Tuesday, March 25, 2008

Ladies Please! Enough is Enough!

I'm a bit too fired up today for this to be Book Tuesday. The Secret Life of a Soccer Mom on TLC. Have you seen it? I've watched a few DVR'd episodes myself. I even wrote about it at DC Metro Moms a few weeks back. Now Newsweek has picked up the scent of this latest 'clash of the mommies' and as I read the article I just pretty much flipped out. There was under the breath muttering as I got breakfast together. I completely forgot about my pounding headache and just wanted to spit venom.

I am all for everyone having their own opinion. Everyone does things differently but I really take offense when I hear other women saying that, "there is no reason for you (that would be us women folk) to be at work. If you didn't want to raise your children, you should not have had them. It's child abandonment." As a work at home mother, whose salary could be a whole other post entirely, I take offense to this. I worked out of the home for much of my daughters first year of life. We needed to pay our bills, I needed to work to feel complete. Yes, there I said. The 'C' word. Complete. Simply birthin' a baby did not complete me. And you know what? It doesn't have to. That is the beauty of being individuals.

Yes, my job is to raise my child to the best of my abilities but why can't that include me working? Some women love their jobs and need them for their own happiness. As a mother and woman I feel that is truly an important lesson to teach and show my child. It's not selfish. Some people need more. Just like some people like grape jelly and others like strawberry. A trivial comparison I know but bear with me. Some people like their jobs and having them makes them feel complete too. It's not feminist crap being shoved down our throats. It's about who we are as people and if it works for our families then so be it. Stop judging the crap out of each other and go back to work or tending to your children. Why not show some support for families of all types and maybe then we as a country could finally get some decent healthcare.

My issue when I watched SLSM was the follow-up. TLC simply glosses over the fact that after the cat/secret is out of the bag the family has some very real decisions to make. I for one do not know of one daycare that has immediate openings. Without knowing a jobs benefits or salary how can one accept a job? There needs to be a lot of discussion about a family member going back to work just like there would if one changed careers. It took months for H and I to iron out all the issues around me quitting full time out of the home work to do this writing thing. It was not easy by any means. SLSM made me mad initially for not addressing the real issues that families face. Today, I can't seem to get over how incredibly judgy we women get and how unsupportive we are of each others choices. It makes me angry and sad to see these women lambaste each other in comment sections.

It makes me wonder if these same women think it is selfish for Mom and Dad to hire a sitter, a friend, family member or neighbor to watch their children for an evening so they can go out and have some alone time. Is it? I for one don't think so. Then again, I am of the school of thought that the marriage is the foundation on which we build our family. If Mom and Dad need to have dinner alone to talk finances or blockbuster movies for a night to keep sane and happy then so be it. Maybe then we wouldn't be keeping secrets from our families about our dreams and how we see ourselves.

If TLC really wants a show about the Secret Life of Moms (I eliminate 'soccer' because it's so over and nichey) why not have a show where women have the opportunity to do something they have secretly always wanted to do but never dared to try much less utter to another human soul. Skydiving anyone? Homicide cop for a day?


  1. Ooo... You are getting ME worked up! No one says those things to the Dad. After all, if he didn't want to raise his children, he should have kept his penis in his pants! He is abandoning his family!

    Seriously absurd (not you, but that line of thinking) to even imply that I love my son less for having gone back to work. If anything, I think I am a better mother to him because of it. I am happy, and that is passed on to him 10 fold.

    It is great that some women are able to stay at home with their children, but it is also great that women can and do work outside of their home.
    I'll stop before my comment is as long as your post. ;-)

  2. You know this type of post gets people fired up. I think I am numb to this type of stuff now since i work full time outside of the home & have no intention of it being any other way. It is true that I have some fantasies of working part time but then reality hits & I know I can't do that. I think we all have to adapt to the situation & it is best for our children either way.

  3. I agree with Maria: Why is it just the mom who "abandons" her kids. Irritating. Can't we all just get along?

    Good post!


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