Happy Halloween!

Go to the link by clicking on the title. Notice that each one has the exact same expression on its face. That's the look I'll be getting tonight but in a pirate costume.

Product of the Week!

In our last week of October we feature the Awake Sea Salt Scrub from Arbonne.

I tried this scrub out this weekend as well as the body lotion in this line. The scrub is a nice blend of sea salt and essential oil with the key ingredients of avocado and sweet almond oil. I was surprised at how oily it was at first until I noticed the little spatula to mix the scrub. Once mixed it exfoliated well leaving a protective moisturizing layer on my skin. The light citrusy scent only enhances the quality of this product. I then applied the Awake lotion locking in all the moisture and leaving my skin smooth and soft. It was like a little visit to the spa only in my home bathroom. I would definetly try the other aromatherapy products that Arbonne has to offer.

For more information about the Awake Aromatherapy line or any of the Arbonne products featured this month please conatct Dana Geraghty at danageraghty@comcast.net and remember to mention the Mummy Chronicles. Truly these are inspiring products that make you feel good about your skin again!

Poor Chili Dog

Friday while at the vet for Lex's annual check up we had the chance to meet Chili. Poor Chili. Chili the fat chihuahua. How fat is he? Well we won't go into that we'll just say that his owner wanted to remove his blue and red bowtie before Chili was weighed so he wouldn't feel bad about his weight. Yup, I'm not lying. See? Poor Chili.

Beyond Chili's weight issues he also sports a nice underbite and snaggletooth. It adds to his sad charm. His tongue swipes that snaggletooth every few seconds while he patiently waited the full 20 minutes it took his owner to explain his daily care. I listened to her quietly explain to the vet tech Chili's daily needs. She took a photo of him at home lest he be confused with say another fat chihuahua with a snaggletooth also boarding at the same time.

It was his first visit she kept saying fretfully with wringing hands. She wanted the kennel to know that while Chili does indeed possess "chompers" they don't work so well and he needs soft food. "Do they provide it? Oh they do? Good." "But here's some of his from home just in case." Like magic this woman whipped out cans of dog food. Seriously. It was magic as she didn't even have a purse on her person but all of a sudden there were cans of dog food on the counter. Chili barely glanced up. So she asked, "would they mind putting some dry bits in his soft food so he wouldn't feel bad about his lack of ability to crunch kibble?" I had to stifle a laugh there and just took out my notepad and jotted these things down. It was too good to be true. I wish my cell phone had a camera to snap Chili pics.

When it was time for Chili to go back to his boarding cage she asked to go with him. The tech looked mildly annoyed and told her that wasn't necessary. She in turn stated, "But he's so scared! Look at him!" Chili blinked and licked his snaggletooth completely unruffled. If anything he looked a bit pleading. As if to say, "Please release me from her overmanicured mitts!" She crouched down next to Chili stroking him and saying, "Now, it's ok, you're fine, you're fine! Don't be scared." I wanted to go over to her and stroke her head and say the same thing! It's ok to let go lady, Chili will be fine. I think he'll enjoy this time away, really.

Sadly Lex and I were called back before we could see Chili's farewell but I had had enough. I know there are overprotective parents out there and I know there are pampered pets. Chili's owner was one for the books.

Insert Evil Laugh Here

T.D.'s Halloween costume. Amazingly realistic isn't it? Daycare called we had to pick her up early again, her costume was making the other kids cry.

It's a Bloggiversary!

Yesterday was a much better day. It was a true fall day and even though the brake fluid light went off in my car it's ear piercing wail truly waking me up at 5:30 a.m. the day went well.

I really tried to concentrate on all the small things I did accomplish on Wednesday and focus on the good that was going on yesterday. Like when H emailed me in the morning telling me that he would pick up T.D. after work. This gave me time to run and take the dog out. Realizing I forgot my Ipod at work? Not a problem. I really enjoyed the run in the crisp fall air with just the sound of my shoes hitting the pavement while Lex's feet tip-tapped the road along with me. It was a perfect night where I felt relaxed and smiled more than usual and laughed. I guess I was missing that a bit lately. Thanks to everyone who offered words of encouragement through the day via email and in person. I needed it! It truly helped.

On another note, yesterday was my bloggy birthday. It was one year ago yesterday that I began 'The Evils', which you can find on my profile still. I had set out to just update our families about our lives and the new baby but it ended up launching into so much more it seems. So Happy Bloggiversary to 'The Evils' and thanks for all your support!


***** Incidentally it's also my 200th post!!*************** Cake for everyone!

Stink Eye, Pink Eye, Double Trouble Yick Eye

I have to stop saying that I just want a normal week. Maybe if I stop saying it, that might actually occur. Otherwise I'll end up with another week where I'm found muttering, "Curses! Foiled Again!", with puke running down my arm, green snot on my shirt and a 'To-Do' list stuck to my ass. All day. And I never know it's there but I'm frantically looking for it.

Does this sound familiar? I hope so. I know I'm not the only one but I'm having some issues lately and I'm trying to work them out. I think it's the whole I know I'm staying home soon thing and that freaks the living daylights out of me. Especially after yesterday. Our world has been so messed up this month with abnormal days that it's hard to stay grounded.

Here's what is up: Tuesday daycare called, T.D. had double pink eye. Fabulous. Now not only did I feel the need to scratch my eyes out and de-germ everything in our house and cars, I had to leave work early AGAIN. Pink eye is uber-contagious as we all know so she had to be kept home for 24 hours requiring yet another work from home day.

One of my friends described working from home as a luxury. To anyone who does this with a highly active/sick infant you know it's anything but. When T.D. had puked on me a few times, rubbed sticky green snot on my shirt even more times, fallen down repeatedly after lunging after the dog and both my work and home computer crapped out by 1 pm I had to call it a day. I sat in the chair in our home office and just cried. I had accomplished nothing. I had a clingy, sick child on me. I felt overwhelming guilt for being an "unreliable" employee and not doing anything all day for work and I felt fat. Break out the Mom Jeans now because it's all that will fit me soon! Our erratic schedule the last few weeks has made working out something akin to if I was a sick kid it might be my Make A Wish dream.

