Wednesday, August 19, 2009

A Complicated Girl

If you are a fan of Sex and the City then you probably already know about the debate regarding "complicated and simple girls". I myself remember this episode distinctly as it not only capped off an excellent season but also finally gave me a way in which I could describe myself.

I am a complicated girl.

So are most of my friends. I guess we thrive in packs. However, back in the day not even a pack or two of guys wanted to deal with us.

Throughout my life- as a child growing up and in my dating years in particular people were always telling me I was, "difficult", "weird" and yes, "complicated". It was all so very frustrating. I was not going to change who I was just to appear that I wanted less out of life or that I desired less from my friends, family and the men I dated. Why should I compromise like that? Why should I be a "simple girl" just to make others feel more at ease? Once a complicated girl then a complicated woman.

When an old friend of H's recently came into town and asked him what TD is like he replied (H, calm down! I am paraphrasing.) "She's like her mother. She's a difficult girl." To be fair, he meant to say complicated. While we can be difficult, I would never refer to TD that way. She is complicated enough. She doesn't need a complex on top of that! However, I think describing her as 'complex' is probably a good way to go in her formative years. She is complex. She has strong emotions, opinions and can be quite stubborn. She is smart, strong and challenging. She knows what she wants and how she wants it and she doesn't like to back down.

I posed this question to H after that, "Would you rather her be a complicated girl or a simple one? Life might be easier for her if she were a simple girl. There is no harm in that." As a typical loving parent, he answered that he wants her the way she is and is proud of her for whom she is and would not want her any other way.

For myself, I know it will be hard to watch my own 'complicated girl' go through life's obstacles. The challenges she will face regardless will sometimes be made doubly hard because her personality will demand so much from everything and everyone around her. It can be exhausting on both sides of the coin. In some respects, I almost wish she were more of a simple girl who was content to just go with the flow and follow the crowd. To be happy with the way things are and what she is given or finds in life. I have sometimes wished I were that way myself.

If you have a daughter which do you want her to be and why? Are you a complicated girl yourself?


  1. Probably am, according to your description anyway. And I'm sure if I'd had a daughter she would be too, poor thing. And yet there are some ways that I'm incredibly straightforward and not difficult, and can go with the flow remarkably well. It really depends on what matters to me the most and how it happens.

    I get backlash at work for being assertive when other people (especially women) lay down and take it, whatever it is. I've never dealt well with things that don't make sense or that clash with my principles.

    I do wish I was a little less analytical though, just a touch. I think the migraines would be less frequent. : )

  2. I am definitely complicated. No question. I actually hope my daughter is too but it is too early to tell.

    It is tough being complicated when you demand so much of others, but I think it makes you demand more of yourself too. I think that it is the reason I've always gone after what I want and tried to make it happen. I want her to be able to do the same and not settle. I worry that going with the flow can sometimes be the same as accepting the norm when you shouldn't! Of course, I am not sure it is as fun to "parent" a complicated girl as it would be a simple one. Simple sounds easier, doesn't it?

  3. Anonymous10:11 PM

    Ha! I think you know my answer to that.... That was one of the first (and subsequently my favorite) episodes I ever saw. You showed it to me when we were home from college and I was hooked.
    "Your girl is lovely, Hubble."
    "I don't get it."
    "And you never did."
    Cue funky salsa beat and Carrie's crazy hair. Perfect cinematic moment!


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