Monday, December 01, 2008

Just Call Me Oscar. Oscar the Grouch.

The fact that I am not a morning person is legendary. Like wine I've gotten better with age but I've been known to snarl, grunt, curse people out, glare a thousand death rays and give a stone-cold silent treatment like nobodies business. This was all before the age of twelve too.

Once I hit college and had a roommate I had to soften my ways and learn to adjust a bit but there was nothing I liked more than silence in the morning, a bit of talk radio droning on and a cigarette alone as I made my way to class. If a book or morning paper was thrown in while I ate breakfast I was so freakin' happy you would think I actually liked mornings. That is if you saw me from a distance and didn't actually try and talk to me.

So you know what is not conducive to this type of behavior?

Toddlers.

Toddlers with a million chirpy questions. Toddler who wake up before you, come up close to your face and ask you what you are doing when it is plain to see you are a.) sleeping b.) ignoring them or c.) all of the above. Or kids who start whining about wanting chocolate milk and candy before they are even one step out of their own bedroom. Yeah, that doesn't make for a nice Mommy or a good morning.

The questions drone on like the water spewing from the faucet while I brush my teeth. They follow me into the bathroom while I pee (flushing repeatedly doesn't drown them out) and watch me with eagle eyes as I take my vitamins and put in my contacts (No! You cannot touch my tontacs kid. No tontacs for you!). I haven't even looked at the coffee pot and I feel as if I'm being interrogated by some new Gitmo-style torture police. Styled by Dick Cheny I'm sure. The man has six grandkids, he knows what's up. He doesn't strike me as a person, er, morning person either.

I love that my child is so inquisitive but damn! I would love just five minutes of silence without having to employ the television tactic. I simply cannot find a cheerful way to answer why I take so many vitamins each morning fifty times in a row or why candy for breakfast is not an option again today.

5 comments:

  1. Ditto I think God is having quite a laugh at my expense too...since he gave me a toddler who rises before 7 AM every single morning without fail.

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  2. I'm not a morning person either. Nine years of bartending contributed to my night owl state. Wouldn't you know I've got a son who loves to wake up early. It's so wrong...

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  3. Anonymous12:33 PM

    I have the same trouble with my boyfriend....

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  4. I feel your pain!!! Me and mornings don't get along either and Maddie is a very reliable alarm clock!

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  5. I feel your pain! I am not a morning person either and Maddie is a very reliable alarm clock...with no snooze!

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