My clothes are tight again. I feel so repulsed and inactive. I want to crawl under a rock. I certainly don't want H looking at me or touching me. I feel enormous and slow. I may not look that way to the average passser-by, but it's simply how I feel and I don't want to hear otherwise because it's how I FEEL.

It all just made me wonder. Is this what life will be like all the time once I'm home? I have to think no, because I won't have that whole "working and reporting to the man" thing hanging over me. I'll be working when I can. I'll probably feel bad about not bringing in as much money. I do have that fear of us making a mistake and come April I'll have to frantically look for a job and wonder if we'll find a daycare again for T.D. Soon I'll be making my own schedule and dragging her with me. So I have to keep thinking that way. It will be our schedule. Things will work out ok.

Plus I must keep telling myself that I'm doing a lot. I'm caring for T.D., working full-time and doing all the extras that come with a messed up schedule and anything else that must be done- clean house, car maintenance, errands, etc. Once I elminate the 12 hours I'm at work and not getting stuff done in our home life it will be vastly different. I must keep telling myself that. I must. If I don't I will crack shortly.

That's another thing. I am so sick of feeling that I'm on the verge of a breakdown every single week. I'm just getting by. I'm sick of feeling like a dirty dishrag that is all used up and laying on the side of the road crusted with dirt and leaves and various road debris, frozen in it's crumpled position.

Until next time....

Woo Woo! It's the Product of the Week!

This week we are featuring a few products. First is October's 'Product of the Month', Arbonne's RE9 REveal facial scrub and RElease facial masque.

I have to say when I first read the instructions stating, 'do not use the masque and scrub on the same day', I got scared. Images of Samantha post-chemical peel gone bad on SATC popped into my brain. But like a good product tester I followed the directions and was very pleased with the results. First, the scrub. The aloe and chamomile soothed my skin and the grains smoothed away my rough patches. My face feels smoother and more refined. The masque, went on very nicely and dries in about 10 minutes. Great for those of us short on time! I hang clothes in my closet near the bathroom while I wait for it to dry. It washes off easily and leaves my skin not only brighter but it really does clean up clogged pores. Being a girl with combo skin and sometimes prone to breakouts I haven't had a one since using any of the Arbonne products. This masque just makes my skin even better! My tone is even, freckles have faded as have some scars. My pores really are deep down clean in a non-irritated way they have NEVER been. Quite frankly these products kick other products in the ass. A lot.

I never thought I would say that. I'm not paid to do this and I'm not getting this stuff for free so put that out of your mind. I simply gave Arbonne a whirl with amazing results.

So contact Dana Geraghty, the Arbonne consultant, at danageraghty@comcast.net today. Mention the Mummy Chronicles while you are at it and be prepared to fall in love with Arbonne.


As a bonus this week I have another little find to trot out. Mad Housewife wine. I found this recently on a jaunt to Safeway. I tried the Cabnernet and love it. It's easy on the wallet but not one of those cheap sour wines. I think it's a fun wine for after a treacherous commute home, or a day when the asshat in your life says something that has really put you over the edge. Try it you might find you are a Mad Housewife too!

Back! By Popular Demand- It's the Question of the Week!

Like the title says- it's back!

Recently there have been som stories circulating in the news about tag and touch football being banned. Kids and adults alike get sick easier for longer periods of times because we are simply too clean. It's nuts I tell you, nuts!

What kind of world do we live in that we take our young tots to see Kill Bill volumes I & II but we freak out if they want to play outside in the mud? A freakish bizzaro world I want no part of. But that's just me.

Sometimes I feel that the way H and I feel about these issues makes us freaks. Then, I head over to Suburban Turmoil (see sidebar) and read last week's post about her parenting skillz and well, I feel somewhat normal again. So my question of the week is this:

If you are a parent, what types of things do you do that make you feel like maybe not the best parent? Do you let your kids eat food off the floor? Do they play in the rain? Is your four year old still using a bottle? Have no shame and fill me in.

Don't worry if you are not a parent- feel free to answer anyway with behaivoral ticks you have the others might find odd.

I let T.D. sweep our floors for us. Sure, the onesie is pure dirt at the end of the day but she's happy. AND my floors are clean. The kid eats Texas Pete I think she'll be fine.

*Remember it's easy to post a comment- just click on the comments button at the end of the post.*

A Meme Because My Brain is Rot Today.

It's Friday here at The Mummy Chronicles and it shows. I'm tired from a gray, drizzly week of a wacked out schedule and general boredom at work.

I swear one week I will not arrive at work to have to leave early. I will not wear peanut butter on my nice DVF wrap dress, nor will it sport formula or baby puke. My fishnets will contain only manufactured holes.

I'm so out of it I couldn't even muster false enthusiasm when the office Asshat came to my desk to ask me if I wanted to know how much money/profit he made the company this year. Eeww.

It's also Date Night!!! Whooo Woo!! H and I are going traditional tonight- dinner and a movie. Not the show, but actually leaving the house. Leaving the house sans baby carrier, loud exclamations from T.D. and formula stains!

What is your name?
Victoria. That's all you're getting or my Mom will freak. I have been told my Mom wanted to name me Alithia. I think that is how it’s supposed to be spelled. My Dad, thankfully, said he didn’t want a kid with a name that sounded like Lithium.

What is your quest?
My quest? Huh. Sounds all Knights of the Round Table and such. I guess to keep fighting for equal rights, raise my kid to be aware and kind-hearted with some razor sharp wit and stay married to the same person. Oh and to rule the world.

What is your favorite color?
I like reds. And yellows. Orange tones too. I like warm.

Now, onto the serious questions…

What music really moves you? If your life had a theme song, what would it be?
I like all kinds of music. Theme songs can change but some I really love are Fighter by Christina Aguliera, Express Yourself by Madonna, I’m Coming Out by Diana Ross, and Stayin’ Alive by the Bee Gees. That always puts me in a good mood.
I love strong beats, horns, drums, bass. Jazz, world music, top 40, anything I can sing along to. If it makes me feel like dancing I like it. If it makes me feel like a drill is being inserted in my brain; I no likey.

