It's Like I Don't Know My Own Blog Anymore

My brain is a bit fuzzy today. Probably from all the buzzing it has been doing this morning as I try and get a grasp on what this blog is really all about. See, I'm going to be on a little radio show this afternoon (2pm EST) called, Role Mommy and Friends.

I just know that the big question will be what this blog is all about and quite frankly I'm still trying to figure that one out. MPR has the reviews. And sure, I have issues that I hold near and dear and write about from time to time but it's not like I have some sort of niche. Not unless you count the daily tightrope act that I do where I try not to be a diabolical cross between Bree van de Kamp and Mommie Dearest.

I'm having a bit of an identity crises lately. How do you see this blog? Why do you read it? Help me Internets, you are my only hope.

Oh, and don't forget to listen to my nervous laughter on Role Mommy and Friends today.

Angsty Pregnant Blogger Goes to a Conference

Today I'm off to the beautiful land of New Jersey to seek out the answers to infant and toddler sleep patterns, all that is new in J&J products and if I wasn't pregnant to drink a little.

Now don't get me wrong, I'm excited to go. Happy to be invited. Thrilled to be carpooling with this crew. But when H asked me this morning if I was packed and ready to go, all pumped up to talk to other bloggers I said, "eehhh..I'm more concerned about food. When will we eat? Will there be snacks? I forgot to buy crackers. I know were talking about sleep issues with kids, will there be nap time for me?"

Seriously. This is what it comes down to. A tiny being smaller than a grain of rice is making me nauseous as hell right now and I'm playing it moment by moment most days. It sucks. I've already uttered, "This is the last time we are doing this!" to H. I am a jumble of nerves the first trimester. I worry about how things are incubating, if there is a heartbeat, will I puke in some bloggers car, and will the smell of the hotel be alright with my finicky nose. Until last night the smell of H made me gag.

I feel like Debbie Downer as I waver between exhaustion and wondering how I get off this ship because surely that is why I feel like I'm swaying to and fro. I can eat my weight in fruit loops (without milk please, adding milk makes them taste like cheese) right now which in a house usually filled with Kashi and Special K is truly and oddity. It's official fruit loops are crack to toddlers and my kid is never coming back from this.

Still the old me is lurking around somewhere beneath the nausea and is excited to go.

He Works for the Government. He can't be Fired.

A funny thing happened to me on the way home the other day. Cue drum. Ba dum bum.
I was in the Charlotte airport waiting to board my plane when a man caught my eye. Not like that! He looked familiar. Had I sat across from him in some banal meeting at Company A many months ago? Hmm... I just couldn't shake this feeling.

I boarded the plane and there he was sitting right next to me. Fate? Now I never strike up conversations with strange men but I was just couldn't let go of the idea of how familiar this guy looked to me so I spoke up. Turns out the guy lives in my neighborhood and we have probably seen each other around town. Nothing big. Then he threw out there that he used to work for the Department of Defense.

"Me too." I replied.
"Oh well I worked in the Hoffman Building." He answered, as if I wouldn't know it.
"Wow. So did I!"
"I worked in the wage department you probably..." I interrupted him right there. "SO DID I!"

The year I was born this man took the job that I would later have as my first job out of college. He started out with the same people who would later be the higher ups when I got there. We worked with many of the same people. Including my evil boss. The man who punished me (yes,really), made other women cry daily and basically caused so much grief I left after 11 months and filed a sexual harassment report. That job while it had some great moments (loads of travel with other early twenty-somethings)was a nightmare. It spoiled me for a long time. I was so warped on what a boss should be like and how you should conduct yourself in an office it was awful. He would ask us to wear low-cut shirts and short skirts. He would punish us with no work and keep us from office get togethers and travel just because we denied him entry into our hotel rooms. He was a monster.

I relayed this briefly to this man I didn't know on a crowded plane and you know what? He understood. He had to deal with it too. He dealt with the women in his office for years suffering under this jackass. He eventually left partially due to this same man. The coincidence of it all was just so bizarre. After more conversation it was relayed to me that old boss-man isn't faring so well. He is in fact dying. This is quite sad. It is sad in the sense that a human being is suffering and so is the family around him that loves him. He has children who love him. Can I deny that the idea of 'you reap what you sow' crossed my mind? No I cannot. It flashed like a neon sign in my brain for quite some time. Is that wrong?

For years this man emotionally and mentally mind-f*cked women. He berated them and made them feel as low as dog sh*t on the bottom of one's shoe. Lower even. Countless people left their jobs at this office because of this man. But as H said last night, "He can't be fired, he works for the government." It's true. When I filed my complaint he had 23 years in and all he got was a slap on the wrist. A tap really. When I filed about seven other women came forward that very same day and that was all he got. A verbal reprimand. Nothing more.

It's all water under the bridge now. I marveled at what a small world it is on meeting this man who looked familiar but I am simply amazed at the coincidence we share and the sameness of our situation. It makes me sad that a government such as ours, an office that modern, could employ and keep such a Cretan for so long. How powerless we all felt in that situation as women. Young women.

Today I fight the urge to feel a sense of righteousness over the outcome of it all. Now he officially cannot return to work. It's like a comedic tragedy playing out right in front of me.




* On a much lighter note see this great review for Effie's Heart. Kimo's clothing is to die-for. I am in love with the red coat! Also, I'll be a guest on Motherhood Uncensored's radio show tonight at 9 p.m. with featured guest, author Ann Dunnewold, of Even June Cleaver Would Forget the Juice Box. An amazingly helpful book folks so check us out tonight.