Thursday, April 28, 2011

My Name is Vicky and I am Type A.

There are days where you just have to stop and collect yourself and yesterday was one of them. It wasn't a Ferris Beuller, "Sometimes you just have to stop and look around for a while." moment either. It was more like a "Damn! My shit is all apart and if I don't get a moment to myself my little Type A personality is going to go fuck nuts, ham-sandwich crazy."

Short version-

The Fifth Element is teething? Has an ear infection? I wish I knew. Is on a nursing strike. Just feels like screaming at me to prove she is way more of a dictator than her older sister. Mussolini, I believe you have met Stalin? The world's most serious baby has decided she is sick of the family declaring her "mild, sweet and third baby." Nope. It is all anger management with her these days.

The Comedian sensing that things are amiss with Daddy on a two week long business trip has taken to hiding in the dust bunny underbrush that populates the area behind my bed's headboard. Back there she writes on walls, eats chapstick and plans world domination. Every once in a while she comes out pantsless demanding "Nack! Nack! Dabah!" Decoders are working hard day and night to figure out just what it is she is saying.

Meanwhile TD is just holding on for dear life. She is in the thick of it with me trying to help me keep the peace. It is heart-wrenching to me how much she has done the last few days to assist me without ever being asked. She's growing up too fast.

When I had to cancel a meeting due to the mayhem, realized it had been days since I had done any real work and found myself at my tenth red light I lost control. I found myself yelling and alternately cackling wildly as I told myself I needed to be put in a time out. My marriage counselor is right. I am a Type A personality. I will give myself a heart attack if I don't squelch this stress she recently said. But how do you change who you are? I've only just begun to realize that I am a Type A personality. Yes, really. For some reason when I say this everyone looks at me like I just announced that gerbils should be whats for dinner. I honestly had no idea. I always thought that as a shy kid, introverted and quiet and never competetive I had to be a Type B personality.

In the past few weeks since I found this out about myself I have been dwelling on it more and more. I find myself in situations where I am screaming at no one, pushing the limits and causing myself to lose sleep simply because I can't let go of things. Yet I don't know what to do or how to change this. We joke about how anal this personality box can make a person. We even name conferences and companies after it. Somehow though I don't think it is so funny or great. Somehow though I now feel ashamed that I am this way.

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