Thursday, April 10, 2008

New Obsessions

I used to obsess about handbags and cute sandals. Really. Just weeks ago. Accessories and nail polishes were like air to me. These days all my creative juices seem sapped by a guppy-sized being inhabiting my lower regions. My desires for cute butt jeans and wedge heels have transferred to working myself into a lather over just the idea of a Pizza Hut pan pizza only for me.

When I sit down to work all I can think of is how brownies repulse me and the idea of a nachos bell grande seems like pure bliss. My house never feels clean and I want to change my sheets daily. I yearn to plant acres of flowers and all ideas of baking have been put aside.

I am not pregnant I have had a lobotomy. People say this about mothers all the time. "Oh she had that baby and now she never goes anywhere without it. She is all about the baby all the time and can talk nothing but bottles and binkys." In some cases this is true. I have met these women. I have friends who have gone over to this side and I've yet to see them in something other than what can only be called "Mom Jeans." For me this first trimester has been one of intense mind and body numbing sickness and exhaustion. T.D. has clocked more TV time than a Nielsen family. I am never alone. The guppy is always with me reminding me that the tuna sandwich I wanted to maim someone for at lunch time is now a less than stellar idea. Chocolate cake and cookies makes me gag. My mind works in only one way. Sick today? Not sick today. Sick this moment? Oh wait- sick RIGHT NOW!

I obsess over food drooling over pumpernickel bread and take as much care slathering on melted butter as I once did with writing up reviews or articles about living green. My need to ingest massive amounts of Newsweek and NPR has tapered. It's like I'm slightly dead or frozen inside.

Where have I gone? How does a guppy already hold so much sway? They say parenting changes you but really it is not until moments like this that we see how much.

I want my old brain back and my personal pan pizza.


  1. Your food issues sound like mine when I was pregnant with Aiden. I HAD to eat meat..spicy meaty meat things...slim jims, Taco Bell, I didn't care. I needed it. And this girl, who eats chocolate every day...yea, didn't care if I had it or not when I was pregnant with him. Just give me spicy meaty meat things and I was good.

  2. Anonymous4:49 PM

    I so related to everything in this article! My entire pregnancy revolved around sick or not sick. I felt like an alien was taking over my body and brain....I'm still trying to get my old brain back and she just had her first birthday! I am proud to say, that although I do have my baby with me all the time and love talking about her or baby related stuff, I don't own any "mom-jeans!" I still like to wear my sevens, citezens or american eagle jeans! And I love that flats are in and there are so many styles to pick from!


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