Sunday, January 25, 2009

It's Nothing Like Last Time

I feel I should check in despite it being a Sunday (read: a day I don't normally post on) because-

A. My blog is making my Dad nervous.

2. I've had a lot of concerned emails, new twitter follows and some comments that are longer than the norm expressing heartfelt concern and love. I can't even begin to thank you all for all of it. It never ceases to amaze me that the Internet is my friend.

and

D. I made cupcakes and didn't frost them so clearly there is a problem.

If you got that screwed up sequencing then you get a gold star. It's from Home Alone if you didn't.

And now for the update:

I did some talking with H this weekend. However, all that came after this amazing woman came to my rescue. Really, if someone had told me that a blogger would show up on my front step less than two hours after I wrote this post I would never have believed them. But there she was holding dinner in one hand with a free arm to hug my suddenly bursting into tears self. Yeah, I cried like a baby and she just trotted in and took over. She washed my dishes. She fed and dressed TD, read her a story or two, made me drink some serious amounts of water and told me to ditch the caffeine and keep up the breastfeeding. Without really thinking about it I was downing a pot of coffee a day. No wonder Dash Two wasn't sleeping! Duh, Mummy. We ate some cupcakes and talked things over and hours later after she left I felt like I had a plan in place.

When H came home and we talked things over and I felt a bit calmer so I didn't sock him when he said the following:

H: I think if you get more sleep, exercise, give up a lot of that caffeine and take your vita.... Oh crap. I sound like that asshole now, don't I? Sorry about that. But seriously, let's try that this weekend and see how you feel.

So I am. I went to the gym. I've had a bit of alone time. I slept in and took a nap and I'm remembering to drink my water and only imbibing one heavenly cup of java per day. I've got a headache, I'm a bit cranky and I still feel tired but the crying? The crying has been cut by about 40%. It's not complete and I still have that living under water feeling so I think I will make the effort to call my doctor this week. My mother is freaking out and if I don't seek help from the medical community I think she'll end up staying at my house indefinitely. That's a wonderful band-aid but it isn't a cure.

I'm also cutting back on work which I am loathe to do but I need more time to figure out how this slightly larger family works. I haven't been giving myself or us that. This is supposed to be a journey of sorts isn't it? If this is indeed PPD, then yeah, it probably will be. Just like last time, except that I feel nothing like last time. Nothing.

And if you would be so kind, please send Kristen some love for all the love she has shown me. She's having one hell of a clearance sale over at Baby Brewing so go deck your loved ones out in the coolest, cheekiest gear around. I'm talkin' $6 t-shirts people! Now shop!


I'm also giving away a BusyBodyBook 2009 Day Planner this week. Enter to win at Mummy's Product Reviews.

4 comments:

  1. Good to hear you're implementing some changes this weekend..and getting some much deserved chill time. But for the love of God woman, go frost those cupcakes!!! Otherwise, you just made muffins. And what's the fun in that?

    :-)

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  2. Ugh. I'm glad that the crying is down 40% and you are feeling modestly better with a plan for seeing the doctor.

    If you haven't, you may also want to check out "The Wonder Weeks" -- it's a book on infant cognitive development that identifies week by week for the first year, which weeks are likely to be hellacious because of what kinds of things the baby is learning.

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  3. I'm glad to hear you're taking active steps to make things better...but sorry that you're having such a hard time.
    Please know that the internet is FILLED with people ALL THE TIME who will send their support and love - and even a virtual shoulder to cry on. You are a vibrant, funny, and creative person. We're here for you!

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  4. Just de-lurking to respond to your last post and to say that it sounds like you have a plan and that can be half the battle. I have just 1 11-month old, so I feel loath to give any advice. But one thing that's helped me A LOT is a therapist. I started before I gave birth because I anticipated I might have problems. And she's been a lifesaver. No drugs, just telling me that what I'm feeling is normal, helping me come up with strategies for dealing with everything, generally just a reality check. I think you're in the DC area, as am I, so I'd be happy to share her info w/you off line.

    Also, if what you're feeling is more than being overwhelmed and is PPD--just stop feeling guilty because you've got great kids and "should" be happy. Depression is a disorder, just like diabetes or any other hormone or endocrine imbalance. Exacerbated by environmental factors, sure. But it's not a character flaw of yours.

    Good luck! And I'll 2nd Liza's recommendation of "Wonder Weeks"--it's awesome.

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Thanks for commenting! It's always good to hear from a reader and not say, a robot.