Thursday, October 12, 2006


A dull ache like a constant thud, thud, thud is coming from behind my eyes. My eyelids feel as if they have broken up pieces of cheetos stuck underneath them and it hurts to blink. My face, my body, my brain are all tired. This week has been very long. The lack of sleep makes it so. I am making stupid mistakes just because I can't seem to find my needed allotment of REM.

H is on travel this week so I'm pulling double duty with T.D. In some respect it's been nice. I'm eating like I'm single again. No one there to stare at me as I eat stir fry with chopsticks while alternately heating Morningstar Veggie nuggets in a series of two's because I'm not ready to commit to four or even three nuggets at a time. When I burned two bagels in one day AND half a loaf of Italian bread only T.D. and the dog saw it. I can drink espresso all I want instead of the tooth achingly sweet hazelnut cream coffee H prefers. I don't even have to alternate days. It's nice! It's also a bit quiet and lonely so I'm glad he'll be home today.

However with being the only parent around my whole schedule changes. I get into work later, so I work later and get caught in more traffic thus pick up T.D. in all her non-reactive glory from day care later each day. Another few days with only 15 minutes with my kid that is only made acceptable because I know the end is in sight. I get less sleep because I think too much late at night without H there and my dog acts like a paranoid freak when he's not around. She will spend an entire evening sitting outside the basement door whining as if someone with an axe is right on the otherside waiting to get out. Thanks dog, thanks a lot. Really makes me feel safe. If I let her into the basement to squash my fears she only makes it worse by going to the crawl space behind the dryer where it's dark and forboding and whines over there. Some dude with a hook for a hand and rain slicker is surely waiting for me over there. I will then toss and turn all night long wondering when that slicker clad psycho is going to start hacking away at my bedroom door.

This lack of sleep makes me do dumb things. Like bring in baby wipes to school when they need diapers. Forgetting to take the car seat out of the car and leave it for H at daycare, yes we share a car seat, I know it annoys the crap out of me too. I will go to the gym and forget that I am not carrying gym clothes. I will go back to my office to get them and realize I have one sock packed, two shoes (different sneakers though) and a really embarrassing t-shirt packed in my gym bag. I will get the mail and then go back to check the mail a half hour later making my neighbors wonder about my sanity. I've even brushed my teeth in one bathroom and flossed in another for no apparent reason other than I'm losing my mind.

I keep getting up from my desk at work and walking around briskly as if I have something extremely important to do so I won't fall asleep. Can't wait for the slow drive home where I will amuse my fellow commuters as they watch me repeatedly smack myself in the face to stay awake. Oh yeah, I do that often.

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