Wednesday, June 11, 2008

Tantrums- Dictator Style

Oh, Internets...

How I long for the care free days when only once a week I felt like for maybe, five minutes, I felt like I might lose my mind. Those days are like the ones where you are sitting by a crystal blue pool looking toned and tanned while sipping some delicious treat of a drink.

Days like today? Days like I have been having for the past few weeks? They are more akin to lying naked after having gained an extra 80 lbs, been covered in honey, feathers, and maybe some saran wrap, sat on an ant hill that also happens to be hot asphalt covered with glass and have the entire Beltway's worth of traffic critique your fabulous body while you beg for some water that is just a centimeter or two away. Did I mention you have also been beaten to a pulp and some hot lava is just careening towards you?

Yup. That is how I feel. As if I've been put through the ringer. My OB/GYN appointment today was more therapy session than, "Let's hear the baby's heartbeat!" excitement. I think I cried no less than three times. I woke up crying today because no matter how hard I pray for things to change, to feel better, to enjoy this pregnancy and to have the strength I need to deal with all that life has thrown at us lately, I'm just done.

I'm tapped out.

When T.D. decides to throw no less than four terrific tantrums per day I feel like I might become a statistic. I have tried everything I can think of to quell them and nothing is working. She screams so loud it is as if she is being torn apart by wild dogs. I fear opening our windows in case someone hears her and calls CPS on us.

Why the tantrums? I wish I knew.

It is all, "NO! EAT LUNCH!" An hour or two later, "EAT LUNCH NOW!" Or my fave, "NO NAP!" "NOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" and then I lose all hearing and I try to find some inner calm as she writhes on the floor kicking everything that is nearby. All of them are accompanied with a blood curdling scream that is so horrific I fear Hollywood can hear her and might use her soon for their next slasher film. If only it were that amusing. Or that they would pay me some sum of money to have her meltdowns recorded.

I just know that I don't know how much more my jaw can take because I'm clenching it so hard these days my head pounds for hours on end.

These tantrums.

This life.

I fear I'm losing it.

Head over to MPR today for another exciting giveaway! Gourmet Peanut Butter!


  1. Thank you for being so honest. I really am sorry to hear you're having such a rough time. I don't have any aavice...except the old tried cliches that I know you don't want to hear. I'm here though...if you need to vent via e-mail or phone. I'll keep you in my prayers, Miss V. Hang in WILL get better....can you get hubby to give you a few hours alone tonight? Maybe take a bath or something? Or go for a walk..or just go grab a decaf latte :-)

  2. I seriously doubt this will make you feel any better, but she will grow out of it.

    I won't tell you what happens next.


Thanks for commenting! It's always good to hear from a reader and not say, a robot.