I'm the Dumb Ass

Holy canned creamed corn dogs do I hate February. Well, doesn't that just sound like a hot mess of something you don't want anything to do with? Really, I try to be optimistic about it even going so far as to read this post about finding the positives in February. It's TD's, my grandmother's and my father's birthday. It's Valentines day too. A day I used to champion with the line, "V-Day. It's better than D-Day."

However, it is always this month that I begin to feel itchy in my skin. While the days are shorter they feel endlessly long and tiring. My brain ceases to function and I'm always sick. My work suffers as does my soul (isn't that dramatic?). I lose any of the motivation I had in January and all I want to do is curl up on the couch and read a good book. In a sense I just want to hibernate. Even the sunlight seems to sell out during this month. It's cheap looking. What E and I used to call, 'K-Mart lighting." As if it was a blue light special or something. I want to be outside but when I get out there I want to flee back into the warm, ice-free indoors. My attitude is much like a light switch being flicked on and off continuously creating your own personal strobe light effect. Wheee!!! Isn't' this fun. Um.. no, not so much.

Yesterday, I felt better. The cold was going away and I felt in control of things. I got things accomplished and felt rested. Today? Not so much. I awoke this morning feeling night of the living dead tired. An industrial-sized bottle of Gummi vitamins being shaken in my face. TD's newest obsession. The girl is healthy, I'll give her that. I had been up no less than three times last night and I felt like I was back in some sort of sorority pledge hazing ritual. The only thing missing was a constant loop of the song, 'Cotton-Eye Joe' being played in the background. The cold is back on and I just want to burrow under the covers and hope that when I come out from under them it will be sunny and 70. The lack of sleep and the constant feeling under the weather thing is not helping my frame of mind. I find myself day dreaming about long hours of uninterrupted sleep, warmer days and actually having the motivation to herd us all to the gym. I hate the way I look and feel right now and yet without the key component of a good nights sleep I don't feel as if I'm ever going to get better. Sleep is a carrot. I'm the dumb ass who is pulling the cart. I'm constantly walking ahead trying to grab that juicy carrot and take a big bite.