Do you have a favorite music video? If so, is it a favorite because it touches on your life experiences/life philosophy, or do you like it because it just plain looks cool?
Hmm… always did like Express Yourself, ooh and the Freedom video by George Michael. Thriller scared me. I've only had one cup of coffee today so my circuitry is all shot to hell. Recall is nil.

Have you ever purchased front row tickets to an entertainment event? If so, what was the event and did you think that the extra cost was worth it?
Mm…totally yummy Better than Ezra tickets. Front row to Henry Rollins too. So good. I got to meet him later.

Have you ever gotten anything autographed by anyone famous? If so, who was it and what did you get signed? Was the experience meaningful to you?
Henry Rollins, see above. It was the flyer from his show. I still have it. Susan St. James from Kate & Allie too. She played Kate. She did a children’s book tour reading and I still have that one too. Rollins was meaningful, St. James eh..not so much.

Tag! You're It! Ok maybe later....

Remember the 80's? We had TV Tag, Movie Tag, and Song Title tag. Tag and touch football were staples for children playing outdoors. Well not so anymore in certain Massachusetts schools. Apparently you can get hurt playing these games. You might trip or fall, there may be something construed as inappropriate touching, or hitting involved.

Augh. I just want to scream. I am so sick of our over policing our children to death. What the hell is wrong with people? What is wrong with freakin' tag? Kids get hurt it's a fact of life. They fall down, go boom. T.D. does is daily and I just say with a smile on my face-Oh! You fell over! She's fine. She sees it's not a big deal and moves on. I got a ligament pulled in a tickle fight once and had to wear a sling for a week. Big deal. I climbed monkey bars, slid down the tall slide, watched friends fall from high heights out of gasp! tree forts! They broke limbs, we moved on. If a kid doesn't experience that or isn't allowed to run around and be free they become fat-assed blobs who absorb too much screen time and can't function normally around people. Their attention spans rival gnats.

I know I may sound harsh here but I really get worked up that I'm raising a kid in such a freaked out, germ obsessed society that doesn't allow kids to play past their front door but then thinks it's ok to let their child wear shirts that say, 'Flirty!', 'Diva', and 'Your're boyfriend thinks I'm good in bed.' WHAT?! It makes no sense.

We in a world crazy about protection yet we have a really warped sense about what we are protecting. It's truly a shame that kids are becoming little tiny prisoners shuttled around in mini-vans to and from structured activities. They are growing up not knowing what it's like to really live and experience life with all it's bumps, bruises and scratches. Or imaginations. That is a whole other arguement though.

I understand that not everyone does this. I applaud those parents who are sadly having to "take a stand" and be different because they let their kids run around the 'hood. The mothers who make their children play outside, don't buy them cell phones, or enlist them in so many camps and groups that Mom and Dad and family subsist on food to go and have family time in the car. Those parents know there is more to life. That kids get hurt. They get their front teeth kicked out but survive. They fall from trees, they eat dirt and pick their hard played scabs. It's called growing up and having a childhood.

America's Youth

Every year, English teachers from across the country can submit
their collections of actual similes and metaphors found in high school
essays. These excerpts are published each year to the amusement of teachers across
the country. Here are last year's winners:

1. Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master. (Gently compressed huh? You've got to be talented with the Thigh Master to do that!)

2. His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free. (Funny, my random thoughts never seem to make or break any good alliances.)

3. He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it. (Enough said.)

4. She grew on him like she was a colony of E.Coli, and he was room-temperature Canadian beef. (I quite like this one. But why Canadian beef?)

5. She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up. (Whoa! That is not a compliment. That's something nasty and spasmodic that a doctor should look at.)

6. Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever. (Classic.)

7. He was as tall as a six-foot, three-inch tree. (I don't think this kid understood the assignment.)

8. The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because of his wife's infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly surcharge-free ATM machine. (Ok, if H cheated on me I would be a bit more shocked than that. More like being hit by a truck, feeling like I've been cut to ribbons by scissors, something more akin to that. Not being charged $2. I would just yell, "I want my $2!" and be done with it.)

9. The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't. (I'm sorry that one just made me laugh. I know someone who talks like this. No comment.)

10. McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag filled with vegetable soup. Nice visual huh? Forget strewn instestinal tract on the sidewalk I'm picturing little bits of corn and peas splattered about.)

11. From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie,
surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and Jeopardy comes on at 7:00 p.m. instead of 7:30. (Damn! I hate when that happens! It really throws me off.)
12. Her hair glistened in the rain like a nose hair after a sneeze. (Sounds like personal experience to me.)

13. The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease. (Again sounds like knowledge from experience.)

14. Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.
(If Suzy is traveling at a rate of 55mph wearing red sneakers and Jack is traveling at a speed of..... you get the idea)

15. They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that resembled Nancy Kerrigan's teeth. (Good I'm not the only one who thought that about her teeth)

16. John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.

17. He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant, and she was the East River. (Quite good actually.)

18. Even in his last years, Granddad had a mind like a steel trap, only one that had been left out so long, it had rusted shut.

19. Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do. (Love the use of wont. Just can't get good wont like you used to.)

20. The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work.

21. The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for a while. (Yea, that would be hungry alright.)

22. He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a real duck that was actually lame, maybe from stepping on a land mine or something. (This sounds like a 3rd grader talking not a high school kid.)

23. The ballerina rose gracefully en Pointe and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant. (Nice one.)

24. It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids around with power tools. (Ok, where does this kid live? Child services might need to be called. Exactly how many kids live with you son? Is your Mommy home?)

25. He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up. (I'm not even going to comment, if that is what he heard when she spoke how would he describe her ass?)

Aww...She's All Ready for Halloween.

It's Goodies Time! It's the 'Product of the Week'!

