needed off our own 'rock', er, frozen tundra and off into someone else's cozy home.  Judging by the happy smiles, quiet house we later came home to and content feeling we all seem to now have, I would say the kids needed it just as badly as I did.  Being in someone else's home and talking to other mothers was like a breath of fresh spring air.  Immediately my creativity flared and my branching out made me feel that the buds on the trees aren't too far off.  When one little girl told me, "TD is welcome to play at my house anytime!" I beamed and not just for TD.  I welcome the new friendships for me too. 

Win a Dress from Shabby Apple!

I know I don't normally do this on ' TMC' but I just love this dress - it makes me happy just to look at it's brilliant blue and retroesque styling. So here goes- WIN IT!

"The turquoise Secretary dress aka '90 WPM' ($64) has ruching at the sides to flatter hips and a tie at neck. The dress's puff sleeves have a band that hit just above elbow. The skirt hits just below knee. It is made of poly/rayon/spandex jersey."

Enter to win by telling me what your favorite post is on The Mummy Chronicles and don't forget to include your contact email. A winner will be chosen at random on October 16, 2009.

Want 10% off Shabby Apple items? Tell them I sent you with this coupon- Mummychronicles10off. Use it fast - It expires Oct 29, 2009.

Congratulations to Adrian who entered at MPR for winning the dress!

Two Hot Girls

Her boyfriend called it regressing. We just called it time well spent.

Opening Pandora's Bra?

I was watching the movie, Glory, the other night. I seriously love that movie. The first time I saw it, twenty years ago (gulp!) I cried for 45 minutes after it was over. I broke my rule of not crying in front of my family too. Maybe it was the sight of all those chest wounds that got me thinking, "I haven't done a breast exam since before I was pregnant with The Comedian". So I did one right there as I sat in my darkened den taking in the Civil War flick. What? As if weirder things haven't happened on your couch.

That's when I found it. The gumball-sized lump laying underneath my right nipple. I should have known there would be something. It had been sore for the last day or so and I had just said to H that weekend, "You know, I am always dealing with your little sprains, bouts with crutches, stitches and ER visits. It just makes me think that you are going to have to deal with something big with me." Cue ominous organ music.

I felt some more. I felt the left side again too. Then I asked H to feel it. Yup. There is indeed something there. It was tender to the touch and not the least bit pleasing. H told me I was a hypochondriac who was just freaked out about some email I had gotten regarding larvae infesting a woman's breasts through her bra. Gut instinct however, told me to call the doctor. Especially after noticing some swelling and not being able to sleep on my stomach any longer. There seemed to be some discoloring as well.

The doctor looked it over, felt me up and proclaimed it, "I'm not sure. Let's get an ultrasound to see what is going on there." She gave me sad eyes that seemed filled with concern and uncertainty and sent me on my way. I'm icing it per her advice and the swelling has gone down. I have an ultrasound scheduled for tomorrow afternoon. I think it will turn out to be a cyst or a clogged duct left over from weaning The Comedian a few weeks back. However, one can't be overly confident about these things. I had to get it checked out. After all, it could be something else entirely and I just need to be sure. For my own sanity's sake and if I want to get all morbid, for my kids sakes as well.

I would really like to keep remembering 'Glory' as the film I cried for 45 minutes over and not something else.

No, You May Not Frost My Cupcake

It's discussion time again and this week I'm posing a question about friendships, the relationships between men and women and what is appropriate and what is not. It's up to you. Read the issue, discuss in the comments and offer up your opinion.

You are sitting at your friends house and her husband makes a comment along the lines of, "I'd like to frost your cupcake..." or the classic "I'd like a (insert your name and your friends name) sandwich. Heh heh. (Insert a comment about how he might be into polygamy too)". It's not the first time he says things like this but because you don't want to embarrass your friend you smile and brush it off. She laughs it off each time as well. However, it just keeps happening.

What do you do? Do you continue to keep quiet for the sake of your friend? Do you take him aside later and confront the man? Or do you reprimand him for his behavior right there in front of his kids and wife?

Have at it!

Lucy Burns, Alice Paul and Russell Brand

MoodyMommy posted this the other day and as always I got all fired up. There I was snapping photos of the back of TD's head for a snarky post, because quite frankly her hair is mirroring Russell Brand's these days, and reading my email when I read her post.

