The Longest Hour

To all you women out there who bring your many tiny tots to the grocery store all at once I commend you. I. Just. CANNOT. Handle. It.

At all.

Granted, I can't seem to get the handle of the Ergo Baby while holding a purse which would free up the cart versus putting the baby carrier in there because there is NO grocery cart for people with a toddler and a young baby. None. Sure, I can use the car cart but then the seat to balance the baby carrier is always too small. I end up placing her sideways over the basket and have minimal access to the cart and ooh I'm already sweating and stressing out before I have even entered the store. Now, H can handle all this. He just sticks TD in the cart and straps Dash Two into the Baby Bjorn and goes. It's all stress and nightmares for me no matter what ammo (treats, books, toys) and attitude I bring in with me.

From the moment we hit the produce at the beginning and the guy was meticulously (read slower than molasses in January) stacking broccoli and there was endless screaming from one or another kid. I think everyone at Wegman's was really clear on the fact that TD wanted hot dogs and that she had to grab them off the shelf all by herself. Next, she wanted to be unbuckled and then buckled. Then unbuckled and buckled again. Bunny crackers became airborne out of the car cart as we whizzed by the bulk foods and I ran over my own pen and grocery list as it also sailed out of the cart. I took some deep breaths and loaded the cart up with yogurt as TD realized for the first time that yogurt also comes in Dora flavor not just Mixed Berry. Yeah, we've embarked on the age where we are noticing those Golden Arches, cartoon characters on cereal and how Disney has their hands in everything. Damn you, Disney fruit snacks, cereal, pizza and coming to a shelf near you- toilet paper. I would bet good money on that one right now.

By the time we got to the register my hair was almost standing on end. I probably had that vacant, glazed over look to my eyes as I white knuckled the cart handle bars. Dash Two was making rumbling, grumbling sounds and giving my boobs the hungry eye. Meanwhile, TD went into a full throttle meltdown about how pissed she was that she couldn't put groceries on the conveyor belt because she was in the car cart from hell. Um.. yeah kid, me too.

As we left the store I noticed that the man was still stacking the broccoli, not even an hour had gone by but I swear I had aged a year in the time it took him to carefully place about thirty heads of greens. Thankfully TD started throwing gang signs and dancing to the James Brown playing in the car making me laugh so hard I was able to make it home without cracking up completely.