Thursday, September 06, 2007

Lord of the Gourds

Yes, really. I got sucked in to some alternate universe last night where I watched for almost a full hour people who are obsessed with pumpkins. Ahem...GIANT pumpkins. These are no ordinary pumpkins people, nor or these growers ordinary.

Entranced I was by the unbreakable stares these people had as they watched, yes watched, their pumpkins grow. Did you know that some giant varieties can grow up to 50 lbs in a day?! I know! Mad, I tell you, mad! I found my mouth just hanging open as I watched one man lovingly place Barney blankets on his special fruits daily and then proceed to wrap himself in those very same blankets as he silently stared those orange beauties down for a spell.

There was an entirely all too seductive instrumental sequence where one man, much like Quint from Jaws, oiled and rubbed his fruit down until it reached a high gloss shine. While that pumpkin was an especially brilliant shade of orange, if I were that guys wife I might be a bit pissed at all the lovin' he was supplying that giant pumpkin. Hey Buddy! Why don't you spend less time on the that gourd over there and a little more time in the house on your wife! Actually, I'm not sure he had a wife. Quint didn't have a wife either.

The spouses seemed to find the whole thing bemusing. Odd yes, but actually more humorous. One wife gave up her entire backyard for her husband's one pumpkin and got a minivan in return. That's love I tell you. Especially from the couple with no children and the people who view these giant orange orbs as pets. Total. Devotion. Of the highest order. The pumpkin must not touch the ground, they inject milk into them, develop computer/weather tracking systems to figure out the smallest need of that ginormous plant they are creating, create pumpkin hammocks, and yes, even sleep with the fruit. I learned a bit too much about pumpkin sex in the process I think.

At one point H snickered at me as he came up for air from his fantasy football draft haze (that could be a show unto itself much like the pumpkins) and told me I was a bit 'too' into the whole pursuit of the pumpkin. Heh! What does he know? Does he know that mice can be a real problem and completely hollow out a pumpkin unbeknownst to it's master? Didn't think so!

Still at this moment I am amazed that a show devoted to the single topic of giant pumpkins and the people who adore them kept my attention for almost an hour. These days in my manic state of reading five books to review, trying to watch kids DVDs to review, and generally reviewing a whole lot of stuff and work at the same time I can't seem to keep my attention on anything. My span is that of a gnat or wait, my daughter. We've become two small attention span peas in a pod. Peas. Now I might watch a full hour on peas. Giant peas.


  1. *hiding my face* we're some of those wierd pumpkin people. We're out checking our giant pumpkins at LEAST ten times a day. Hoping to get some big enough to sell for Christmas money, yanno? LOL....

  2. ok selling pumpkins I can understand checking often. But will you be selling the 1500 pounder?

  3. Seriously! Can you imagine giant pea pods laying on the ground ready to burst with peas the size of beach balls? Fascinating.

  4. Girl, if we grow one that big, you best believe I'm gonna sell it! I bet I could get a nice pile of bills for one that size!!! We'll see...of all the seeds we planted we only have one real "vine" so to speak. Maybe I need to go share a blankie with the little seedlings.

  5. Mice huh. Brings to mind a picture of some nursery rhyme book I had that a picture if mice and pumpkins. NO, not Cinderalla. It would be cute to have a pumpkin big enough to hollow out for LIam's first b day pic. Okay, now I am crazy.

  6. Anonymous2:01 PM

    Question is, whose patch will the Great Pumpkin show up in?!?

  7. I saw that show! Fascinated me, too, at the lengths that some folks go for their hobbies. Talk about OBSESSION!

  8. Anonymous10:29 AM

    O.K. I'm another one of those wierd pumpkin freaks. Let me just warn you all. Stay away from it. The problem is that it is really that fascinating to see something grow that big, that fast. Did you know that when these bad boys are really moving you can actually hear them grow. Yeah, that's right. You can hear them. It's like rice crispies. Anyway, stay away! This hobby will suck you in and it's not cheap.

  9. Anonymous12:13 AM

    There is an obscure documentary floating out there called "Big Bills Pumpkins". I saw it a while back at a festival. Good flick. The premice sounds similar, however it is just about one mad man and his love of the giant pumpkin. Absolutely hilarious. Here's a link:

  10. Anonymous10:54 AM

    I was flipping through the channels last night and came across this show. Very very interesting stuff. Growing giant pumpkins is a thing I know I should stay away from because it would easily become an obsession for me.


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