Monday, August 07, 2006

Unrealistic Expectations

Recently H and I have been discussing the future of our little family unit more so than we have in the past. This is mainly because we would really like it if I could stay home and work from there and be with T.D. more. This is our goal and we've been trying to take steps to get there as much as possible. Be it a new budget or taking on extra work whatever. Then I get an email from a friend the other day that made me wonder, if I'm home all the time what are H's expectations of me concerning the actual house. How much housework, errands, etc would I be taking on or did he expect me to do because I'm home. Even if I'm working and taking care of T.D. (who as of late has become extremely demanding between the hours of 1-4 a.m.)

There was a time in our marriage, in the very beginning, where I was unemployed for many many long moons. I loathed it. I got fat, eating cookies and watching Oprah and crap tv. I baked non-stop. We were in a new area and I knew no one. A girl can only clean so much. H would come home and I expected him to help with the dishes after dinner or do a load of laundry. His theory was if I was unemployed then my job was to be a full time housewife. ICK! Not my thing. I'm not a slob but it's pretty damn boring and hard to find satisfaction in doing the same tasks over and over again. With no kids to add to the mix and create unexpected adventures staying at home is boring in a desert town with only a Jack in the Box to "do lunch". As much as I loved Jack in the Crack it doesn't cut it.

This all brings me to you readers- do you feel that too much is expected of you even if you work full time, have kids or don't? Does one spouse seem to do more than the other?

As it stands right now H & I are pretty even. I would hate it though if suddenly I'm a haus frau with T.D. hanging on me AND I'm trying to get creative and write. It ain't happening. Something has to eventually give.


  1. We've had that talk--because I'm at home, or because I'm a woman, is it my job to do all the housework? Mike doesn't want me to feel like a housewife. He knows I'm working full-time. He does any chore that I ask him to do, but what bugs me is that I instinctively clean out the cat box, wash dishes, do laundry, etc. It rarely occurs to Mike to do these things automatically. And I don't think it's because he thinks chores are "woman's work." I really think it just doesn't cross his mind to do these things. He gets caught up in projects and forgets everything else. He's gotten much better about helping to clean up after dinner, so that's a start.

  2. Same in our house. There are things I totally do over and over and H doesn't notice. Then again he does things too I never "notice." But sometimes I feel that if I have to fill the coffeemaker one more time I might go insane.


Thanks for commenting! It's always good to hear from a reader and not say, a robot.