I myself have written about women's voting history before and how important it is to not give up, lay down and say we are too busy to vote. Yes, we have busy lives, but this right was not easily won for us women. Almost a century ago our sisters fought long and hard and did not back down when beaten and persecuted just to earn the right to have their say on election day.

While I never normally do this, I'm re-posting this today. It just needs to be reiterated again this election season. Get fired up ladies! Choose your candidate! Register if you haven't already and ROCK THAT VOTE this November! Over 20 million of you didn't in the last election and that is just ridiculously sad. You want to be taken seriously and have your say? THEN VOTE!

For Goodness Sake think of Alice Paul (November 20, 2007)

Cross-posted from Moms Speak Up-

Less than 100 years ago women fought for the right to vote. They fought long and hard battles staging protests and strikes in front of the White House. These women were the first people to protest in front of the White House ever. For women like Alice Paul and Lucy Burns, often described as militants, the decision to fight for the women’s right to vote was especially strong. These women endured prison time in the Occoquan Work House right here in Virginia only ten minutes from where I now live. They went on hunger strikes and the prison guards force fed them through tubes. Imprisoned three times Alice Paul would not back down. Nothing was more important to her than the women’s suffrage movement. Through her and other women’s actions, the demonstrations, parades, fires and mass meetings these women made a valid point. They were equal and deserved one of the greatest parts of being an American, the right to vote.

When I think of how these women who were part of the Congressional Union for Women’s Suffrage would react if they knew that some people, women included, would give up their right to cast a ballot for a piece of technology or and sum of money it sickens me. I feel physical pain and tears actually well up in my eyes. I want to spit fire and rain hell down on those who choose to give up their right to vote. To me it is a sacred and hard fought victory. Not voting as a woman is like pissing on these women’s graves. Their persistence and refusal to back down is part of what makes this country great but also why they won their battle. They never gave up. They never gave in no matter how arduous it was. We shouldn’t either. It makes me proud to be a woman when I think of them.

I know that today we are all very busy with our individual lives. We have families, jobs and everyday lives crammed full of things. The election is a year away. So why do we need to think about voting now? For one reason and that is to educate ourselves. To arm ourselves with the knowledge about each candidate so when it comes time to vote in the primaries and later the general election we can feel confident in our decision. If sites like BridesDecide can easily outline what each candidate stands for then why can’t we simply spend a small amount of time to pick a candidate? You probably won’t find one that believes in all the same ideals as you because most of us don’t even find that in our significant others, but just try. Take a few minutes today and do some research. Educate yourself and make the conscious decision to vote in 2008. If you aren’t registered yet NOW is the time! It takes five minutes! I swear I did it on Rock the Vote a few years back when I moved to this area. Within minutes I was a proud Virginia voter.

Vote. Do it for the future of this country. Do it so you have the right to complain when things are not to your liking, because if you refuse to cast a ballot then you have no right to argue or bitch when things go against your beliefs. Remember it is not just women in this country who fought for the right to vote. Think of the people of all races and genders all over the world who have given their life for this precious gift of choice. Let that be your guide.

How The Washington Post Peed in My Coffee

There I was, sitting at the kitchen table, not fully awake but trying to read the Sunday paper before all two year old hell broke loose in my house and sipping some coffee when I saw it. By it, I mean, the front page article in The Washington Post's Outlook section, 'We Scream, We Swoon, How Dumb Can We Get?', by Charlotte Allen.

Ugh.

Read it now. Get back to me.

Are you angry? Or do you just feel "dim" as Allen puts it and you don't quite understand all the fuss?

Why is an article such as this the one that gets the front page? Why an article about how women will always lag behind men, are the worst drivers, love romance novels and are only smart enough to remember where the berries are, the type of piece that ends up on the front page?

Reading Allen's piece I not only got angry but I started thinking of the many times I've met women who think this way and how I wanted to throttle them. I'm all for using your talents in life. If your talent is cooking or baking or writing romance novels so be it. If it is being a big-rig driver. Go for it. But DON'T dumb it down no matter what it is simply because you have been labeled by some old, long-dead man, as the 'fairer sex'. Don't put yourself in the backseat because you are a woman and prone to emotions which must equate to you being some sort of gooey mess. Does anyone read this blog? If they do, they know that despite my pieces of sap I am not overly emotional. Yet, somehow I have the X chromosome and a va-jay-jay (yes, I just used an Oprah term and in Allen's world this means I'm dim. We women loves us some Oprah right?! Blech.).

