Wednesday, August 02, 2006


Lately I'm so busy at work that I rarely see my co-workers except in fleeting moments at the copier or whizzing by them in the hallways. We're all busy right now it seems with no time to check in with each other. One thing that I've noticed that has started happening from this is the -"So HOW ARE you? It's said in a long drawn out way full of meaning. It never fails to stop me in my tracks, my brain temporarily halts and I look up at them and think-ooh what? What do you mean by that? Who have you been talking to? How much do you know? Why are you asking? All these questions run through my head in about 2.5 seconds.

I casually will say everything is fine. Sometimes I blurt out too much. Which I immediately hate myself for. I wonder- am I being paranoid? What have I told this person? Are they asking about the Post Partum? Usually it's just a case of asking for the sake of asking and I'm off the hook. Occasionally though it's by someone who actually knows what is going on and I feel manic in just saying- Oh! Two months off the meds- Doing Great!!! Right. I'm doing so great that I overemphasize everything and I'm smiling so much I look like a dog bearing it's teeth.

Now I'm paranoid that I'm scaring people.

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