Tuesday, January 12, 2010

The Talons of Death are Alive!

At this point I think it is safe to say that our dog might be plotting our deaths.  She's been limping around for the last few days and while we tried to blame the cold, her old age and her "artha-right-tus" acting up, it seems we overlooked the ginormous swollen toe.

Is that right? Do dogs have toes?  They have paws and in our dogs case, talons of death.  But toes?  I digress.

One of the "toes" that holds onto a talon of death is swollen and out of a family of four that wounded appendage gets bumped about every half hour.  The yowling.  The yelping.  It is awful. I can't take it.  I remembered that I'm a dog owner and called the vet. 

Our poor Lex.  She used to be the baby until TD came along.  When The Comedian happened on the scene she just groaned and glared at us.  Her method of using herself as birth control had woefully failed twice now and she looked utterly defeated.  She has a love/hate relationship with the kids and vice versa. 

Later that day....

Hi! I'm poor.  But guess what?!  My dog doesn't have bone cancer.  Whew! Isn't that a relief?  Um.. seriously folks, they thought she had bone cancer.  There was talk of "toe removal".  They had to take her to a "special" room. A lead glove was employed to splay her toesies so they could x-ray it and this my friends freaked TD the F out.  "Aren't you so glad your cutie doggie doesn't have cancer?!"  The vet said to TD.  TD and Lex whimpered and cowered on the table.  "Mommy, this place makes me cranky!"  Me too, kiddo.  Me too.  Lex all bandaged and gimping even more now shed one tiny tear that made the techs all gasp.  "So sad, yet so precious!"  I just wanted to ask, "Can I get a discount for performance?"  Lex needs to get an Oscar for that show. 

You know what else rocks?  The fact that I have to soak the non-cancerous but still swollen foot twice a day in Epsom salts. There are also three types of medication given at various times of the day.  Suddenly I feel like I work at an old folks home except no one is serving jello or playing Mah Jong over here.


  1. Example number 392 why I'm glad we don't have pets.

    On a serious note though, I am glad she doesn't have cancer...but soaking her toe? Good luck with that my friend!!

  2. I'm glad the prognosis wasn't worse.

    Now you know my life. We've referred to our house as the cat retirement village for the past several years. When we got together we had 4 (i know, i know) and now we're down to two, one of whom is diabetic and requires two shots of insulin a day and regulated food, and the other whom is apparently going on a hunger strike and the vet can find nothing wrong with her.

    oh the joys. people tell us to get a dog before we have kids-i think we already have kids, thank you. :-)

  3. Ah, but cats let you sleep in.


Thanks for commenting! It's always good to hear from a reader and not say, a robot.