Monday, April 20, 2009

They Call it the Gates of Hell


I forgot how the air smelled here. It's quite pleasant really. I can't even describe it. I also forgot how long the roads seem out here in the desert even after having my favorite version of Tom Yum soup (like ambrosia from the gods, I swear). Then after getting stuck in Coachella traffic, being in the sitting position for the last ten hours and banging around two airports, I wanted to hurt someone. The arid desert landscape was not renewing my senses either. It's a beautiful 98 degrees here.
I drove by our first house that we had left six years previous and my old office. As I drove by old haunts I realized that the 'not comfy in my own skin', extreme loneliness feeling I had when I lived here was overcoming me again. I missed my family and immediately wanted to hear TD and The Comedian's laughter to bring me back to reality. When we lived here all H and I had was each other. It was a great way to start our marriage. Then he left for Iraq and most days I felt as if I might was well have been living on the moon. Far from H, far from home and family, far from everything I knew and loved. The isolation was palpable and painful. I wanted out of this place and fast. Now I find myself back here again.
It's only for a day. I'll survive. Tomorrow I'll be engrossed in work, wrapped up in the lives of other people and before I know it I'll be headed back home hankering for some more of that Tom Yum soup. If only I could find it a bit closer to my front door.
And really? The gates of hell are not here. It's more like a town called Wonder Valley or Amboy (poulation 16).

3 comments:

  1. It's always strange to go back to old haunts - especially when you were thrilled to be gone from them in the first place.

    Sorry to have missed you during your short trip. Have a safe flight home!

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  2. Love the meth houses of Amboy. My friend told me that Charles Manson did something out there-ooooh fun!

    Do you get your soup at that chinese place (that I can't remember the name of) that serves taco rice on Mondays?

    Glad it's just one day. Makes you see how far you've come, right?

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  3. People and places from time gone by can evoke some strange and heartwarming memories for sure.

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