I must admit that in reading the first few paragraphs I was not terribly offended. I kind of agreed with Allen. I don't get the whole women swooning over political candidates. Sure, I backed Edwards but it was not because of his fluffy hair. In fact, the whole issue of his hair bothered me. I wanted the facts, the beliefs, the stances on issues. Screw the hair! Leave the hotness factor to Hollywood and the likes of Christian Bale and Johnny Depp. The more of Allen's piece that I read it soon became clear that it was not even about celebrating what makes us women. It was not about promoting our own strengths as individuals either (forget promoting our strengths as a sex even!) but just about how we as females should just sack it all in and admit "we are...kind of dim." My thoughts? It isn't "we women", it is just you honey. The Washington Post too for displaying and perpetuating this kind of 17th Century crap. Ms. Allen? The Washington Post? Do the rest of women a favor and leave the rest of us out this.




Want to know more about finding your own strengths? No matter what sex you are? Read this PBN book review here.



I'm also awarding Lattes and Life the February Perfect Post award.

Her post 'Don't Let Them Fool You' just tells it like it is and really rings true. Congratulations! For more perfect posts go to Petroville and Suburban Turmoil.

I'm Suzy Homemaker?

I had a thought last night as I was drifting off to sleep. OK it was more like a series of thoughts that built up and whirled around in my brain with me alternately writing a post in my head and then falling asleep mid-sentence and forgetting the verbage for this morning, but nonetheless it was a pertinent thought.

My friend once told her husband that he needed to understand that while he goes to work each day and then leaves his boss when he comes home she as a stay at home mother never does. Her boss wakes her up each morning, blows through her "office" all day leaving a wake of destruction in her path, and continuously yells at her for reasons that we don't always understand. Would he like it if his boss did that to him? No. So some understanding needed to happen on his part.

Can I relate? ShippyMcflippyshadippy I can! It's been almost a year since I decided to make a go of this work from home/staying home with T.D. In this time my salary has obviously dipped below what it used to be. I never thought I was one to base my worth on my earnings or my job. Lord knows I did not view what I was doing for Company A as a career choice. It fell in my lap when I needed it and it was a good run while it lasted. It wasn't hard to give it up. It simply was not something I wanted to be do anymore or saw myself ever doing. In the last year though I've felt, to my surprise, that I fell I have less room to make decisions. Less of a right.

I sometimes feel that I live in a world with two bosses. My job well done is reflected on such 1950s type items some days that when dinner is not met happily it is like I'm getting a bad review at the office. It can be crushing. It can suck. OK it does suck. I'm not saying that H thinks he is my boss, I think I project that on him. T.D. does dictate most of how my days flow at this point and there is no way around it. I have no desire to drag a toddler to meetings or make her watch tons of television just so I can work a few minutes more. I made this choice to wake up to my bosses each day and sleep with one of them. I just never expected to feel that I have less say simply because I now earn less.

It makes no sense really. I have always earned less than H. Maybe it is that I never expected to feel so traditional? I'm traditional in that I like pearls and little black dresses and toile, but to feel that I'm the number one cook and cleaner now and that it is less of a joint effort blows my preconceived mind. H helps out but it is simply in a different way because I am home first and it just makes sense for me to do these things. I do however, miss those days when we would cook and clean together. I see myself doing too much for both of them sometimes too. I had to stop myself from putting a spoon in H's cereal for him like I do with T.D. each morning. I wanted to vomit in the sink when I realized that I almost did this. When did I become such a Suzy Homemaker? Should I just cash it in and enter a bake-off and start wearing aprons? Maybe today when I vacuum I'll wear pumps and pearls!

Is it really all my own doing? At this point I'm trying to get over this feeling of relinquished power. Am I alone in feeling this way? Do other women who have made this decision feel this way too? It leaves me with such a feeling of discontent and I don't want it to be a winter of that.

