What Gives?
I found an old post the other day from back in the day. OK, it was just 2006 but it was all about Unrealistic Expectations. I wrote the following lines, "As it stands right now H & I are pretty even. I would hate it though if
suddenly I'm a haus frau with T.D. hanging on me AND I'm trying to get creative
and write. It ain't happening. Something has to eventually give."
Snort.
Looking back now and seeing where I am, I realize that um, that is exactly where I am. The only difference being that now I am trying to wrap my brain around how I'll do all those little errands, be a nice mother, make that a sane mother and wife (who remembers to affectionate), be a writer who makes a living and take care of an infant and toddler. Whew! It is no wonder we women think we have to be Super Woman just to get by.
The last week has had me knee-deep in the trenches of motherhood as I potty train T.D. My girls wants to potty time all the time , potty all the time in our house right now. Potty 24/7. I am literally cleaning up crap all day long and if you add in the dog debacle this week I might actually be knee-deep in piss and sh*t. All this while trying to construct a rate structure for a job, look for more work and wonder if I am possibly insane.
I no longer wonder if the ratio of who is doing what in our house is fair or really if he is doing his share. In our house, the rule is this, "marriage is 50/50 but sometimes, it just can't be. Sometimes one spouse is doing 90 while the other does 10 or visa versa and if it is a good working marriage it will even out in the long run." There is no keeping score or shouldn't be. H works his tail off and still manages to be an affectionate, loving, thoughtful spouse and father more often than not. Still, I often wonder as I look at him, if I'm doing enough to pull the weight. Especially when the house goes undusted, the laundry monster rears its ugly head or library books are painfully overdue. So while, I hate feeling haus frauish and that my put together look is a thing of the past (makes me cry just thinking about it) it seems I'm only keeping score against myself and that doesn't do anyone any good. What gives in the end has been me and I'm as shocked as anyone else. I've never felt less together in my life.
Right on! I'm embarassed to say I lugged BAGS of laundry to the laundr-o-mat today (baseball cap and all to cover an unshowered head) to "catch up" because it got so bad. My strudy 1985 Whirlpool could by no means keep up with what was piling up in my room. My significant other showed up with the kids and helped. THEN we all went food shopping. I thought I was doing it all on my own, but I guess he could see that I had reach my breaking point.
ReplyDeleteOh Vicky I feel your pain. If we had a dollar for all the things we said we'd never do or become... I just wrote a posting about this very thing, I think among moms, whether they stay at home, work from home or work outside the home, don't we all feel like there's always more to do or better ways we could have used our time. But mothergood is usually puttin one fire out after another no matter how organized you are.
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