Lord of the Gourds

Yes, really. I got sucked in to some alternate universe last night where I watched for almost a full hour people who are obsessed with pumpkins. Ahem...GIANT pumpkins. These are no ordinary pumpkins people, nor or these growers ordinary.

Entranced I was by the unbreakable stares these people had as they watched, yes watched, their pumpkins grow. Did you know that some giant varieties can grow up to 50 lbs in a day?! I know! Mad, I tell you, mad! I found my mouth just hanging open as I watched one man lovingly place Barney blankets on his special fruits daily and then proceed to wrap himself in those very same blankets as he silently stared those orange beauties down for a spell.

There was an entirely all too seductive instrumental sequence where one man, much like Quint from Jaws, oiled and rubbed his fruit down until it reached a high gloss shine. While that pumpkin was an especially brilliant shade of orange, if I were that guys wife I might be a bit pissed at all the lovin' he was supplying that giant pumpkin. Hey Buddy! Why don't you spend less time on the that gourd over there and a little more time in the house on your wife! Actually, I'm not sure he had a wife. Quint didn't have a wife either.

The spouses seemed to find the whole thing bemusing. Odd yes, but actually more humorous. One wife gave up her entire backyard for her husband's one pumpkin and got a minivan in return. That's love I tell you. Especially from the couple with no children and the people who view these giant orange orbs as pets. Total. Devotion. Of the highest order. The pumpkin must not touch the ground, they inject milk into them, develop computer/weather tracking systems to figure out the smallest need of that ginormous plant they are creating, create pumpkin hammocks, and yes, even sleep with the fruit. I learned a bit too much about pumpkin sex in the process I think.

At one point H snickered at me as he came up for air from his fantasy football draft haze (that could be a show unto itself much like the pumpkins) and told me I was a bit 'too' into the whole pursuit of the pumpkin. Heh! What does he know? Does he know that mice can be a real problem and completely hollow out a pumpkin unbeknownst to it's master? Didn't think so!

Still at this moment I am amazed that a show devoted to the single topic of giant pumpkins and the people who adore them kept my attention for almost an hour. These days in my manic state of reading five books to review, trying to watch kids DVDs to review, and generally reviewing a whole lot of stuff and work at the same time I can't seem to keep my attention on anything. My span is that of a gnat or wait, my daughter. We've become two small attention span peas in a pod. Peas. Now I might watch a full hour on peas. Giant peas.