Thursday, May 06, 2010

Diary of a Weakling

Dear Diary,

It's Monday and I'm determined to keep up with the flow of this house and two children.  Yes, the idea of going to the mechanic's is not ideal during nap time but we'll prevail.....Right?


Dear Diary,

Today the girls and I went for a twenty minute walk.  I can do this.  I don't need the gym.  We'll save money during my suspended membership and we'll all get fresh air.  Pushing the stroller and walking at a snails pace will be just fine.  I'll do all six loads of laundry and the girls and I will spend loads of time playing together too.

Dear Diary,

Um..I might have overdone it with the walking, the laundry, the doing every day things.  I've got a cold now and woke myself up from a nap due to snoring.  The girls were running wild and I have no recollection of falling asleep.  The laundry monster is still lurking and ever since last night my back and stomach muscles won't stop contracting.  It's maddening and also painful.  I'm out of breath and dizzy most of the time and I am having a harder and harder time picking up The Comedian and putting her on the changing table. 

Dear Diary,

Seriously?!  WHAT THE HELL BODY?  No matter what I do I can't get enough rest. This third pregnancy is kicking my ass.  I'm out of breath just sitting half the time and I can't seem to stay awake most afternoons.  The only time I feel OK is sitting on my ass with my feet propped up.  I feel like some old lady about to get the vapors and it's frustrating beyond belief.  I can barely get breakfast for the kids without feeling winded.  I'm only five months along, how on earth will we make it to the end?  This baby is sucking the life out of me and I just want to scream in frustration.  I feel so weak and depleted and mad.  Why can't I just plow along like other pregnant woman? 

I hate this. 

Really.  I am beyond frustrated.  I feel like my life is just being drained away from me this past week and that I can't get enough rest even when I just lay on the couch amidst the laundry and let the girls play around me.  It's gorgeous outside and I want to be out there playing with them and being active.  Yet, each time I try I start contracting.  It's beyond upsetting and making me a bit depressed.  I feel like the biggest weakling.

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