Overheards- Toddlers with Knives

Scene:  The dinner table.  TD, The Comedian, H and myself are seated and The Fifth Element is on the floor playing with toys while we eat.

H:  "We don't hold knives over babies!"  He says to The Comedian who is swinging her table knife* over the top of The Fifth Element's head as she plays down below. 

Especially not at the dinner table.  It's just bad manners.


*All knives used in the making of this post were dull and void.  No babies were actually harmed in the making of this post. 

Overheards- I am the Dog

Scene: The dinner table.

Me: "Ooh, Comedian you look so much like your Daddy!"

TD: "I look like my Daddy too! And you (pointing at me with her little plastic fork with much conviction), you look like the dog!"

H doesn't even try to stifle a laugh.

So what, this means I look like some white-muzzled, crotchety old Boston Terrier? That's just great.

Later that night H cannot resist petting me and saying, "Good dog, Vicky. Good dog." (Insert snickering from H here.) When I tell him I'm going to kick his teeth in he simply replies, "Nice doggie. Be a good dog." It continues like this for ten more minutes complete with jokes about no treats and being put in my cage for not listening.

And I wonder why I am having an identity crises.

The whole time this was happening all I could think of was this scene from 'When Harry Met Sally.'

We Don't Need No Stinkin' Wire Hangers

We've got plates! Yup, that's right. When Mummy gets mad in this house plates get broken. Sorry, Crate and Barrel. I guess dishwasher-safe is no longer enough. You need to start making Mummy-safe plates now too.

Behold, Exhibit A:


After a day of non-stop teething induced screaming and fretfulness from Dash Two, H calling to say he would be home "a bit late" and TD going into the classic terrible three meltdown mode I just lost it. I was cutting up tiny bite-sized pieces of steak for her and the screaming was just non-stop from everyone in the house. I yelled, "Enough!" and slammed the knife and fork down on the plate and it just cracked.

Can you tell I like my steak rare? Mmmm...blood.

Episode 7 of Exposed Brick is NOW! Seriously, if you aren't watching this you might as well crawl back under that rock of yours.

Old Biddies Need Not Apply

Dining out with kids. It's a tough situation. There are two sides to it and I'm always torn. In my pre-kid days I was less than tolerant to screaming children in restaurants. Running around? That was a definite no-no. Control that child.

Then, I had a kid. I realized that they are less than controllable 100% of the time. However, it doesn't mean that I believe that kids should be able to do or say what they want when in a public place like a restaurant. That being said, when you have five kids ages six and under (also known as not the best idea) plus four women who lunch at one table. There will be noise. You put four ladies who lunch together and there will be a downright ruckus. You add wine and you might as well shut the whole place down.

So lady with the helmet head much like ol' Mummy up there don't you be passive aggressively walking over to our table that is TWO rooms over from the main dining area of the restaurant (SEE we were thinking of others and stayed far away from the actual dining room)and glare at us and then just leave. I knew you weren't looking for a table. You just wanted to put in your two sense in, but your old biddiness didn't allow you to even crack a steely gaze our way. Then sending the poor harried restaurant owner over to say they had complaints? I understand, except that we were TWO rooms away from your secretary's butt. TWO ROOMS. TWO ROOMS with lots of shushing on our part and kids that were yes, rambunctious at times, but that doesn't mean that we should be relegated to fast food chains for life. It's a freakin' lunch cafe with grilled cheese on the menu and a side of chips is served with every meal! Drinks come in paper cups and plastic utensils are used! There are picnic tables involved! Fine Dining it is not.

I myself still can't grasp how I feel on this whole thing. If it had been me being the old biddy, I would have been annoyed, except that I couldn't be really because I would have realized that they women with kids had taken precautions. They had removed themselves from the main dining room. There were five kids involved (and I for one will NOT be doing that again unless it's at a Chucky Cheese type place-whew!) and after seeing all that I would have eased up. I also would not have blocked the exit way before hand when a woman with two kids and a diaper bag walked up to the entrance. Nor would I have blocked the stairway and sidewalk out front. Seriously. I'm not saying it because I have kids. I'm saying it because it's RUDE.

Don't mind me people I'm just pissed that parents are made to feel like dirt when at some point we all were kids. Parents who let their kids run wild in public have given those of us who don't a bad name and reputation. I have to fly with T.D. for the first time this week and I'm scared to death some old biddy will have us kicked off the plane because I haven't given her 'ludes before the flight.