Monday, April 20, 2009

They Call it the Gates of Hell

I forgot how the air smelled here. It's quite pleasant really. I can't even describe it. I also forgot how long the roads seem out here in the desert even after having my favorite version of Tom Yum soup (like ambrosia from the gods, I swear). Then after getting stuck in Coachella traffic, being in the sitting position for the last ten hours and banging around two airports, I wanted to hurt someone. The arid desert landscape was not renewing my senses either. It's a beautiful 98 degrees here.
I drove by our first house that we had left six years previous and my old office. As I drove by old haunts I realized that the 'not comfy in my own skin', extreme loneliness feeling I had when I lived here was overcoming me again. I missed my family and immediately wanted to hear TD and The Comedian's laughter to bring me back to reality. When we lived here all H and I had was each other. It was a great way to start our marriage. Then he left for Iraq and most days I felt as if I might was well have been living on the moon. Far from H, far from home and family, far from everything I knew and loved. The isolation was palpable and painful. I wanted out of this place and fast. Now I find myself back here again.
It's only for a day. I'll survive. Tomorrow I'll be engrossed in work, wrapped up in the lives of other people and before I know it I'll be headed back home hankering for some more of that Tom Yum soup. If only I could find it a bit closer to my front door.
And really? The gates of hell are not here. It's more like a town called Wonder Valley or Amboy (poulation 16).


  1. It's always strange to go back to old haunts - especially when you were thrilled to be gone from them in the first place.

    Sorry to have missed you during your short trip. Have a safe flight home!

  2. Love the meth houses of Amboy. My friend told me that Charles Manson did something out there-ooooh fun!

    Do you get your soup at that chinese place (that I can't remember the name of) that serves taco rice on Mondays?

    Glad it's just one day. Makes you see how far you've come, right?

  3. People and places from time gone by can evoke some strange and heartwarming memories for sure.


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