Remove the Breakables Mommy's Feeling Joan Crawfordesque

What is it about those days when you have an early morning appointment that suddenly turns rational, normally sane people into total nut jobs? I schedule these appointments to a.) get them out of the way and b.) there is less wait and chaos in the doctor's office at that time of the morning. But it doesn't matter. I still no matter what time I get up, how much I plan and pack ahead somehow all hell breaks loose.

1. Wake up early to get some work out of the way. Computer inexplicably shuts down. I take it as a sign to move on and shower.

2. T.D. wakes up a full 45 minutes earlier than normal throwing off the flow. I bounce back as she is happy in her room with books and a sippy cup. Which makes me wonder, should she be off the sippy? No time to think of that now I must get ready!

3. Stalk guest room making sure it is clean for MIL's arrival later today. The dog has decided to not eye gunk up the pillows. Awesome! Two points for me!

4. Shower. Bliss as I don't have to talk to anyone or talk anyone down from climbing out of the tub or into the tub with a hairdryer and tub of salt scrub. No plastic toys have been lobbed at the shower door either. Score!

5. Come downstairs to find not my coat unhung AGAIN. I know I'm home and all but it doesn't mean that I am now the maid who picks up EVERYONE's stuff all the time. HANG THE FREAKIN' COAT!

6. Realize the sink and counters I scrubbed the night before to make house MIL presentable are now entirely coated in burnt bagel crumbs. FACK!!!! Gritting my teeth I mutter to myself about how I am the maid apparently. I clean the sink and counters AGAIN while swearing oaths and longing for the maid's cigarette break.

7. Breakfast is assembled we are all dressed! Amazing! Dog pukes on the carpet in the den and then again under the kitchen table while we are eating. Eggs. We are eating runny eggs. Kick ass!

8. Clean up all puke from house only to find eggs smeared on table, chair and cabinets. Toddler amazingly clean. Sticky pineapple bits coat the once clean floor. Indigestion begins and I long for a shot of some hard stuff. If sippy cups aren't for chardonnay can they be used for vodka?

9. Send T.D. to watch Clifford because the incessant whining? For I have no idea what makes me want to go into a Joan Crawford clean the bathroom meltdown. Seriously. It seems like such a good release to just trash a nicely clean room and then leave someone else to clean it up doesn't it? Must be why she does it every day.

10. Oh look! It's time to dash! Maybe the bracing cold air will snap me out of this tense and slightly bitter mood. It's date night tonight and I need to mellow out. I think I'll turn on some Dance Party USA music and make T.D. dance for me. Dance! Little kid Dance! That never fails to cheer me up. And stop the whining.



8.