Thursday, November 04, 2010

The Wonders of Sleep

I'm nice right now.  And um, still a teensy bit brain dead.  I have good days and bad days and in the past two weeks more bad than good.  When I realized this my little PPD nerve center went on alert and I found myself standing in the middle of a room wondering if this was the other shoe dropping.  Was postpartum depression going to hit me again a third time?  The very thought of it made me weepy.  Then angry.  Then yup, you guessed it. Weepy again.

I wanted to crawl under the covers and hibernate. I felt twitchy and snappy evil.  My eyes may or may not have glowed red once or twice.  I wanted to talk to someone, anyone about this, but then no one at all.  Call it a case of being sick of dealing with this type of shit.  The third time would not be the charm.  Then an interesting thing happened.

I went away for work.  I packed the three girls up and took a little trip with them that made me feel capable again and I got my first decent night's sleep in weeks.  The fact that I knew that I didn't have to hear The Fifth Element cry at 'o dark thirty' relaxed me and lulled me into a deep sleep.  I still woke up with the other kids but just knowing in the back of my brain that I wouldn't hear her because she was in my parents room and not just down the hall from me was huge.  I slept.  Then I slept again another night.  It's no wonder PPD can be brought on by a lack of sleep.  After just two days I feel as if I am out of the fog and I can think again.  I still feel tired but maybe another night will do me good.  I'm glad I have the chance. 

Thanks, Mom & Dad for watching the girls while I work and making it possible for me to get back on track.  It means so much to me and all of us.  I love you.  We are so blessed.

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