ADT Customer Service? Pffftt...

Dear ADT (I love you, I hate you, I need to quit you),

I will admit to being a safety freak. H calls our house "Fort Knox". I repeatedly lock doors and windows throughout the day and cannot sleep unless the house alarm is on. Before TD, I even locked our bedroom door dutifully each night. If I was sure I wouldn't be brought up on assault charges I would accost those of you who like to hang out in your unlocked cars in parking lots, looking over your checkbooks, talking on your phones and generally rummaging in your cars and purses while showing not a care in the world. That's right, I'm talking to you. I would yank open your car door and pull you out while yelling like a drill instructor. It would take you a second to realize you aren't being car-jacked but instead made painfully aware about how careless and unsafe you are being.

I digress though and I need to get on with my ADT rant. It's like that line from the Gun's and Roses song, "I used to love her but I had to kill her..." that's you ADT. I'm going to have to kill your connection to my house now and take my business elsewhere. Your lack of invoices be it online or in the mail is total crap. Why can't I see my list of charges? Hm...? Why must you call me at 11 p.m. at night too? Three nights in a row? To tell me that my fire alarm battery is low, I know already. I freakin' know! You called us three nights in a row. After the first night we were aware and you should have logged in that we would fix it. But you didn't. Nope. You called us again the next night and the next. You called our cell phones too. RIGHT AFTER YOU ALREADY TALKED TO US ON OUR HOUSE PHONE! That's not great customer service that is just being a moron.

We understand that you are doing your job. That we pay you for this service. However, when we ask you nicely to not call the other lines, to not keep informing us because it is late and we are sleep deprived parents you do not listen to us. You instead "follow procedure" or something like that and keep calling us. What? Do you think that we will run out to the 24 hour battery depot and find the two 3 volt lithium batteries right then and there at midnight? Will that solve the problem? The problem that is actually not the battery but us instead?

When WE call YOU back to let you know that we have indeed changed our fire alarm batteries and just want to be sure all is well and OK in your world you only grunt in response and snottily reply back that WE CAN TAKE OURSELVES ELSEWHERE if we don't like you calling us. That's your customer service? Reminds me of another company who obviously lets feral cats train their reps.

The final straw though was this- when we also let you know that our bill has only gone up instead of down like you promised and that after five years of service we are thinking of going elsewhere because of this and your ridiculous calling at all hours on all phone lines repeatedly -you don't apologize. You don't ask what you could have changed or done better. You don't ask what we the paying customer want, need or desire. You just tell us to take our business elsewhere and be done with it. You sound remarkably like the same drone at the cable company that I talked to last week. Curious, that.

So while I love how your 24-hour monitoring seems to actually be in effect ADT, I think you seriously need to make your customer service reps run some laps, watch about 86 hours of mind-numbing Clockwork Orange style customer service enhancement videos and oh yeah- CHECK YOURSELF!

You know what comes next....