Tuesday, September 05, 2006

Blah, Blah, Weekend crap Blah!

Last Friday dawned and it was a nice day outside if memory serves me correctly. How could it not be a nice day I was out of the freakin' hell hole that perversely is my job. I spent an inordinate amount of time at the gym relishing each burning squat and sweat bead. I quietly ran some errands and headed home. We packed. We headed out of our town and into the treacherous driving that was Ernesto. High winds rocked the Pathfinder, rain slicked the windows as tree and other assorted nature debris blew around us. I was chilled to the bone after one too many excursions out of the warm car. This is summer's last hurrah? How sad.

T.D. was content the whole time to snooze in full on dictator mode. Her little hands in balled fists. Her mouth protruding out in a puckered fashion that only deep baby sleep can produce. Her tiny despot brow furrowed. When she woke she was at Granny and Grandpa's house for a stay. She deemed their abode acceptable and we were free to leave with our weekend pass. Sweet freedom!

A weekend of just H and I. It would be like old times. We braved the mess of Ernesto again as we sallied forth towards Baltimore. Eesh. I do loathe that city. After this past weekend it's full on loathing. The wet and windy conditions, combined with frizzy hair, a clogged tub, a reeking hotel room, and I swear a slight case of food poisoning made for a delightful revisit to this old harbor city. Yick. The wedding was such an aside from everything else that came about that the major highlight of the trip was finding a decent pair of shoes at Nine West next to the hotel and H and I sitting right next to the University of Maryland's Women's basketball team. H kept asking me like a hyper active five year old if he could get his picture taken with them. I told him like a Mean Mommy, "No. Don't bother them. Let them eat their Cheesecake Factory in peace."

Tired, exhausted, dehydrated and queasy we left B'more on Sunday afternoon to head into 'the county' to pick up T.D. She of course had a grand time being showered with love and attention all weekend with a surprise visit by her uncle. She seemed very content when we picked her up. I found that I could not wait to get my hands on her.

Maybe for some women, and I have heard this rumor, having a child is an all at once all consuming love affair. It hasn't been that way for me. I was quite simply stunned when T.D. came into this world. I still look at her and hold her and think, "This is mine? How is that possible? Who said I was approved to have a kid?" I don't feel like a mother yet. Will I ever really? I keep waiting for that day to wake up and suddenly she's four and standing beside the bed saying, "Mommy, want rios (cheerios)." Or some other kid like thing. I love her there is no doubt. I love watching her sleep, accomplish new things and simply smile when I make her laugh. Even though one Mother's Day has come and gone I'm still waiting for that magic moment where I realize, "Oh yeah, I'm the Mom now."

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