The Mummy Chronciles is proud to present a special 'Product of the Week' for all DC Metro/Northern Virginia readers. The Unique U Day Spa! Located in Lorton, Virginia this salon and spa, run by Jane Wong and her husband George, has been in the area for about two years. The staff at Unique U provides not only impeccable service and outstanding treatment for your hair but a fully operating luxurious spa too. Their website says it all, "not a single detail is overlooked, we continually strive to make your stay with us an exceptionally pleasant and relaxing experience." This is all true. From the cookies, fresh fruit, lemon water or coffee served on pristine white trays to the cascading waterfall in the salon, Unique U really does care about their clients. I recommend them to anyone who is looking for a new salon/spa or just wants to get away for a day. Check out their website for all products and services here.



The second product feature this week comes from Arbonne! It's our monthlong feature where each week a new product by Arbonne is shown. I'm still using the RE9 skin care line for anti-aging and I continue to love it as I see imporvement in my skin each week. There's a healthy glow to it and it's fading away spots I was beginning to loathe. Another great product by Arbonne is the Ginger Citrus body care line in the Holiday 2006 catalog. I have had the privledge to sample the body wash and body butter. The wash has a mild citrus scent that doesn't overpower you and leaves your skin feeling clean and refreshed. The Ginger Citrus body butter is also mild in scent and leaves your skin feeling silky soft. It's just enough to wake me up but not alarm me during my 4:30 a.m. wake up.

Like other Arbonne Products mention the Mummy Chronicles to your consultant Dana Geraghty for a Mummy discount.

It lurks in the dark. It's waiting for you!

Its hulking blue plasticness lurks on the stair landing. It mocks and shames me. "Too busy for me?", it growls. "Oh you are just so busy! Go ahead! Pile something else on top of my already hefty heap! I don't mind." Evil laugh ensues.

This blue plastic mess that taunts me each time I walk into our bedroom is the laundry basket. It has been there for weeks. For weeks I have bypassed that pile of folded, now squashed and wrinkled pile of clean clothes. Along the way some Crest White Strips (THEY DO NOT ROT YOUR BRAIN H!)and a few Bobbi Brown assorted lip glosses have been added. Shoes have had enough babies around it to make the Macy's shoe department look depleted. Purses are strewn about like offerings to the blue plastic god. I looked at it just yesterday and a pile of plastic hangers (plastic cousins come for a visit?)have also made a guest appearance.

My friends, this is what we call a mess. A HUGE mess. A mess that has taken on a life of its own. I would not be surprised if it started talking to me for real like Marjorie the trash heap from Fraggle Rock. H and I cleaned out our basement and closets in a frenzy of organization this weekend but no one touched the laundry pile. The laundry pile so daunting Saddam could have hidden WMD's in it and no one would know. Instead more clothing was thrown at it. This time dirty clothing. It is not good. This mess must be contained. If not we might have to move.

That's what I was thinking at about 6:30 last night. It was a rather grueling night of a teething, screaming, red-faced, full-on Kim Jong Il type mood for our precious bundle of cupcakes and love snot T.D. I had just given her a bath. A bath that lead to my needing a bath due to the wonderful trick T.D. had in store for me. Just as I was about to put that naked despot butt in the tub she let loose and peed all over me. Lovely. Seeing as you are not supposed to leave a baby unattended in a tub I just went on with the bath. The warm piss soaking I had just gotten spread over my t-shirt and pants like a virus becoming cold as I toweled her off. By the time we got to her pajamas I had stripped down in her nursery to finish putting her to bed. I marched into our room ready to throw those pee clothes into the hamper when I was smacked in the face with the lurking heap of laundry that now is renting space in our room. Still I was not moved. No call to action did I have.

Until 8 pm. I was clean now. In fresh non-pissy pants and ready to relax. T.D. was down for the count after a cocktail of formula and baby motrin. I sat myself down on the couch and turned on the telly. Wife Swap. An interesting show if you like watching government sponsored socialogical experiments as your entertainment. I do! I'm not a regular watcher of this show I swear! But the five minutes I did watch motivated me beyond belief. Somehow watching those fish out of familiar water women clean a strangers house made me want to tackle that laundry heap. That and the fact that H mentioned having no clean underwear this morning.

Just another night in our house.

Feel the Fall Goodness

October is my favorite month. It's full of wonderful weather, bright colors and crisp air. I feel more energized during this month than any other time of year. Maybe it's the jewel-toned leaves or the tart apples and cider everywhere. Maybe it's my annual fall hair color change. Yes, you heard that right. When the clock turns to Vernal Equinox, I book my appointment at my hair salon and put in the lowlights. A nice caramel color to off-set the season. Then fall is truly here.

I love the pumpkins on doorsteps and the cornstalks wrapped on lamp posts that line my street. There are numerous fall festivals that crop up making my bustling metro area feel more like a small town full of hayrides, face painting and haunted houses. I just want to bake non-stop. Pumpkin-spice cupcakes, snickerdoodles, pies and breads my Kitchen-Aid mixer is fearless! I giddily paint my nails in dark shades like Venom,Vamp, Voodoo and Fedora. H comments, "You know that is really not attractive right?" Wrong. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder thank you.

I find that in this month I reflect more than say on New Years. Who wants to reflect on life when it's all icy and gray? Thoughts listed in no order whatsoever.

1. Asshat's sending me emails on the origins of Halloween. Help me out here people but was Halloween really based on sacraficing virgins? Dude! Where do you get this stuff? I thought it was a pagan holiday and all but virgins?

2. In the beginning I really did like my job and the company I work for. It has some truly great benefits to it. It's just that over time things have changed with me and the company and it's no longer a nicely fit glove but more like a constricting vice grip that slowly turns to cut off my air just a little bit. And then a little bit more...

3. S'mores rock! Who needs camping when you have a gas stove? Light that sucker up and make a s'more indoors with that heavenly burnt marshmallow smell any time you want.

4. What will I do if this whole Stay at Home thing fails?

5. Can I really make it as a freelance writer when my first paying job has still not technically PAID me? "I want my two dollars!!!!" (kidding I got more than that!)

