Friday, June 27, 2008

Dude, It's Just Heavy




All things that swirl around in my brain and that H and I need to do since his lay off last week. While it has only been a week in some ways it feels like a lifetime. The man is working his butt off on the job search and has come to the conclusion that he isn't sure if he wants to stay in his current field which leaves us to -

Focus, communicate and regroup.

We are going away this week for our planned vacation in sunny, beachy New England. While H feels incredibly guilty and embarrassed at the fact that he is taking a vacation while jobless this trip could not come at a better time. We'll be staying with my family so it's free and the grandparent childcare will give us the time we need to -

Regroup, communicate and focus

on what our next steps will be with our entire lives. Do we can the house flipping business for now? Does H stay in his current career? WTF is going on with mine and should I just cut myself some slack and take a bit of a breather? Enjoy the summer and this impending birth? Possibly so. I know that if I do that I need someone to tell me it is OK to do that. I can't seem to just make that decision myself without my Type-A persona kickin' my ass and telling me I'm a lazy so and so.

All this makes life incredibly heavy. Way heavy. The fact that no income is coming in makes life feel like a giant clock ticking away. The grains of sand in the hourglass are the days of our lives indeed. And insurance coverage.

As a couple we need to do the three things I keep discussing. Right now we are just not in sync with each other. Each one feeling that the other wants nothing to do with the other one. Each one feeling neglected and put upon. We are becoming scorekeepers and that is just not cool man. As H said, "It feels like too much effort right now." Isn't it that way in a relationship at various points? I believe so but that does not make it any easier when you are smack in the middle of that point in your relationship. I often think of Ronald Reagan's marriage advice, "A couple should be 50/50, but sometimes that is not possible and one partner will be doing 90 while the other 10. If a marriage is working both partners understand that inevitably that will flip flop and eventually right itself to 50/50 again." I'm para-phrasing but they didn't call that man the Great Communicator for nothing.

And Dash Two. My feelings about this new child have been a disaster of emotions from day one when I was excited beyond belief to the dismay and unbelievable hurt I've felt at the lack of excitement and downright disappointment this child has had in our extended family. Sorry, we don't make boys, but um... could you fake it perhaps? I already feel like a burden about having a kid while we are both not working. I don't need to feel that its not wanted. I want to be excited but its hard when I still get sick almost daily and am more tired than I've ever been in my life and feel that this child is an afterthought. To combat this, today I did what they say is such a faux-pas- I registered.

Yes, I know. No showers for second babies. Especially, if you have the same sex already. Bite me. This kid needs to be lauded and if making an online list helps me get excited and organized so that I can keep track of what we need, then so be it. While I can often be all about the etiquette there is also a time to break the rules. Now is that time.

Summer time and the livin's easy...I wish.


  1. No showers for second kids? Especially if they're the same sex? I've never heard that before. How stupid. Like it's not important and doesn't deserve presents? And screw anybody who is disappointed by the sex of the baby. Those people suck. It's a baby! Babies = happy!

    I have yellow fever. I'm crabby.

  2. Oh, trash those silly "social rules". Do people outside of prissy Park Avenue even think like that anymore? I don't know...maybe I'm just a backwoods bumpkin, but shoot....why NOT have a shower for a second baby? I have two kids, and have NEVER had a I say SHOWER ON GIRL!!!! Especially under the circumstances....celebrate the baby and get free stuff :-) Sounds good to me.

    I do hope SOMEthing opens up for you guys soon. I know you're both carrying way too much weight on your shoulders...

  3. Shower on and add more to the list! :)

  4. Anonymous8:49 PM

    We have two precious girls and my husband and i wouldn't want it any other way. They are so sweet to each other (except the usual sibling fussing:( Confession: when pregnant with the first I wanted a boy. Now I can't imagine life without pink, pink and more pink! SHOWER this baby girl with love and presents!

  5. Anonymous9:00 PM

    two words: Girls rock! We have two that are wonderful. Confession: when pregnant with the first i wanted a boy. When pregnant with the second I didn't really care about the gender b/c I had learned that a child is a gift that is given to you. SHOWER love and presents on baby girl 2!

  6. Anonymous9:01 PM

    We have two precious girls and my husband and i wouldn't want it any other way. They are so sweet to each other (except the usual sibling fussing:( Confession: when pregnant with the first I wanted a boy. Now I can't imagine life without pink, pink and more pink! SHOWER this baby girl with love and presents!

  7. House flipping? Time for new strategies. I cut my teeth on Lease Options which it's a great market for now. My hubby has finally been bit by the RE bug and is reminding me of shortsales, bird dogging and wholesaling. All strats that weren't F's strong suit (IMHO), who H & I were influenced by. When you guys get back from your trip maybe we can meet and talk about RE and other wealth creation ideas?

  8. My family offered me a shower with baby #2. I didn't really need anynything. I registered a few things I wanted, and the focus of the party was really to "welcome the baby." I got a few un-needed things (bottles, clothes) that I donated to the Women's crisis center. None of the guests objected.

  9. It must be the no-job thing, because there's been some serious tension between Aaron and I over the last week, and we rarely fight.

    You know we have two girls, and are perfectly happy with them. Some family members were disappointed when they found we were having another girl, but we're no longer talking to those family members so it all worked out.

    And I think you do deserve a second shower! Why should the second child be refused a celebration to welcome her?

  10. Showers for second babies? I think this baby needs one, and you need it even more. I wish you much luck...and a relaxing, if possible, vacation.


Thanks for commenting! It's always good to hear from a reader and not say, a robot.