For Goodness Sake think of Alice Paul

Cross-posted from Moms Speak Up-

Less than 100 years ago women fought for the right to vote. They fought long and hard battles staging protests and strikes in front of the White House. These women were the first people to protest in front of the White House ever. For women like Alice Paul and Lucy Burns, often described as militants, the decision to fight for the women’s right to vote was especially strong. These women endured prison time in the Occoquan Work House right here in Virginia only ten minutes from where I now live. They went on hunger strikes and the prison guards force fed them through tubes. Imprisoned three times Alice Paul would not back down. Nothing was more important to her than the women’s suffrage movement. Through her and other women’s actions, the demonstrations, parades, fires and mass meetings these women made a valid point. They were equal and deserved one of the greatest parts of being an American, the right to vote.

When I think of how these women who were part of the Congressional Union for Women’s Suffrage would react if they knew that some people, women included, would give up their right to cast a ballot for a piece of technology or and sum of money it sickens me. I feel physical pain and tears actually well up in my eyes. I want to spit fire and rain hell down on those who choose to give up their right to vote. To me it is a sacred and hard fought victory. Not voting as a woman is like pissing on these women’s graves. Their persistence and refusal to back down is part of what makes this country great but also why they won their battle. They never gave up. They never gave in no matter how arduous it was. We shouldn’t either. It makes me proud to be a woman when I think of them.

I know that today we are all very busy with our individual lives. We have families, jobs and everyday lives crammed full of things. The election is a year away. So why do we need to think about voting now? For one reason and that is to educate ourselves. To arm ourselves with the knowledge about each candidate so when it comes time to vote in the primaries and later the general election we can feel confident in our decision. If sites like BridesDecide can easily outline what each candidate stands for then why can’t we simply spend a small amount of time to pick a candidate? You probably won’t find one that believes in all the same ideals as you because most of us don’t even find that in our significant others, but just try. Take a few minutes today and do some research. Educate yourself and make the conscious decision to vote in 2008. If you aren’t registered yet NOW is the time! It takes five minutes! I swear I did it on Rock the Vote a few years back when I moved to this area. Within minutes I was a proud Virginia voter.

Vote. Do it for the future of this country. Do it so you have the right to complain when things are not to your liking, because if you refuse to cast a ballot then you have no right to argue or bitch when things go against your beliefs. Remember it is not just women in this country who fought for the right to vote. Think of the people of all races and genders all over the world who have given their life for this precious gift of choice. Let that be your guide.

Sneakers are for Your Feet. Not Your Head.

Am I right? If you started wearing gloves on your nose or putting your retainer in your ear it wouldn't work out so well and people would deem you not so bright, so why are some places such as Facebook continuing to encourage the despicably twisted yet pervasive thought- breasts for feeding is bad. Breasts to be augmented and oggled is good. Riiiiiight.

Except that not only does this Facebook episode, the MYSpace one or the Harvard Medical School incident (see NY TIMES) not only demean women further it sets us back. David Wescott, a blogger, made his point well on this topic:

Facebook has come down on both sides of a “free speech issue” here - once clamping down, once letting speech and organizing go - and in each case it’s come down in a way that arguably sets women back.

Breasts. Yes, they are beautiful. Beautiful orbs or sacs of fat. We women should celebrate our breasts most definitely. Yet some how what has continually been lost in translation over the years is that breasts serve a purpose other than as an ideal advertising tool. They are for feeding. Feeding our young. Just like udders on a cow or teets on a pig. First and foremost. Anyone else who gets to suckle at the breast is just a lucky SOB or DOB (daughter of a ... you get my drift).

This whole thought process that breastfeeding in public is obscene is absurd! And wrong. So maybe it makes you uncomfortable to see a partial boob while chomping your steak at Applebees or shopping for new kicks in the mall. Face it that's because nudity probably makes you uncomfortable too. Well, a bucket full of maggots makes me "uncomfortable". So you know what? I look away! Look away from the bucket of maggots. Look away from the breastfeeding women who is doing what she believes is best or economically feasible for her and her child. Don't give her a dirty look or say something inappropriate making her feel low and unworthy of leaving her house. Women get enough mixed messages out there.

What is obscene and absurd to me is the barely legal porno sites out there or the women whose only goal is to be a Playboy centerfold. Not someone using their body in the way they are supposed to. Breasts are for feeding, sneakers are for your feet.

For more on this subject head on over to Izzy Mom.