Stay tuned tomorrow when I review more Arbonne products and nice treat for all you DC Metro area people.

Working Mummy

My 'Working Mother' magazine came in the mail this week. I'm somewhat puzzled by its appearance as I didn't subscribe to it. I've read it before so a free magazine is fine with me.

The headlines on the cover were all about 'The 100 Best Companies for Working Mothers'. A quick rundown of that list showed Booz Allen Hamilton, Abbott, Avon, Citigroup and Dupont among many others. Obviously my company was not listed. I didn't even have to look at the list to know that, but two things did strike me as I went through the magazine. I found myself getting a little annoyed at first then frustrated.

First, there was a letter to the Editor by a reader who made a very good point. She was upset that the only women featured in these articles happen to be VP's or Executives. I quickly flipped through the magazine and found this to be true. She was right! This made me really annoyed. Why is it whenever I read articles like this about how great life is on this side of the fence it's about a working Mom who does indeed choose to work, makes a good amount of money, and yes, has extra help. A housekeeper 3x a week? Yeah, that would make our life easier too! A nanny? Hell yeah! I could have her take T.D. to her doctor appts in the middle of the day instead of me leaving work early and then spending the rest of my week making up time and working late. Someone who does my laundry, shopping, takes care of my kid no matter the hour and in my own home. I would feel guilty but probably a whole lot less tired and more toned after getting in gym time. One Exec even said she gets four mile runs in early in the morning before she is off to work. BECAUSE SHE HAS HELP!

I'm not saying I don't have help. T.D. spends a good portion of her day/life in daycare right now. They open at 6 a.m. and there she is waiting at the door. I pick her up about 10-12 hours later! That's a lot of time in daycare. H does his fair share of housework, errands and childcare too and without him I don't know what I would be doing. Working from home a lot more probably.

Second, after mulling over that bit I started to think about the 100 Best Companies and how I knew people who worked at some of them. Only one company actually lived up to its claims. I've since read a comments on websites from women who do work at these 100 Best and who have children. They say the same thing that I was thinking. It's all well and good to see this stuff in writing and show it to the public but when it comes to actually applying these ideas like Flex-Plus schedules, telecommuting, breast-feeding rooms,and daycare assistance to name a few, many of these companies fail their employees. Anyone remember the laptop incident of 2005 and now 2006? It took 6 months for me to get that thing, then another 3 to get IT to figure out why it wasn't working. That laptop was given to me for emergencies only I was told in the beginning. I could work from home and not lose PTO if T.D. got sick. How nice. In theory. Now that I have it that pesky on-call 24/7 rule has been issued and I am at their mercy all the time. THAT DOES NOT MAKE MY LIFE EASIER. That isn't what flex time is either. I was told it's the law to have a breast-feeding room at any work facility. When I tried to find one and spoke to the company about it I was given a room full of windows as my option. Hello! I'm not into exposing my breast to my fellow co-workers or anyone else for that matter. That's not in my job description.

I think in terms of working mothers we have come a long way. It's been a hard road to pave, but ultimately it still needs a lot of planning and work. When employees are continuously denied these options (like many of the women who commented on the websites) it causes frustration and a little bitterness. I know I feel that all the time. Companies need to live up to their titles and managers need to guide their employees and help them in these situations not make their lives more difficult.

Anyone else want to comment about this or had these issues? Even if you don't have kids but your company offers some great benefit that you've been denied- step forward and share.

R.E.M.

A dull ache like a constant thud, thud, thud is coming from behind my eyes. My eyelids feel as if they have broken up pieces of cheetos stuck underneath them and it hurts to blink. My face, my body, my brain are all tired. This week has been very long. The lack of sleep makes it so. I am making stupid mistakes just because I can't seem to find my needed allotment of REM.

H is on travel this week so I'm pulling double duty with T.D. In some respect it's been nice. I'm eating like I'm single again. No one there to stare at me as I eat stir fry with chopsticks while alternately heating Morningstar Veggie nuggets in a series of two's because I'm not ready to commit to four or even three nuggets at a time. When I burned two bagels in one day AND half a loaf of Italian bread only T.D. and the dog saw it. I can drink espresso all I want instead of the tooth achingly sweet hazelnut cream coffee H prefers. I don't even have to alternate days. It's nice! It's also a bit quiet and lonely so I'm glad he'll be home today.

However with being the only parent around my whole schedule changes. I get into work later, so I work later and get caught in more traffic thus pick up T.D. in all her non-reactive glory from day care later each day. Another few days with only 15 minutes with my kid that is only made acceptable because I know the end is in sight. I get less sleep because I think too much late at night without H there and my dog acts like a paranoid freak when he's not around. She will spend an entire evening sitting outside the basement door whining as if someone with an axe is right on the otherside waiting to get out. Thanks dog, thanks a lot. Really makes me feel safe. If I let her into the basement to squash my fears she only makes it worse by going to the crawl space behind the dryer where it's dark and forboding and whines over there. Some dude with a hook for a hand and rain slicker is surely waiting for me over there. I will then toss and turn all night long wondering when that slicker clad psycho is going to start hacking away at my bedroom door.

This lack of sleep makes me do dumb things. Like bring in baby wipes to school when they need diapers. Forgetting to take the car seat out of the car and leave it for H at daycare, yes we share a car seat, I know it annoys the crap out of me too. I will go to the gym and forget that I am not carrying gym clothes. I will go back to my office to get them and realize I have one sock packed, two shoes (different sneakers though) and a really embarrassing t-shirt packed in my gym bag. I will get the mail and then go back to check the mail a half hour later making my neighbors wonder about my sanity. I've even brushed my teeth in one bathroom and flossed in another for no apparent reason other than I'm losing my mind.

I keep getting up from my desk at work and walking around briskly as if I have something extremely important to do so I won't fall asleep. Can't wait for the slow drive home where I will amuse my fellow commuters as they watch me repeatedly smack myself in the face to stay awake. Oh yeah, I do that often.

