Tuesday, September 25, 2007

Desk Jockey

Recently there have been talks brewing in these here parts of me going back to work. It's all a bit fuzzy and I think I was drinking something called a Tropical Typhoon when the subject came up. I can't be sure as it was a Typhoon.

I know. Going back to work you say? What about all those awful hours you put in under sometimes heinous circumstances? What about the commute? What about the asshat?! Don't you remember the asshat?! I hear you people. I hear you loud and clear. I'm not so far removed from it all yet. Truthfully the desire to go back to being a desk jockey is not at all strong. In fact, I am content to never see another set of gray cubicle walls or smell the stench of burned Maxwell House ever again if possible. It was just last week I told a friend, the only way I'm ever going back to work outside of the house is as a writer. Plain and simple. Nothing else.

Mainly, the question is, what about T.D.? What about all the other possible Dash Two Future Dictators I could spawn? I'm sure the asshat thinks spawn is the proper word for me too. Didn't I make the decision to work from home and try this writing thing out so I could be with T.D. more and help pull our family from the crash and burn wreckage it had become? Yes, I did. So why go back? Why Groundhog day myself?

I was made an interesting offer last week and I feel really conflicted. It's an offer that effectively has me writing my own ticket and working from home. A real salary. A job so far from what I ever thought I would be doing but that could quite possibly be a giant step into something I could really enjoy. Truth is, I've never worked with a group of people that actually think I have talent. That appreciate my efforts and hear my ideas. I've only ever worked with ass clowns and pervs. Sad, but true. It was that realization that had me downing the Typhoon. It was then that I realized that in all my working life I have never been taken for my abilities. Sure I've been promoted and been told, "Good job!" here and there but for the most part my working career has been rife with sexual innuendos, harassment's of various natures, and a lack of a good role model.

There was one exception to this string of malcontent jobs, and oddly in the same realm of work I would be doing if I took this new offer. Whether it was the fact that it was an office full of women I don't know, but our male boss was extremely sensitive and PC. For once I enjoyed PC. For once I went to work without wondering if my breasts or ass would be discussed right in front of me. For once I knew no one was going to ask about my sex life with my husband or if there was a lack thereof that they could "remedy". It was nice. It was more than nice, I felt competent and valued. Then the economy tanked and I lost my job. Such is life.

I discussed this all with H as I was just realizing it at that moment, as I stared down the giant strawberry from the Typhoon. Do I want to go back to work in an actual position and not freelance? I wouldn't be writing so much and we would have to get childcare. More discussion has to come from this on all sides in order for me to make an informed decision. However, that offer? It made me really appreciate what I've created and realize that I needed to step back and figure out what works for me and what doesn't in a work environment. It's a bit liberating I have to say. I'll be discussing it more here shortly.

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