Thursday, October 16, 2008

At a Loss

My friend's mother is dying. I've been getting the updates on a regular basis the last few weeks, then days and now hour by hour as it doesn't look like she is going to make it through the day. I want to be there for her in any way that I can but I feel at such a loss in this department.

I don't even handle my own grief well. When I'm at a funeral, even for someone very close to me, I do the multiplication tables in my head so I won't cry. I am loathe to cry in front of my family. I feel other family members do it enough for all of us.

Hugs to do not flow easily from my arms. Kind words with no trace of sarcasm or making one laugh also do not happen very often. The loss of ones mother is something I cannot fathom and wish I could handle better for both of us. I want to say and do the right things and yet I feel so silent each time another update comes. I just listen and wonder, "Is this what she needs?" I watch TD construct a picture for her so "she won't feel so bad about her mommy being sick." My two year-old knows what to do better than I.

In my heart I'm hugging her and saying all the right things. It is how to convey that in reality that I have a trouble with.


  1. Sometimes listening is all people need. She is your best friend- you get each other so you'll know what she needs when she needs it. And she probably already knows this about you - a random sarcastic remark at a funeral probably won't surprise her either.
    Don't try to hard - she just needs her friend so be her friend - not somebody you aren't.

  2. Lindsay put it well. I was going to put it:
    "It's not so much as what you do, is how you be" ;) Just being there with your heart and ears open is more than enough. My heart goes out to her and you.

  3. A wise mentor once told me that there is nothing you can say -- you can only be there.


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