Tuesday, August 01, 2006


I'm having a not so good day today which really pisses me off. I just want a ho-hum average day but that never seems to happen anymore. If work is dull then all hell breaks loose in my personal life, and vice versa.

So work is ok, it's just a little crazy which is not bad as compared to the ton 'o' crazy that it can be. My printer just ran out of paper. I replaced it. It didn't read that it had paper. So I fixed it again. I realize the outer shell of the printer is heinously dirty. Ick. Must clean. My mind is all awhirl though with work plus personal issues and I'm feeling a little insensed. As I turn around in a frenzy a plaque I have flies off it's shelf. Was I near the shelf? Nope. It has landed on the floor and broken. Very strange indeed. And more than a little creepy.

If I start getting telekinetic I just have one thing to say. People at work better watch out. I have a sick sense of humor that I will unleash.

Moving on I'm not really feeling very witty the last few days. I feel a bit down. My appointment with my psychiatrist lady was canceled so after having to schedule it a month out now it seems I can't find time to meet with her for yet another month. I am thinking- who needs it? I don't. I don't care. I don't see this as a sign of depression I see this as someone saying- I don't care. That's all. No need to read into it any further. I've been fine off the meds for about 2 months now. I'm not feeling insane any longer. Mainly it's an absence of feeling I have lately. It's sort of scary. It's like something has just wilted or dried up. It scared me for a bit but I honestly don't know what to do about it. I'm at a total loss. It's as if I need a lot of time. A lot of time to think things over. I don't have it so my brain says ok, just keep reading,working, eating, sleeping, eventually you'll start feeling witty again. You'll find your "sparkle" as my friend and I used to say. Sometimes you lose it but it always comes back.

Then again maybe something is seriously wrong because the idea of eating carbs or junk food just makes me sick. That, my friend, is totally out of character for me. Even the idea of free latte's just makes me think- no so much. Thanks anyway.

Have I just entered my own personal Twilight Zone?

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