A Case of the Spins and NO I'm Not Pregnant

So much and yet almost nothing went on this past holiday/birthday weekend. We headed south late Thursday in an uneventful fashion and hit my MiL's. The weather could not have been better for a relaxing weekend by the water. Relaxing to extreme itchy boredom for some. That some being me. Let's just say that by Saturday, my actual birthday, I had just about enough laying around. I was slowly losing my mind.

SEQUENCE OF EVENTS

10 p.m.- Arrive. Unpack. Hit bed. Aaah.

FRIDAY- Finish book by pool. Start second book (Yeah! New Jen Lancaster!) Eat a total of 6 pancakes, 2 homemade sausage patties, lots of Doritos, soda, a brownie sundae, popcorn, and various other unhealthy items but oh so yummy. Some fruit might have snuck in there but probably covered with either cheese or chocolate.

SATURDAY- My birthday. Hurrah! Am 31. Joy. Hmm... Eat eggs Benedict. Oof. Try to go for run, but find I am almost too stuffed with carbs and candy that I can barely trot. Feel heavy. Convince H to not take a third nap and drive into quaint country town for lunch. Eat cheesy panini and peruse homemade ice cream. Have now consumed about 4-5 cups of coffee. Remember that later.

Head back to MiL's for more supine positions and reading. I am plowing through 'Bright Lights, Big Ass.' H decides to not opt for that 5th nap and wants to go for a boat ride. T.D. is put in life vest and we all trot down to the pier. I feel sick. The simple act of walking and standing on the pier is making me all spinny. When H asks me to climb aboard first to then take T.D. on board I almost puke with the thought of how unsteady I feel. Yuk. Although nice because I REALLY did NOT want to go on a boat ride. I'm feeling too lethargic to sit anywhere other than the couch. I might need to cram in a few pieces of cheese and salted items into my pie hole to make it back to the house safely.

Back inside I read and try to nap. I am finally napping (my first all weekend) and the phone rings. It rings more. And then again. I should break my "not my phone so I will not answer" rule. It's my MiL. She's no longer on the boat, but at a friends. Seems the boat has had engine trouble and they have been picked up by friends and brought there. Shall they risk driving home with no car seat for T.D. or should I drive to pick them up? I will pick them up. The directions to get to this place involve many twisty turns and hills on back roads. This thought alone makes me want to hurl all my cheese and chocolate imbibed products on the pretty tiled floor. Ick. MiL asks if I'm still woozy. Yes.

MiL- "Have you missed your period?" Tinkly laughter.

Me- "No!" I cringe. Nervous laughter. I'm really going to be ill now. She just said that in front of someone I don't even know. This brings our relationship to a whole new level. One I'm not quite into and ready for. Eek. I gurgle and groan that I am fine. I will pick them up. Sigh.

I cram some chicken, cheese and assorted fatty products into my mouth hoping to feel better and grab a Coke. Just as I'm about to leave I see H heading back up the dock. Joy! My MiL's husband opts to pick them all up with a car seat. YEAH!

I head back to the den and the safety of the non-spinning couch. Really? What is wrong with me? It's my damn birthday!

Later I hear my MiL ask H if I'm possibly pregnant. I see his face as he is visibly uncomfortable when she poses the missed period question again. Ick. Just ick. I shuffle away to save myself from the rest of the conversation.

DINNER HOUR- Coconut cake, lots of food, and candles. I receive a laptop, a flight home with T.D. and my MiL, a vegetable peeler (H's idea of of a joke- a proper gift for the proper wifey!), and this


Ha Ha. Finish Jen Lancaster book. Good read! Love you Jen! Hurry up with book three!

SUNDAY- Head home. YEAH! Movies with H! Johnny Depp in Jack Sparrow glory. Or not. On the way to the movies H trips on the front steps and is mildly injured. At the mall pre-movie to buy shoes an extremely molasses in January is quicker older woman weaves around in front of us tripping up H and causing me to step on his foot. He groans in pain. Does funny little pain dance and curses at me and well, everything. Fists clenched he heads off to buy shoes. He's limping. By dinner his ankles is swelling. I make a Target run for instant cold packs and pain reliever. We hit the theatre. It doesn't last. H is in agony. His drawn white face and painful movements have us asking for a refund on our tickets. A night of swashbuckling is not to be. At least we don't have to sit next to the teens in pirate garb.

MONDAY- Last day of holiday. H's ankle is much improved after icing and wrapping. We hit the movies. A day on the high seas in a darkened theatre is more my speed. I am non plussed with the film, but enjoy the outing all the same. We dine al fresco that night and relax. Aaah. A nice way to end the weekend.

LATER THAT NIGHT- H and I are in agony. A weekend of waffles, sausage, pancakes, cake, salted tasty treats, too much booze and soda, plus ice cream and whatever else we forced into our gaping holiday food imbibing mouths has taken a toll. We are hot and cold. Our stomachs in knots. Lack of exercise contributes. We lay awake moaning and breathing heavy and it's not in fun. I cannot wait for the weekend to end.

TUESDAY- Worked out. Drunk gallons of water. Fruit and veggies pack the house. We are back on track.

I am no longer spinny and I AM NOT PREGNANT.