I Cry Do Over!

So yesterday was a total wash. At least as far as living a healthy shredding lifestyle. There were doctor appointments for me and TD, and a sleepless night broke us. Numerous visits to the pharmacy and I finally got to see the psychiatrist for my postpartum depression diagnosis. It was simply put a very long and exhausting day. Do any of us really want to review our whole psych history in under an hour and dredge up all our little and not so little issues in that short amount of time? No, not really. Do we want to leave that cozy office with its box of endless tissues and go out into the blaring sun and head back into our everyday life? Not me. I just wanted to take a big nap.

I did learn one thing yesterday. When I'm stressed and tired it is oh so clear that I reach for one thing. Food. Very, very bad food.

OK, so really it is only very, very bad when I cram mass quantities of it into my gaping pie hole all at once but that is in fact just what I did yesterday. In between the appointments, caring for a sick kid and work I managed to eat a cupcake, some soda, large amounts of coffee and an entire McDonald's Value Meal. Oh yeah, I went there. I ate those golden fries and downed a thick, cheesy QPC with glee. I just wanted TD to eat something. Two days of only drinking and not much of that even I thought I could charm her with a chi-chi nugget or two. Nothing doing. The kid ate one fry and a slice of apple before laying down again. What did I do? Well, I ate those disgusting little nuggets of course. And you know what? The last time I ate a chicken nugget was when the Golden Arches first debuted them. I hate them that much. Yet, I didn't even notice what I was doing. I was just eating for the sake of eating. I didn't stop there either. I crammed a piece of supreme style pizza into my mouth too. The bloat cannot be believed. I wouldn't be surprised if I ate in my sleep last night because last night was very fuzzy with more endless sick child wake ups and me fighting off the cold I thought I was finally getting over. In my Celexa/nyquil haze I very well could have eaten a carton of chocolate ice cream and sprayed some leftover icing into my mouth and would not be the wiser.

Just when I thought that I had jumped that hurdle of eating to fill a void and cure my woes I jumped right back into that pit. It's maddening I tell you, just maddening. I'm avoiding the lemon poppy seed scones and lemon curd in my pantry like they are the Black Death (book club people, they are for my book club meeting, I swear! Except that -oh yeah, I am not going to that tonight. Oops.).

I'm back on the wagon today of egg whites, low doses of caffeine and lots of fruits and veggies. If I can get up the energy I'll kick my own butt with day nine of Shredding. The journey continues. I guess I should have expected a few bumps along the way.