Tuesday, May 31, 2011

On the Road Again

I woke up this morning in Cheyenne, Wyoming. No, this isn't some other installment of the Hangover. I don't have the stamina for that sort of folly these days. I like my sleep a little too much and a bit more than I like my tequila. Most days.

My first thought was not, "Cheyenne, shit"* but instead, "Ugh. I feel so distant from H." I could say that a note from a friend set off this train of thought last night which propelled me into more deep thoughts this morning, but the truth is that this has been weighing on my mind the last few days. If it is weighing on my lug-headed mind then I am sure H is feeling it too.

Have I talked to him about it? No. No, I have not. I've been traveling and in between that we have just been flat-out busy. It's not as bad as it was by any means, but we haven't been to counseling in a month and we haven't been doing our homework and we have put our relationship on the back burner and just been going on about our busy daily lives. I hate it. It shows. I want the serenity and constant back and forth back. I feel lost again and it bothers me more than I can say.

When I return we are home for a day and then off again, as a family this time. My hope is that the night time drive will give us time to talk as the kids sleep in the back seat. We don't need to go in depth, we just need to re-connect. To check-in. I guess we will always have to and that is yet another thing I am learning on this journey of marriage.

I'm calling 2011 the year of marriage betterment or something else that is more catchy but I'm feeling about as arid as Cheyenne right now not up to such creative heights.

*Bonus points if you get this reference to one of my favorite movies. You rock!

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