Newsflash! Skittle Addicted Hamsters Break Free From Local Pet Store. Story at 11.

Random ramblings today because it's an ungodly hour. I am tired but my body just won't sit still long enough to actually sleep.

That title? It goes back to the days when email was brand spankin' new and to make each other laugh E and I would put titles like that in the subject line. I know. We were far older than five but it never failed to crack us up. And for some reason? Hamsters always factored in.

I didn't burn anything in effigy on my front lawn yesterday. I'm sure my neighbors were happy. I don't think they would find the humor in my burning anything, even Fall leaves, but especially not say, a red elephant or suspicious looking penguin type character.

TD wants to name her new baby sister Svetlana and I'm blaming it all on this blogger and her seductively cool purple penguin that she sent us.

We have preschool Open House this morning and I can't help but wonder if I'll meet any cool moms this year. Ones that won't look at me and say, "You do what? Blog? Oh, I've heard of those...." Then deem me "alternative" (judge much Mummy? Geez... take your tired ass back to bed,why don't you?) or some other such nonsense. What? You haven't met those people yet? I have. Often.

My cranky butt is ignoring the coffee this morning and going back to bed.

Scratch that idea, TD is up and running....



NEWS and NOTES-

Check out MPR's newest review, it's called Jooners and it is the auto-assured, for anyone and anything online scheduling program. To say that I love it is an understatement. Go! Sign up! It's free! It makes life a lot smoother! Especially for all of you with kids going back to school this month. Be the cool kid on the block for once and jump on this bandwagon!

Look where I popped up this week. To think that I am inspiring just blows my mind but THANK YOU! When you find yourself lying awake at four a.m. with writers block this does actually help.

In just days, you will be privy to some very exciting news too. Stay tuned!! Stuff is brewing!!

Toddler Pulled Over for DUI

I know. I know. I'm all about the weird news this week but this grabbed my attention this morning as I was driving myself down the road and T.D. was in the back seat. Not I might add, driving. Because, no matter how sick I might feel? I'm not letting that crazy kid drive my tank of a car. For reals folks this actually happened.

GOSHEN TOWNSHIP, Ohio -- GOSHEN TOWNSHIP, Ohio -- A police officer in Ohio said he pulled over a woman he suspected was driving drunk and found the woman's 1-year-old son steering the wheel, reported WLWT-TV in Cincinnati. Marya Green was pulled over Tuesday.

The officer said that when he came to the driver's window, he found Green's 1-year-old son at the wheel, sitting in Green's lap. Green, 29, registered a 0.11 percent blood-alcohol level. Two other children, ages 8 and 5, were also in the car. Green was arrested and faces charges of DUI, driving under OVI suspension, noncompliance and endangering children. Police said this is Green's third DUI arrest in six years. The children were released to their father.

OK, not to make light of the situation but um... why not choose the 8 year-old instead? That baby was probably like, "Geez, MOM! Not again! I know I'm cute and all but I can't be gettin' you out of tickets all the time!"

Random Question # 145

Am I alone in thinking this is incredibly sad? It is an election year people! We are using our economic stimulus checks to pay speeding tickets (oh. just me?) and pay down credit card debt not buying Posh Tot or Urban Baby chic paraphernalia.

From News of the Weird-

America in Decline: One of the Internet's successful Web sites (10 million page views a month, with $500,000 in ads from companies including Verizon, McDonald's and General Motors) is a site that merely reports on what celebrities' babies are wearing, in that so many mothers are apparently obsessed with mimicking those clothing choices for their own tots. A May Wall Street Journal feature said sometimes the site's posting a photo of a celebrity baby incites a nationwide run on what it's wearing. [Wall Street Journal, 5-10-08]

Um... this let me say, is not just terribly scary but terrifically so. We are in some sort of (it's not a recession) decline and yet this is where we go to for comfort? Because I'm thinking that is what it has to be. Comfort. A yearning for the good ol' days when we had butt-loads of disposable income or something. Because really, I could care less what Coco Cox-Arquette or is it Arquette-Cox and Baby Madden are wearing this summer season. I'm more concerned with gas prices, an upcoming election, the housing market and the cost of groceries (practically a years worth of college tuition).

Weigh in on this one. I'd love to hear your thoughts Internets.

The Wait Begins

There I sat. Tapping my feet, crossing and re-crossing my legs thinking how cruel the whole situation is. No magazines to read and distract me. What kind of doctors office has no magazines?! Relaxed low lighting and the tinkly, tinkle, tinkle sound of muzak plays in the background.

"Dear God! I hope they call my name soon!", I thought.

This is torture! There is nothing to distract me from my incredibly full bladder except John McCain on CNN droning on about the irresponsibility of people who bought homes beyond their means. He sounds like some old crone yelling at kids to get off his sidewalk or else. Every time he opens his mouth I truly try to listen and then realize, "Wait. I don't have to!" Besides he just sounds like a cranky old person who is always pissed about something. He looks like he would yell at you for touching the produce too long at the grocery store.

