Tuesday, May 13, 2008

Dear Trader Joe's

Dear Trader Joe's,

It is Joe right? Not Giotto, Jose or whatever alias you might feel like going by today? I'm on to you. I will admit you snuck one by me and I'm very disappointed in you Joe. Very disappointed.

When I visited your open and friendly store just last week you were chocked full of delightful supplies. Even your bathroom was clean and sweet smelling. I purchased many items from you as I am wont to do when I set foot on your premises. Each. And. Every. Time. You suck me in Joe. I am truly a sucker for you.

So when I saw your delicious, fresh key lime pie I knew I had to have you. Have you I did as I proudly placed you on the register to be scanned. I placed you lovingly in my car and took you home with me. Oh beautiful not scary green key lime pie. Not too tart, not too sweet. We saved you for a few days in the freezer just like we were supposed to and then thawed you out but nope! Not for too long. I wanted you to be just right. No frozen bits for me! After Mother's Day dinner (a place of honor, I remind you.) you were set out for dessert. Oh luscious pie. Sweet, sweet smelling lime filled pie with the perfect consistency and not too crumbly graham cracker crust. You never let me down whether it is just us dining alone or with company. You send me! I could not wait a second longer. I dove my fork into you and pulled out the perfect bite!

Err.. what is this?!? My mouth! It is full of sand. Trader Joe! You traitor! The texture of your key lime pie is like a mouthful of sand and then paste! What?! What is this awful metallic taste? I did not just ingest a mouthful of keys! Blech! Plack!!! Yick!! I watch in horror as we all simultaneously spit you out, you nasty gravel pit pie! Some tried to take more than one bite not believing what their taste buds were telling them. Many shoved you aside. Including moi.

I am disappointed in you Joe. What happened? Is this how it is going to be from now on? No more smooth texture and fresh key limey taste? Just a mouthful of beach sand like paste and the taste of stainless steel? For shame, Joe! For shame!

Our relationship with your pies will never be the same again.


  1. Oh no!

    *note to self* no key lime from TJ's!

    How very disappointing!

  2. Sometimes TJ's disappoints. It's very upsetting. Another thing to avoid - or at least to ignore the directions on - the masala simmer sauce. It's so watery when made as directed - I am not sure what they were thinking. Also, beware of mold on fruit from TJs, which seems to appear one day after I bring said fruit home from the store.

    All that said, I am a loyal shopper and am there once a week like clockwork. Couldn't live without it.


Thanks for commenting! It's always good to hear from a reader and not say, a robot.