Wednesday, January 30, 2008

Welcome to McDonald's. May I Help You?

There I was running errands and so hungry I was about to chew my arm off. Either that or eat some of the tasty stuffing that Nissan has lovingly provided. I looked at the dashboard clock and realized it was close to dinner. I was in no mood to cook for just T.D. and I. I decided to grit my teeth and not think about the harm I was doing to myself or my child and just suck up the fact that tonight we were doing the drive-thru. I needed fries. Twice in one month mind you. I am hanging my head in shame right now. Do you see the grease dripping off it?

As I pulled in I noticed that America does not run on Dunkin', at least not after 5 p.m. No, it runs on McDonald's. The line of cars at the drive-thru was long. At our turn I placed our order and proceeded to sit. And sit. We sat at the speaker box for quite some time until we were able to allow someone else to order some fat-tastic food. As we waited I heard this tiny cheeping sound coming from the back seat. T.D. was talking in a soft questioning voice.

"Chi-chi nugget?"

"Chi-chi nugget?"

"Did you just say chicken nugget", I asked.

"Yes! Chi-chi nugget, apuhl and nuyk?"

"Did you just say chicken nugget, apples and milk", I asked.

"YEAH!"

I cringed and sank in my seat. My kid knows her McDonald's order. We come here maybe once a month. MAYBE. In the last month it has been twice due to a trip and complete exhaustion on our parts. As I am pondering this scary fact I hand my card over and pay at the window. The cashier hands it back with a receipt. Hm... two meals for only $2.82? Is this 1950's pricing day? Is Mickey D's doing some founding father commemoration for good ol' Ray? No. I seem to have only ordered a chocolate shake. The window now slammed shut in my face, I bang on it a bit and tell the kid my order is wrong. He asks if he can give me cash back. No, I explain, I paid with a card. There is a heavy sigh and he disappears. The line for the drive-thru is now that much longer.

There is a flurry of commotion as two managers, the cashier and who knows who else cram themselves in the tiny window whispering and looking at papers, using keys to unlock secret McDonald's register draws and quietly upbraiding each other. I look in my side mirror and see the woman two cars back is now enraged. Her face is contorted in an ugly grimace. (Ha-ha! Grimace! Get it? Ok bad joke.) "Hold on lady, you'll get your ass-fat in due time. This isn't my fault", I feel like yelling to her. Finally, the issue is resolved. I sign forms. FORMS people and I am on my way.

Ten feet later I arrive at window two. The trough. A bespectacled man hands me my order. Coke and a tiny kiddie Sprite. WTF? NYUK. I ordered nyuk! I politely ask where my milk is and the dude almost cries as he hands me my milk, apologizing profusely. I take my greasy bags of sodium and incidentally pure-fried goodness and pull away. As I drive away I notice. No apuhls. Just fries.

I am never going there again. I am cured.

5 comments:

  1. That's the darned thing... it really isn't more convenient. And about your little girl knowing her order? I think they put some kind of kiddie crack in the happy meals so that the kids become addicted. (joking on that last one... I think?)

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  2. Thank you for providing my a.m. entertainment. I can just see you reacting to your stellar McD's customer service experience. I feel your ass-fat pain. :)

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  3. OH, they didn't give her her apuhls!! Poor thing!

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  4. LOL You were being punished for going off your diet! LOL Personally, when in a rush, I recommend Subway - I find their ability to take orders and provide a healthier meal much more efficient. But that was HILARIOUS and I'm sooo sorry you had to endure...Love the Grimace reference.

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  5. Don't feel bad. My kids howl for Wendy's chicken nuggets every time we drive past one and I'm all WTF??? We go there like four times a year!

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