The Bank of Frustration

Dear Giant Bank that Apparently only Recognizes My Husband as a Client:

Thank you so much for alerting me to the $800 charges to my debit account two weeks ago. You were so prompt and so fast in your phone call on a late Friday night. It almost made me love you. Almost.

Then I called you back and despite the late hour and 24-hour service I was put on hold for quite some time and got jokey the jokster as my service rep. "That totally sucks, sorry about that..." is not the response I want to hear when I let you know that indeed I did not spend nearly $700 at Kroger in Georgia while I was in fact racking up charges here in Virginia. Nor did I spend $100 at Home Depot in Decauter. Nope, not me. I could have gone along with your ha-ha I sound like a total stoner attitude and said that, "Yes, indeed I know who made the charges" and blamed it on a pregnant woman in GA who is searching for gas and stocking up on baby goods right now. But, that would have been a cruel, sick joke on my part and I don't joke about the monies, dude.

Instead, I dutifully filled out my fraud claim forms, chose a new pin and waited the ridiculously stone-age wait period of 5-7 business days for my new debit card to arrive. And Huzzah! It did arrive! Only it was wrong. YOU PUT MY HUSBAND'S NAME ON IT MORONS! NOT MINE! It was not a joint card that we use. ONLY MINE! I laughed a sick, dastardly laugh when I saw this new card and called y'all back right quick. No real apology was given on your part either. Just an "Oh... yeaaahhh.... we did. Well that will be FIVE TO SEVEN DAYS for your new card. Unless you want to use this one. " When I asked if that was possible because like, um.. isn't that how we got into this whole freakin' mess? By like, (snap, chewing gum here) uhhh having someone else, i.e. NOT ME!, use my card, how on GOD'S GREEN EARTH COULD I NOW USE A CARD WITH SOMEONE ELSE'S NAME ON IT AS WELL?! You just calmly told me it was A-OK. Color me sly and smart but isn't that wrong, I asked? Nope. Not to you smarty pants bank. I could use it with my husband in tow. Because apparently I just drag him everywhere. Either that or its the 1950s and I don't have a license and/or drive myself anywhere and I take my giant black patent-leather purse, floral dress and pumps with me to the store with H in tow each time I need to go anywhere. AUGH!!! Because after all, doesn't he have to approve all my purchases anyway?!

(panting... out of breath from exasperation)

So you canceled that card and I am spending the next five to seven business days waiting with little faith that indeed this time. This card. Will, in fact, be the right one. That when I use it at an ATM and at a store (ooh I'm so tricky that way) it will work just okey-dokey fine too. Because seriously? If that card doesn't work even with my name on it? I will have to do more than just write a cranky-ass post about how much I hate you as a bank along with all the other banks I've used and hated in the past. Nope, this time I will be out for bankers blood and let's be honest. You all don't need anymore heat on you as an institution these days, now do you?

Signed,

Your Insulted and Pissy Client