Verizon Customer Service is No Friend of Mine

Cross-posted and archived from DC Metro Moms.  Original post date February 15, 2008.

Scene: My home, afternoon, precious nap time/work minutes ticking away. I am on deadline. My Internet connection goes down and after fiddling with it all day I decide to call Verizon.




After spending a few minutes on hold I am finally put through to a person who doesn't sound like she is from halfway around the world. Is this even possible? That has never happened before! Yet, her voice does sound suspiciously not human. I've verified my name, number, address, H's name, my third cat's birthday and how old I was when I learned to ride a bike and I think, "Are we done yet?"

Customer Service Rep: Please state your telephone number again ma'am.

V: 875-3425.

CSR: Is that 759-3324?

V: No, (tight smile forms on my face) 875-3425.

CSR: 875-3427? Is that correct?

V: N00... 8 7 5 3 4 2 5

CSR: Let me make sure I have this correct. 875-3425.

V: YES!

CSR: OK ma'am, do you have an alternate number in case this line goes down?

After a repetition only slightly more painful she gets the second phone number correct. I have already silently asked the phone if she is on crack and pulled the phone away from me to glare at her from a far.


CSR: OK ma'am, what seems to be the problem? Your phone line?

V: Uh..no. It's my Internet connection. That is why I called the DSL hot-line. It says it is working but when I repair it the computer says it is my provider not the computer. All systems are go on the router and modem.

CSR: What color is the modem?

V: Seriously? It's beige.

CSR: Beige? (this color seems to have confounded her) Beige..., she mutters, as if she has no idea what color I am talking about.

V: Or tan? Ecru? Maybe a light grey? There is a slightly toasty look to the top now from having the router on top of it. (oops)

CSR: Are you the wife of H ma'am?

V: (What the.. weren't we just talking about my modem?) Yessss.....

CSR: What lights are blinking on the router ma'am?

V: All of them. The ethernet, the ready light and the power light.

CSR: The power light, the ready light, the Internet light and the USB?

V: USB? No. (Never mentioned this light and I repeat them for her twice)


At this point she starts asking about lights that I've never heard or seen on the router. We go through the same rigmarole that we did with the phone number. I'm on her to game. She just wants me off the phone. She wants me so frustrated that I hang up and never call Verizon support again. She has even begun to snicker at me when I repeat things back to her for the third time.

CSR: You are using a phone right ma'am?

V: WTH? Yes. I am using a phone. That's how people call each other these days. Those new fangled telly-phone dee-vices.... Ugh.

I am now crawling on my knees as she has instructed pulling on cords and wires. I am out of breath and very annoyed. She keeps getting the terms router and modem confused causing all sorts of calamity. As I get up off the floor I notice dog poop.

Dog poop.

When was the dog in here because this just happened. As I listen to CSR yammer on about wires and connections I silently curse my dog and begin to clean up the mess. At this point I have shut off everything, turned it on, shut if off, and turned it on again. I type in some ridiculous website address and am asked.

CSR: Do you see the map ma'am?

V: Yes! yes I do! (I'm starting to feel like I might in an episode of Lost) Do I touch a button? What does the map mean?

CSR: Close it down ma'am. You don't need to mess with the map. Now shut everything off again.

V: Are you messin' with me lady? What is the map for? I need to know!

CSR: Don't worry about the map. You'll see it again.....

She has established that my DSL connection and modem are fine. My computer is fine. The router is not her problem or her company's so she blames it on them and says all is fixed. Except I still don't have my WIFI and I don't work on the desktop. Forty minutes and 34 seconds of work/nap time are gone. Poof!

CSR: Ma'am, on a scale of one to ten would you recommend Verizon customer service to a friend or family member?

V: Just leave me alone... Haven't you done enough to this family today? Just tell me what the map means....




Comments




Jill Asher said...


Ok, now I am scared... I JUST switched over my cell phone service from Sprint to Verizon. We had to do this because my husband was not getting SPRINT coverage in his new office, and absolutely needed to be able to use his cell phone at work.






I have to say, switching over was somewhat painless - though now I am scared that if something goes wrong, I will have to deal with something similar.... Ugh.


Reply February 17, 2008 at 09:50 AM Amy@UWM said...


Hilarious...um...I mean...outrageous! Totally wrong!!! Bad Verizon.






Had to laugh, though, because it's usually when I'm screwing around with my router that I find the dog poop in my house.


Reply February 17, 2008 at 04:30 PM Nita said...


Lets not even get me started on my Verizon FIOS customer service experiences! Needless to say, I had local media interested after receiving my $1200 bill last year. Also, I have been trying for 3 months to return 2 cable boxes to no avail....






I got Vonage for my home phone. I only keep the internet service because my engineer husband would kill me if he lost his speed.


Reply February 18, 2008 at 10:08 PM Charissa said...


I had problems when I first signed up for the big V. I kept calling they would tell me the same thing, shut off computer, check connection, etc.. Well long story short after two weeks of trying to get things up and going they decide that there was a problem on their end, and then abmb I had a connection. I was feed up with them at this point and was threating to cancel, they gave me 3 months free to stay on. I agreed and haven't had any problems since. Nock on Wood..


Reply March 05, 2008 at 06:40 PM Bianka said...


We have Verizon internet service.. My husband has spent a grand total of about 6 hours on hold waiting for a "tech guy".. once a 2 hour stretch in one sitting. Still haven't gotten results.


Yesterday I saw a commercial for PREMIUM VERIZON CUSTOMER SERVICE for $14.99 a month.. yes, they are asking you to PAY FOR CUSTOMER SERVICE. I am fed up with them and will soon be switching to another provider.