The Amazing Race

The moments between nap time and wake time always seem precious and few. We Mom's cherish them. Rarely though do we take time out for ourselves. Instead, it's a race against the nap clock with an ear always listening for the sounds of our waking child.

11:34 a.m.- T.D. is down! What should I do first? Shower? Clean? Work? I'm dirty-shower!!

11:36 a.m.- In shower- Still hear T.D. babbling- that buys me another few minutes. Let's get crazy and shave pits and legs today! Sure it could be a few minutes wasted, I'll think about that later.

11:45 a.m.-Emerge from shower fresh and clean. Silence in the house. Ooh she went down fast. Must work faster! No hair drying today. Apply fun new self-tanner though and dress quickly. Must clean floors!

11:51 a.m.- Dump baking soda and vinegar into toilet- let sit for half hour. (No, I do not use toilet bowl cleaner in the actual bowl- I'm greening people!) Let sit for 30 minutes. Meanwhile, I dash about the house changing over laundry, picking up toys on the floor, and dragging the vacuum out of it's hiding space in the hall.

12:10 p.m.- Vacuum comes crashing to the floor. Double Mother Fucker. I wince and wait for sounds of crying. Hm.. nothing. Saved. I turn on vacuum hoping it's not really as loud as I think it is. Quickly and hopefully efficiently vacuum main floor of house managing to vacuum up part of 'Blanket' (the blanket- thankfully the spare). Vacuum shudders and makes extremely loud grinding noise. I shut off. Remove offending pink fabric known as Blanket Two. Vacuuming ensues. All graham cracker detritus, pet hair, and stray raisins are eliminated in my super suction Dyson pathway.

12:42 p.m.- Run back to basement to get mop. Check on laundry. Augh! Still damp. Re-start dryer. Run back upstairs. Figure I didn't make it to the gym today so I shouldn't complain about all the stair climbing my ass needs it. Puffing back into the kitchen I begin mopping bathroom, foyer, and then kitchen. I slip on kitchen floor. Loud banging and swearing erupts. Still silence from the upstairs though. Saved. Dog gets in way of mop thinking it's fun to stand and stare wherever I'm cleaning. Knock dog off her feet to mop that area. Oh well. I don't have time for pathetic doggy stare downs. I'm running against the nap clock!

1:06 p.m.- Floors are done!!! I am dripping in sweat. Awesome. I only showered an hour or so ago. Rock on. I swipe all ABC magnets off fridge and spray it down. There is some gray matter crusted on it. WTF? I scrape. I clean some more. I wipe paint right off fridge. Make mental note: Buy appliance paint in ULTRA WHITE. Think about blog piece. Blog Blast on Tuesday or no Blog Blast? Nervous about radio show Wednesday. Think about it and want to puke. Must get over fear of speaking to smarty, snarky Kristen.

1:15 p.m.- Check email. Annoyed by lack of feedback from query. Sigh at computer. Glance outside at plants. What am I doing?! Nap Clock! Nap Clock!

1:22 p.m.- Generally tidy house. Organize non-essential items that annoy me. Glare at bathroom that is still unfinished. Stupid tiles stuck in Customs. I mean really! I know the box sounds all "Venetian" on the front, but I don't really believe that. I'm sure they are made in Ohio or something. Is there a Venetian, Ohio?

1:53 p.m.- Rub on new perfume stick I'm reviewing. Mmm...smells light and jasmineny. Sit down to computer. Open email and begin responding to clients and vendors. Find fun things on You Tube to distract me. Generally mess around with Blogger for way too long.

2:24 p.m.- Wait. What was that? Did you hear it too? Yup. The cry of a tiny dictator. Wails, indignant wails, really. Juice will satiate the beast for a few minutes. Nap clock has run out.

3:11 p.m.- House is destroyed. Blueberries are mashed into the floor. Toys are strewn about as if an explosion has occurred. Neatly folded laundry is unfolded after I place it into basket....