Wednesday, October 26, 2011

Your Preschooler

When you are a new Mom and you sign up for every little milestone and update website. Then you become a parent and you don't have much time for that what with the spit-up, the 18 wardrobe changes a day (one for you, 17 for baby) and pureed food splattering your walls like the latest crime scene from Dexter.  Months, years go by and you realize your inbox is still getting these sweet little updates. 

"This week your preschooler will love going outdoors and collecting leaves, acorns and pine cones.  Make a fun collage, take pictures and enjoy the fall weather..."

Reality:  Hm... sounds fun.  Except we head outdoors and she has no interest in the leaves or acorns. She wants to rip down my neighbors decorative yard border and pick up all the worms on the sidewalk and roll them into a tangled ball.  When we take the leaves inside she crunches them into a million pieces and scatters on them on the just swept kitchen floor.  Her baby sister shoves leaf bits into her mouth faster than I can grab them.  Hours later she coughs up a leaf bit onto to the now twice-swept kitchen floor. The floor still looks like it hasn't been cleaned since W was in office.

"Your preschooler might have trouble staying in bed.  Just walk her back to bed and let her know she is there to sleep."

Reality:  Weeks have gone by with these nocturnal wakings.  I am beginning to think of our sweet, cherubic preschooler as an annoying bit of paranormal activity that we have to survive each night.   She bangs on doors, creaks them open and whispers our names right before letting out shrieks of terror.  We dead walk her back to bed and we are all left to feel like zombies the next day. 

One day, when I am not so familiar with the ways of the Walking Dead and I've finished sweeping my kitchen floor I will unsubscribe to those darling little updates.  Right now I'm too damn tired.


  1. I hear you! My four year old is still coming into our bed at night. I'm way too tired to walk her back to bed (and honestly, I'm just not able to handle a power struggle at 2 in the morning). She sleeps great in our bed, but I wake up every hour to move her feet out of my face :)

  2. Anonymous3:09 PM

    This was freakin' hilarious. - E


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