I've Learned A Lot From Paris Hilton

I feel so educafied!

As I sit working in my desert hotel I'm getting a dose of Bravo that I never have at home. Yes, sad little DISH network doesn't carry Bravo. No Top Chef for me. I'm still rolling old school style with Hell's Kitchen. No Bravo also means no Kathie Griffin D-list either. I feel so sad now knowing that I'm clearly missing out on some quality viewing and edumacation as I watch her shop and hang with Paris Hilton. For example:

-Shopping is the best and only work out for Ms. Hilton. It burns more calories than anything else. (Who knew that all I had to do was cruise Target for my cardio. Finally! I have a use for that three year-old and nine month old- weights!)

- Always be posing. Even if it's just while you are standing in line. You never know when someone will be snapping your picture. (Good to know. I'm so tired of those terrible pictures of me surfacing while I stand in line at Wegman's buying this weeks gdiapers.)

-Only ugly girls get down on their knees. (You know what I mean.)

-You can always spray on your cleavage with Mystic Tan.

- No one actually goes to the pool to swim. You make an entrance only. Wearing gold heels is preferable.


What am I going to do when I go home sans Bravo and all this valuable information is no longer available to me? I'll be like a tiny toy breed dog without its teacup.