Hey! Look at that Crazy Lady!

Fodder for one of those hidden camera shows? That would have been me yesterday. The morning started off normal enough and then T.D. turned cranky and started pulling on the same ear over and over again. Suddenly the easy morning of writing, gym time, and meeting with H to work out business stuff became much more chaotic.

8:37 a.m.- "Hi, it's me! Listen could you give me a call back? T.D. has been pulling on her ear all morning and she has a 12:20 doctor appt. now. I can't meet with you at the granite place. Call me!"

8:43 a.m.- H calls back- I say, "Right. Ok, I understand, but that means we would have to meet in about a half hour and I'm not even showered... and I really need to be. (inwardly totaling drive and shower time, eliminating the gym from the day completely now, work time slowly eluding me.) Ok, so I'll see you between 10-10:30."

8:46 a.m.- Blink a few times. Grumble about missing gym. Resolve to run later when H comes home. Nix idea of walking in the afternoon as it will still be beyond sweaty balls hot outside. Run downstairs to quickly work up a mailing label to mail out baby gift. Love Click n Ship! (no they did not pay me to say that) Run back upstairs calling T.D. to get a move on! Thank God she's already dressed! I hastily begin throwing the diaper bag together- bib, diapers/wipes, food, drinks, all important blanket. Check! I weave around the kitchen dodging the dog and T.D. who is now wailing for her packed blanket. Or not. Can't figure this kid out some days!

9:12 a.m.- Run up the stairs two at a time calling to T.D. to follow. Time to shower! At warp speed I manage to start the shower, pluck a few stray eyebrows, run up and down the loft stairs (where our bathroom is) to get underwear, T.D., and various other random objects. I move around the bathroom like a whirling dervish.

9:17 a.m.- Shower like lightening. Can't hear kid. Don't even do pit check. No time!

9:18 a.m.- Drying off and I hear screaming. I call to T.D. My wet hair dripping everywhere as I stumble and dry off while simultaneously dashing down the steps. The dog is making a play for T.D.'s precious graham cracker. She is resisting but it's futile. My naked self drags T.D. into the bedroom. I run back upstairs.

9:20 a.m.-Rip a comb through my sopping wet hair and decide to forgo lotion as it will save time. Hastily try to untangle the "sides" of my underwear as they are a tangled mess while yelling at T.D. down below the loft to stop force feeding the graham cracker to Lex. Lex flees to her crate. T.D. toddles to nightstand to impose mass destruction on my chap sticks and library books. Damn g-strings are like a tangled necklace chain! I nearly fall over in my attempt to put on my Capri's.

9:21 a.m.- Wonder about need for make up. Slap on lip gloss and some mascara. Isn't that what super models always claim is "the only thing" they wear? Scarily blow dry just my bangs so my quick pony tail (curse that being a Mom hair do) won't look so desperate.

9:22 a.m.- Look at chipped black nail polish. Really only works if sleek and shiny. Could I be mistaken for throwback Goth kid now Mom? Maybe it will start a new trend- Suburban Goth Moms! We'll kick stroller impeding a** in our Doc Martens at the local mall (now back in!).

9:23 a.m.- Nearly tumble down the stairs as I grab my wedding ring and push in earrings. My hair is wild. A veritable nest. T.D. looks afraid of her cyclone Mommy. I somehow manage to tie a scarf around my waist making a jaunty belt and grab T.D.

9:27 a.m.- Throw open the front door, blasted with heat and humidity and chuck the bags in the car. I nearly chuck T.D. in with them in my haste. Realizing she's not a clever looking diaper bag I buckle her into her car seat.

9:30 a.m.- We are off! Record time today I must say. My heart is STILL racing.


I wish I could have caught it all on film and seen the wild look in my eyes. I'm sure the footage of me spraying myself in the eye with toner was fantastic.

The trip to the granite place was a loss. No one spoke English and everything we wanted or they thought we wanted was out of stock. Lunch was basically me cramming black beans and tomatoes down my gullet. I chomped more celery sticks and almonds in the car as I drove as fast as I could with a screaming with indignation T.D. to her doctor's appointment (now no longer pulling her ear I must add). We got there exactly two minutes before her scheduled time.

Guess what? All for naught. No ear infection. Is good. Is really good. Just you know... a total waste of a co-pay. I take comfort in the fact that while waiting she watched an 80's run of 'Reading Rainbow' that I swear I remember from when I was a kid. She learned about whales and now says, 'way' each time she sees one.