I look across the room at an old man as my molars begin to float away. He is on oxygen and cannot walk without the assistance of a person and a walker. OK, so maybe simply having to piss my brains out is not such a bad thing I think as I wonder if I have a case of the Jimmy legs. Maybe if I use that bathroom right next to me and pee just a little it won't matter. Maybe no one will know.

Finally, my name is called and I practically sprint after the woman realizing that we pass no less than three restrooms as we walk down the corridor to the darkened ultrasound room. "Poor thing, you look like you might have overdone it. You really have to go don't you?" Uh yeah lady. I really do and if we stop and chat in this hallway I might flood it soon and your leather loafers will be the first casualty so can we just get on with this?!

It is painful just to lie down at the table and I look at my swollen stomach thinking, "Yes. I definitely drank more than 24 ounces in an hour. Damn! This is its own form of water torture." Almost as soon as the warm goo is applied the tech declares me ineligible for this type of ultrasound. We need to do an internal. Kick ass. For that my bladder must be emptied. Faster than a cat on crack I jump off the table and run to the nearest bathroom. I think the entire office building heard my sighs of relief.

Back on the table and back in business my uterus pops up on the screen. There it is the tiny little egg sac. As small as a pencil eraser. It's too soon to tell if it is one or two which is partly why I am here in the first place. My due date? The other reason I am at this appointment, "Oh I'm sorry. I can't tell you that information", says the tech. "You'll have to wait for your regular doctor to give you that information..."

Now I just want to pee on her shoes in pure frustration and spite. I have two weeks until that appointment. Two weeks of wondering if it will be a Thanksgiving or a closer to Christmas baby.

Oprah Bans My Dog from Chi-Town

Overheard last night in my house.

H: Did you hear? Lex has been banned from Chicago by Oprah.

Me: What?! Chicago? Why? Did she make some disparaging remark about Obama?

H: Well... apparently she was a guest on Oprah and she said some things she shouldn't have to Ms. Harpo Productions and then peed on her chair right on stage.

Me: Seriously?! That's nuts! Oprah should know better than to have Lex on her show.

H: I know. It's sad. Now Oprah has banned Lex from her show and all of Chicago.

Me: Hm... Maybe Lex should think about getting in good with the beef industry now.


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Yes, from time to time H and I have these completely inane and ridiculous conversations about our dog, Lex's illicit and completely hellacious behavior. Usually involving some celebrity these conversations can take on epic proportions and involve running story lines. Lex has been to J.Lo's wedding to Marc Anthony, has partied with 50 Cent and tried in vain to counsel Nick and Jessica. She also drives a yellow Hummer that is always in the shop. Boston Terriers are notoriously bad drivers. Many times Lex is banned from areas, parties, towns, whole countries, and hot spots. She has even spent time with Cheney. Though he's a sore loser and Lex cheats at poker so Cheney won't play with her anymore.


ON A MUCH MORE SERIOUS NOTE-

It is with much sadness that I read about the passing of Dame Anita Roddick on September 10. Dame. Roddick is the founder of that wonderful store, The Body Shop. Beyond being my first foray catalog that I received in the mail as a teen and also my first experience with natural products, Roddick was a champion activist for not just environmental causes but many others including Amnesty International, political causes and women's rights around the world. I have always loved her products, stores, and philosophies.She will be greatly missed as she was and is downright inspiring. Visit over here for more.

Summer Crap and a T-Rex Invasion!

You can tell it's a slow news day when...

There are numerous stories not just about Paris Hilton's venture into the klink, but that her extensions were tightened before she went to the pokey. I'm scintillated with the thoughts.

They are still talking about A-Rod and his blonde bimbo and their fantabulous elevator ride. Silly me thinking there was actually real baseball to be talked about during baseball season.

The beaches are reported to be unsafe again this summer- Beware of the E.Coli on that pretty beach glass kiddies! For cripes sake people you can get E.Coli almost anywhere in this global hodge podge we call earth. Can't we just all watch 'Jaws' and think chummy thoughts?

Here's a real newsflash people, T.D. isn't harboring spirits of long dead dictators in her tiny soul, she is just breaking in three new molars. She also says Niet now. I'm worried. I fear a gulag might be constructed in our basement soon.

And finally, my house was invaded by tiny T-Rex's yesterday. I realized this when I was watching T.D. crash and burn throughout our house with another child from the 'hood yesterday. Little arms flailing, teeth gnashing as they careened precariously throughout the house screaming. They were like tiny T-Rex dinosaurs staking out their territory in the wilds of the living room. All small arms gesturing, teeth bared, and giant heads. "My farm! Not T.D.'s!" wailed one T-Rex, her short arms waving. Lunging forward head first and swinging, T.D. roared her incoherent baby babble back at this other T-Rex declaring the Little People farm hers. Actually she could have been yelling about needing a diaper change, but her English is a little unclear still. I learned that one T-Rex is enough for me especially when more than one diaper change is involved.