Monday, July 07, 2008

Good-bye Afternoon Naps

Oh, look- I'm home again. Jiggity Jig. After an uneventful car ride, seriously- I take back all I said about DVD players in cars for kids- that thing is a life-saver in the "WHAT?! We are not going back to Mem & Pep's house?!" meltdown moment that little portable player was a miracle worker- we arrived home safe and sound mid-day yesterday.

Some things I noticed-

I am back to eating fruit as a snack in under six hours. For some reason my parents house is a vortex for carb consuming. All I do is eat thigh thickening chips, ass-spreading brownies and more while I am there. I ingest fried foods as if I'm on shore leave and it cannot be stopped. Sure, I fall into many mid-morning and mid-afternoon, aw hell, mid-evening stupors more often than I care to admit, but I am powerless to stop it. The fruit bowl remains intact the entire time we visit save for those moments where I gorge myself on cherries or something.

I didn't walk at all or exercise at all while there. I guess that is truly a vacation?

Juice really is crack for toddlers and when Mem & Pep serve it at breakfast? Well, let's just say T.D. is already suffering from withdrawal.

My parents are obsessed with the turkey that comes into their yard each day at precisely four o'clock. Now T.D. is too. She has deemed the patch of dirt in their yard where it dusts itself as, "turkey dirt."

No matter what state you are in or what time of day it is McDonald's sucks my ass. They cannot get an order right for the life of them. Sure, give me two milks instead of one. Forget my apple slices and give my kid the fries. I care nothing about my sodium content clearly. And why are all the rest stops on 95 ALL THE SAME?! If I passed you up once Roy Rogers I am sure as hell going to pass you up again.

Jordan Marsh (or should I call them Jordin Mahsh) blueberry muffins do exsist. And they ROCK!

Things that NEVER Change-

Despite having Alzheimer's and being in her late 80's my grandmother still managed to tell me that T.D. was going to "poke her eye out" with her plastic fork at the family cook out. Like clockwork every year.

The top 40 radio station I listened to as a tween and teen is STILL the same. Truly, New Englanders resist change like a cats to water.

I will never stop laughing when I hear the announcements on the intercom at the local town beach, "Ahtenchun awl beach patrons, due to the instense fohg, please only go in the watah up to ya knees." I am usually the only one laughing.

My father now has an outdoor and indoor (they work in tandem) weather device. At any given time throughout the day he announces the wind velocity, precipitation level and current temp at the front and back of their house. It fascinates him.

My mother is queen of bussing. She hovers and cannot wait to bus your glass, plate or dish. She will even butter your english muffin without asking. I am still twelve and she still tells me how to work everything in the kitchen as if I might blow it up or set it on fire at any given time.

And now... it's back to the real world. Excuse me while I nurse my plants back to health, return emails, actually try and do some work and learn to live without the scent of the ocean, Del's lemonade, afternoon naps and reading on a front porch. Le Sigh... I miss it all already. Even the bussing.


  1. L and S can't believe we're not going back to Mem and Pep's any time soon. They think they are their g'parents - I'm sure of it. Love the bussing comment - my mother is exactly the same. My glass is rinsed and in the dishwasher by the time I bring the water from the fridge to the counter.

  2. Anonymous7:31 PM

    that was your funniest dang post ever! I just laughed again.Thanks for that.~yvonne


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