Ms. Manners

Nothing makes me more cantankerous than bad manners. Rudeness abounds in this world on a daily basis, and I too can be guilty of that one. However, if you want to piss me off really quickly then exhibit some appalling manners like chewing with your mouth open, eating on the phone or generally having bad phone etiquette in general and I may not be able to talk to you for a while.

I can't say I don't know where it comes from because I do. My mother hates ill manneredness just as much as me and my grandmother has often been known to be horrified by such displays as bad table manners or illicit behavior in public. Maybe that's why her hair is so white? When I call myself "Little Ms. Bree", my friends agree. H, in his ever entrepreneural mind, has even suggested that I start a class teaching business etiquette. I find that idea insane. I loathe public speaking so why would I dare to teach? I by no means think I'm an expert either in this area but I find myself simply amazed and astounded by exhibits of bad manners a lot lately.

Example 1: The man in the Cutlass Ciera yesterday, you know who you are Mr. Bondo grey car with the trim half falling off, you leared at me and cackled for a full mile on my way home last night. You stuck your greasy head out your window and twisted your nasty tongue through the gap in your teeth at me and made me want to vomit out my car window. But gee mister, that would have been rude.

Example 2: The wave. I believe in travel karma. Do good unto other fellow travelers and good will come to you. Each day on my commute I make sure to allow someone in front of me per drive. I do the wave afterwards as in, "Your welcome." I hardly ever see the wave back. That's rude. So next time when I see you I'm not letting you in. Believe me I see the same cars daily. I believe in the wave. It makes traveling nicer. You don't give the wave, I don't give you the space. Even a head nod, come on people we are just talking about decency here!

Example 3: Bad phone manners. Nothing makes me more angry than being immediately put on hold or told someone will call me back right after we begin speaking. I tolerate it and I don't know why. Afterwards I find myself really twitchy and irritable. Ms. Manners and I agree call waiting is bad form. Clicking over to someone more "important" causes bad feelings on the other end. It tells the other person you do not value them or their time at all. Do it too often and you lose friends.

People have been saying this for centuries but manners are important. I know it makes me a bit fusty but I don't care. They make the world a nicer place and ease tension so please people, keep your tongues in your mouths, stop yelling obscene things at women with babies in their cars, don't spit in public or pee off your front step and kindly stop taking cell phone calls when you are with other people. You never know the nature of the person you just pissed off.

Product of the Week!

The month of October we have Arbonne as our featured product, specifically the RE9 Anti-aging skin care line.

I was sent the whole set about two weeks ago and I started using them that weekend. It's been about a week and a half now and I can honestly say that I do notice a difference. I'm lucky enough that I have the WHOLE line (Face Wash, Lift gel, Serum, Day and Night Cream, and Eye Repair cream) including the Body Serum and Body Lotion as well as the facial scrub and deep-pore cleansing masque. That's a lot of stuff people. A lot. Just the facial line for day and night consists of seven items. It was, I admit, a bit daunting at first. I kept opening box after box of these bright orange and gold bottles thinking how on earth will I find the time to get all this on my face? I wake up at 4:30 in the morning! I have a baby! I'm tired! But it's all for the sake of research! I pressed on.

The first thing I noticed was that my face no longer felt dry or "stripped" as my consultant put it. I was using another product line and I was noticing my normally combination skin was feeling and looking rather dry and dull. Arbonne perked it right up and within ONE day I was balanced. I silently cursed this as I really don't need yet another item in my arsenal of products vying for space in my bathroom. I also actually felt like I had sort of a glow to my skin. I kept saying to H, "Look! Look at my glowiness!" Amazing and yes, odd. It wasn't that oily glow either. How nice! What a change! I can safely and accurately say that after almost two weeks of using the Arbonne RE9 anti-aging line my skin does indeed look and feel refreshed. My Jamaica freckles are fading fast (this is a claim of Arbonne's too and it works) as is the uneven skin tone I normally try to conceal. Makes me happy!

There are more than a few things that are great about Arbonne. The products are all natural yet they still have that glitzy high-line look to them. They don't have an overpowering smell or anything chemical about them. Yes, there are a lot of items but you can pick and choose what you want or need. Lastly, your consultant is always an email or call away to answer any questions or concerns you might have. For example, I was feeling a bit oily after two days and my consultant, Dana Geraghty, told me to eliminate the 'Lift' product for four days. I did and it worked! No more shine! I've added it back in now and my skin still looks great without the excessive oil. Nice work Dana!

I'll have more news next week on the facial scrub and deep pore cleansing masque so stay tuned!!!

*************************************************************************
UPDATE!!!!! Dana Geraghty, my Arbonne consultant has stated that she will give a discount to those who order the Arbonne products and mention The Mummy Chronicles. More details to follow!! You can contact Dana by clicking on her name and typing in Dana Geraghty, Glendale, AZ.

Secret, Secret! Do you have a secret?

I don't anymore. That's right. I've been outed people. My Mom has read the blog. Yes, a bit of panic hit my heart and stomach when I heard her say, "Oh, I've read it." I could just picture her little smile and almost but not quite bearing of the teeth thing that she does. So I now wonder a few things. Will this inevitably censor me? Which would render this whole blog venture null and void. I mean who wants to read about our daily insanity without the good stuff? Will my Mom be a regular reader? Hmm...

Now that it's out there though it is kind of a relief. I've told her before all this that I keep a blog and she did ask last night, "Why didn't you ever tell me how to find it before?" Well, gee maybe because sometimes I seem a bit off my rocker and sometimes as Fresh Prince once said so nicely, "parents just don't understand." Showing my age there aren't I?

It all got me wondering though now that my secrets out and it wasn't really a big one who else has secrets they are keeping from their friends and family? I'm sure we all do? What is yours?

Fuel to the Fire

At about 9:30 p.m. in a hospital basement elevator I turned to H and said, "Oh you know I will be blogging about this tomorrow!"

