Monday, March 19, 2007

Unhooked

I finally finished reading, Unhooked by Laura Sessions Stepp. Ms. S.S. is not always the most popular girl out there, especially in these parts, but I wanted to take a look at what she had to say for myself.

Unhooked is about "how younge women pursue sex, delay love, and lose at both". Stepp took a year or so to interview in-depth and observe high school and college girls from relatively the same backgrounds (middle to upper middle class). What she found was that these women are highly motivated, ambitious and hardworking individuals. They've been trained their whole lives to excel in whatever they do. They also don't have a ton of time on their hands. That leads to hook ups. They are quick and don't require much effort. Stepp writes that today's young woman wants to be seen as independent. Thus having a boyfriend or relationship is seen as weakening her. She is now almost a 50's housewife if she wants a relationship. Guys of this age bracket feel the same way Stepp says. It's all about instant gratification. Sex is not intimate or even all-together satisfing. Dating is not done. It's hooking up or marriage. No holding hands or going out. There is no room for the in between. In fact, as Stepp writes, it's considered taboo. Who has time for it or needs a relationship?

This generation has been raised to perform at thier peak level at all times. They must be the best. They don't have time for a serious or even a fun relationship. They need the hook up. What Stepp found is that neither gender is happy with this overall situation and lack of intimacy. They want more but don't know how to obtain it or ask for it. They've been told by adults their whole lives to focus on education and not how to build successful relationships. They see their parents marriage primarily as a business partnership or even less. After all the divorce rate is about 50/50 these days.

This book saddened me. It did make me take a look at the examples H and I are for our daughter as far as relationships go. We are her first look at a relationship and one that shows affection. H's influence in her life must be strong throughout. I look back at my past boyfriends, losers or not, and am thankful I had them. Yes, my parents did say, "you are too young to be so serious", but we never lasted as couples and I'm glad I got the experience instead of waiting until I was 30 to start dating. Yikes! Who wants to do that? Dating was fun even for all it's craptastic moments.

I have to ask has anyone else read this book? Has anyone else noticed this attitude in the younger generation? I can't take this as total truth. I know it's not. It never is, but I'm just wondering how others feel about all this.

1 comment:

  1. Hi V
    It is tragic, loosing what is most important in our lives- Love, family, friendship. These things aren't happening for so many. I just started reading something similar by Dr. Laura Schlessinger "The proper care and feeding of marriage" The first chapter kinda goes along those lines. Very interesting and so not pc, which I like.

    ReplyDelete

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