Tuesday, October 26, 2010

Spit Up in the Grass

They say the grass is always greener on the other side.  I say this because despite knowing all its thorns and prickles I envy the Mom's who drop off their kids at the bus stop each day only to pick them up eight hours later. What leisure and bliss!  Errands without unlatching car seat straps!  Time to work without interruption or blocks being lobbed at your head! 

Then again, I'm sure that to some it seems that I'm the greener grass.  Someone must think that, right?  Please tell me they do to save me my sanity.  Heh.  I'm here to dispel that fairy tale.  Today, for example, is a prime candidate for destroying myths. 

Scene 1- The Halloween gel sticker decorations we placed on the window yesterday afternoon?  The Comedian ate them.  Yes, ate them.  "CANDY!" she proclaimed as I tried to take a slimy pumpkin stem from her mouth.  "Ball!" she cried as she lobbed one of my neighbors spooky pumpkins off their front step for the millionth time that week.

Scene 2-As I nursed The Fifth Element I heard a plastic rustling sound.  This can't be good.  The dog's collar jingled in hot pursuit of whatever the sound was originating from.  The Comedian was babbling to herself in a corner of the kitchen.  She rounded the corner a few minutes later with a block of cheese in hand, finger marks all over it with many bites taken out.  Saliva and possibly dog teeth marks covered it too.  I bent to retrieve it as The Fifth Element doused me with copious amounts of spit up.  Do I still try and grab for the dog/child eaten cheese block or do I clean up the baby and myself from the vomit?  Wardrobe change! 

Somewhere in this house is my coffee cup.  Somewhere.  I can't find it but when I do I'm sure it will be because I have followed the trail of a suspicious coffee-colored stain on some carpet.  I really wanted that coffee too.

Before any of this happened today, before preschool drop off, errands and laundry with bits of work squeezed in there was this start to the day, "MOM! Why do I smell dog poop in the house?!"  Eeeehh. Mother Effing dog.  That damn dog!  Hmm... could it be because the dog decided to just crap in the living room?  Yeah, that would be it.  It's going to be a kick ass day.

I just realized I forgot about the cheese block.  I have no idea where that block of cheese is now residing.  Want to come over?

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