After getting home a tad early yesterday armed with my budget spreadsheet, game plan, and mind set to argue my point about staying home and doing freelance writing full time I found it was all for naught. H came home late and while kissing T.D. on the head asked this question, "How is that bite on her arm doing?"

Ummmm...what? Oh right the mosquito bite. "I don't know", I replied. H looks at T.D. and says, "Well it was worse this morning. I put that long sleeve shirt on her so daycare wouldn't see it. "

Again, WHAT?!? I roll up T.D.'s sleeve. Oh my HORRORS! The tiny red bite from the other day is now a pussing, scabby mess complete with a bright red ring around it. T.D. herself seems fine. Spiders do not bring down dictators, coups de etat's do. She is the queen of no reaction.

It is now too late to call her pediatrician. We have to go to that mess of an ER. On the drive over H remarks, "I'm sorry, I don't know why I ignored it. I saw it was getting worse. I should have called you earlier to let you know and you could have gotten her in to see her doc." Yup. I am almost in tears.

The waiting room to the ER is packed. A girl of about 9 is puking in a tupperware bowl on the floor. A teary-eyed woman of 60-something has tried to commit suicide and is crying and saying, "I am so sad, just so sad." to her husband. Many infants are in the waiting area with tired, worried parents seated with us in plastic chairs. I fill out the form stating that T.D. has pox. I should have written small pox. That is what it looks like. I'm sure they thought it was of the chicken variety. The wait is 7 hours and counting. It's going to be a long night.

After an hour H and I decide to chance it an go to the military base ER. It's close by and there's almost never a wait. We hate using it as last time they told H he had a cold when really he needed his neck cracked by a chiropractor. But we thought, it can't be that bad.

HA!

T.D. is not in the system. The door to the room to fill out her forms is locked and in the hospital basement. We finally find a man willing to unlock the door and dummy up a file for her. Thank God. I think the twitching parent, almost hostile yet crying thing I had going helped. That over and done with we head back upstairs to have T.D.'s vitals checked.

As I unzipped her teddy bear pj's I see a pin-point red rash forming on her chest. What is this?! That was not there before! The nurse assures me it is ok. T.D. will be fine, her vitals are good. She also assures me that it isn't a bite. There are no biting spiders here. Just in Missouri. Uh, ok. Missouri? This is why I hate the military doctors. They come out with the most inane crap!

H, T.D. and I are brought into a special quarantine like room. Great. My kid has the pox. Wonderful. Anthrax. Thoughts of plastic tenting over our house like E.T. cloud my thoughts. I will not cry! She will be fine. The doctor comes in and takes a look. He has no idea what it is. Must be some sort of bacteria and decides we need to culture it. It takes an orderly, H and I to hold T.D. down. I whisper to her and humm as she screams all bloody hell as they razor blade the infected area, turning a brilliant shade of red. This is truly terrible. This is what is so awful about being a parent. My poor T.D. is so upset. No one knows what is really wrong with her but here we are getting antiobiotics for it.

Hours later we are home. She takes her meds and is off to sleep. I toss and turn all night listening to her snores. Today she is fine. Her pediatrician saw her bright and early. Guess what?! Diagonsis. Spider bite.

For the love of...

But here is the silver lining. Through all this while sitting in our plastic hospital chairs I quietly stated I wanted to stay home. H readily agreed. He and I both knew that things like this would not be such a dramatic case if I was home. So starting in the new year I will be.

Confession

I have a confession to make. I am a fraud. That woman you all see holding it together, smiling and laughing, making snarky, sarcastic comments? The one who seems to know what is going on all the time while sporting the latest nail color? Yeah, that can be me from time to time. But she's also the one who spends so little time with her kid that when she does make it out to "brave" the grocery store she is amazed when they make it home alive and in one piece.

Stop me if I'm wrong but shouldn't that phase be over by about 3-4 mos of the child's life? Shouldn't I, the mother of a 7 mos old T.D., be over this already? Because for me it's still on going. I live in fear of having to do anything with T.D. because I'm so not used to doing it. Either H, bless his heart, takes it on or I do it alone while she is with H at home or still in daycare. I chalk it up to inexperience and lack of practice. It's sad really. I feel that it's sad and pathetic. I'm not doing my job as a mother. I held my kid for 15 minutes yesterday. That's it. That is disgusting. I feel ashamed.

So here's the thing. I have a plan. I am willing to give all that up to stay home with T.D. To deal with the day in, day out care of that little despot and all her insane demands.

I want the red block!

Woman, get me the yellow block MOW!

Dog, little dog so sweet, come here so I can yank on your whiskers and laugh with glee while you cringe in pain. I am T.D.!!

I will give up my product whoriness, unless others want to send me things to try, seriously I will! I will try whatever you want to throw at me and write about them. I will buy less stuff, I will take less vacations or less glamourous ones. I swear I will! I will work my ass off freelancing, helping with our business and maybe even selling products on the side.

All to stay at home. And here's why. It's beyond that whole I want to be a stay at home Mommy thing. Because really I can't do just that. I need more for me and for T.D. I will find a balance in that mess. That is what is so sorely missing from our lives. The balance is gone. Our world is helter skelter. My marriage is quaking on it's once solid foundations. I find myself wondering if what was once so rock solid is now more jello-like in consistency. I don't think this will be an easy tansition for us by any means, but I know it's what needs to be done. I think that if we don't make this change I will crack up and our family will fall apart.

Last Thursday that day I "lost it"? That will keep happening. I can't keep up this pace. I can't keep this schedule. Therapy and drugs? Those things are not the answer. If I have to schedule one more thing like therapy or talk to someone about my problems I will scream and then be shipped off to a real sanitarium.

So tonight I will lay it all out on the table. If H reads this beforehand he will know what he is coming home to. I have a game plan. I am willing to sacrafice. My family is the most important thing to me and I feel I'm losing it and my marriage and I will not tolerate that. In my heart I know this is what we need to do and the rest really will figure itself out. Right?

Stay tuned....

October's Product of the Month

For October I'm doing one entire product line instead of various different 'Products of the Week'. The product this month is Arbonne.

Arbonne is a company that until a week or so ago I knew little about. I knew maybe one person who used the products. They always raved about the items they used and the great customer service but I myself hadn't really looked into. It's a Swiss company developed in 1975. That's a whole year older than me! They pride themselves on quality, value, results and being natural product company. Like Avon or Mary Kay they rely on Representativesto sell their wares. Their approach is that their products are "pure, safe and beneficial" to the user. I'm using the whole RE9 line for a week to see what Arbonne is like. I was even sent baby care products (also all natural), body wash, lotion and serum. It's been fun learning so far and I can't wait to see results.

Lost

You know that first week you get back from vacation? It seems like it lasts forever and is always much more stressful because, well it's not vacation. I had that week last week and Thursday I. Lost. It. Big. Time.

When we got back from Jamaica we immediately set about getting food back in the house, doing the mountains of laundry that accumulate and finishing the unfinished business of the house we are flipping. Add to that a regular work week and two nights of after work social plans, things we REALLY wanted to do, we should have known that is spelled Trouble with a capital T. The first one was a bit crazy with me running around the kitchen like a madwoman while H did things like folding laundry that I couldn't understand. Get your shoes off the table! Pick up your gym bag and put it away! Who cares about the laundry!!! But whatever, we had a good time. Thursday was a whole other bag of cats. Crazy cats with claws slicing through the bag whining and hissing to break free. Cats on crystal meth withdrawl.

The work day was just like any other. I suffered through a banal staff meeting. Put up with the crankiness of some co-workers. I was tired and dragging and had to have a latte at about 3 p.m. This is also when I realized that something I was working on was due to the customer on Monday. And I was off on Friday. Here I am supposed to be leaving in 30 minutes to go home and get ready for another social obligation and WHAM! I have to get this done. Crap! I did it without a moment to spare and I left 30 min. late. Not good. Not good at all.

Already ennervated I drove home where it began to rain. I live in the DC metro area where there is A LOT of traffic. It's obscene. People are crazy. When it rains it's not even a slow crawl but all out mayhem. I knew I was in for it when the droplets of water started hitting my windshield. I pressed on though, steeling myself from becoming a massive bunch of jumbled and crazed nerves. That lasted oh about 5 minutes. When it took me an additional 30 minutes to go 2 miles I started to cry and rage. I was really late now. H was nowhere near coming home. I had to pick up T.D. I got myself together and wiped away the tears and picked up that smiling face. Smiling face? Smiling face until she got into the car and started screaming like Hitler on acid. Arms flailing, screaming at the top of her lungs while I sat in the car stuck in more rain induced traffic and sobbed. That is when I truly lost it.

Lost it big time. While T.D. was in the car screaming over what I could not figure out. She had just been changed, she had a fresh bottle and a toys. What is wrong with her? I couldn't tell. The clock ticked further into the hour and my preciously small amount of time to get myself ready and T.D. slipped away. As I sat in that rain soaked mess of a road I sobbed. Great wracking sobs of stress and frustration at being back in this mess of a life going so fast. Vacation seemed eons ago. I screamed too. Oh yeah. Great loud screams that the other cars I'm sure could hear. This did not help the little inner environment of my car. I tried to get myself together for the sake of T.D. who was just crying harder now. I felt awful. She was a mess back there. I couldn't find a way to pull over. I just wanted to get home. I found my hands trembling and my body shaking as I continued to hiccup and cry. I had truly lost it. I thought, is this the PPD rearing it's ugly head? I thought I was over that. No, it wasn't the PPD. It was just me having a REALLY horrible day. Feeling all out of hope and wanting the day to be over. That I just can't take so much stuff now that we have T.D.

By the time we got home there was no time left to get ready. We needed to be leaving with our friends to go to our event. T.D. still needed to be fed and H was still not home. When I got T.D. out of her carseat I noticed what all the fuss was about. The poor kid had her bottle leak out all over her. The whold damn thing poured out on her leaving her a soaking wet mess. I felt so bad. I brought her inside, changed her and promptly headed to our neighbors to tell them that we simply could not go. Sorry, no dice tonight. Mummy is having a breakdown. I cried. I cried in front of them and a host of other people in their house. It was a truly awesome moment for me. Weaknesses all there for everyone to see.

H got home shortly thereafter and I couldn't even speak. I was too numb, ashamed, and saddened by how I had let myself lose it like that. I just fed T.D. and put her to bed. She was fine, now I needed to be.

I just want to know one thing. Has anyone else really lost it like this too? I try so hard to keep it together and sometimes it just gives. The dam bursts and I'm left shaking and soaked. I'm still trying to sort this whole thing out and feel like I'm not crazy.

Big Month

Can you believe it's October already? I can't. This is a big month here at the Mummy Chronicles. There's going to be some new things this month and it will also be the one year anniversary of this site. I can hardly believe my little experiment worked!

First, October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month. As some of you may know I'm going to be walking 26 miles in the Washington, DC Avon Walk for Breast Cancer. While the event itself isn't until May 2007 I need to begin my fundraising now. What better month to do so right? If you click on the title of this post you can go directly to my Avon Walk website, see photos, and my teams info, as well as donate a little bit of your hard earned cash to a wonderful cause. Avon donates a lot of time and money to this cause assisting underprivledged women who cannot get adequate health care to treat their cancer. To me there is no better reason to donate than that one. It's a good tax write off too if that's your thing.

Second, this month I will continue doing the 'Product of the Week' but I will be featuring just one product line. I've been asked to try out an entire skin care line. Being the product whore that I am (seriously a whole double sink worth of cabinet space taken up by products, put 3 draws) I readily agreed to take on this fun task. Each week I will let you know how it's going with the different items I'm trying out. This first week I'm doing the whole anti-aging line, there are baby products, body wash and some other fun things too. More info and product name to follow!

I'll keep posting on the rants, insane work situations, and my daily world of being a full-time working Mummy and anything else that won't make you run screaming from your screen.

Keep commenting (I LOVE hearing from you), reading and passing on the page. Thanks for reading!